- Jun 19, 2009
- 42,414
- 16,796
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I was doing some reconnaissance and found this..
I just thought you Gals might like it. ..
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* Best way to get a man to do something: suggest he's too old for it.
* Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. (Marion Smith)
* FRIEND: A man you like but who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him totally unappealing.
* The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is: "What does a woman want?" (Freud)
* How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
* I am woman. I am invincible. I am tired!
* I think--therefore I'm single. (Lizz Winstead)
* I was meant to be loved, not understood!
* If we are what we eat...I'm fast, cheap, and easy.
* I'm not a bitch, I'm THE bitch, and that's MISS BITCH to you!
* I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now!
* Intuition: that strange instinct that tells a woman she is right, whether she is or not.
* Laugh and the world laughs with you...cry and you get your way!
* A man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
* Men are like mascara--they usually run at the first sign of emotion.
* Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!
* My fantasy is having two men, one cooking and one cleaning.
* Only one shopping day left until tomorrow!
* The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. (Phyllis Diller)
* Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
* They say love hides behind every corner, then I must be going round in circles.
* Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again. (Susan Healy)
* Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
* Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
* Woman to man: "I'd let you talk more, but you're not as interesting as me."
The Rules
A macho man married a good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night . . . whether you're here or not."
Humor For Women Only
I just thought you Gals might like it. ..
-----------------------
* Best way to get a man to do something: suggest he's too old for it.
* Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. (Marion Smith)
* FRIEND: A man you like but who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him totally unappealing.
* The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is: "What does a woman want?" (Freud)
* How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
* I am woman. I am invincible. I am tired!
* I think--therefore I'm single. (Lizz Winstead)
* I was meant to be loved, not understood!
* If we are what we eat...I'm fast, cheap, and easy.
* I'm not a bitch, I'm THE bitch, and that's MISS BITCH to you!
* I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now!
* Intuition: that strange instinct that tells a woman she is right, whether she is or not.
* Laugh and the world laughs with you...cry and you get your way!
* A man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
* Men are like mascara--they usually run at the first sign of emotion.
* Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!
* My fantasy is having two men, one cooking and one cleaning.
* Only one shopping day left until tomorrow!
* The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. (Phyllis Diller)
* Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
* They say love hides behind every corner, then I must be going round in circles.
* Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again. (Susan Healy)
* Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
* Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
* Woman to man: "I'd let you talk more, but you're not as interesting as me."
The Rules
A macho man married a good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night . . . whether you're here or not."
Humor For Women Only
