How to spot a Republican:

[candycorn]

The following joke is by a commenter over at Crooks and Liars. I thought it was good enough to pass on to you guys.
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

 

[DiveCon]

The following joke is by a commenter over at Crooks and Liars. I thought it was good enough to pass on to you guys.
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

old joke
with the examples reversed

 

[DiveCon]

but kinda funny that the liberals at that site had to plagiarize it

LOL

 

[fyrenza]

next!

 

[Madeline]

 

[midcan5]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WCxz0fzHm8[/ame]

 

[Madeline]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jB-zAohDjk"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jB-zAohDjk[/ame]

 

[daveman]

The following joke is by a commenter over at Crooks and Liars. I thought it was good enough to pass on to you guys.
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

old joke
with the examples reversed

Yeah. Just doesn't work this way, does it?

 

[Madeline]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9UhK5fN0Xg"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9UhK5fN0Xg[/ame]

 

[DiveCon]

The following joke is by a commenter over at Crooks and Liars. I thought it was good enough to pass on to you guys.
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

old joke
with the examples reversed

Yeah. Just doesn't work this way, does it?

nope

 

[goldcatt]

but kinda funny that the liberals at that site had to plagiarize it

LOL

It's funny either way, depending who's on which side at the time. All they ever do is switch back and forth, there's nothing new under the sun.

 

[DiveCon]

but kinda funny that the liberals at that site had to plagiarize it

LOL

It's funny either way, depending who's on which side at the time. All they ever do is switch back and forth, there's nothing new under the sun.

naw, it makes no sense this way

 

[goldcatt]

but kinda funny that the liberals at that site had to plagiarize it

LOL

It's funny either way, depending who's on which side at the time. All they ever do is switch back and forth, there's nothing new under the sun.

naw, it makes no sense this way

Not to you.

 

[edthecynic]

The following joke is by a commenter over at Crooks and Liars. I thought it was good enough to pass on to you guys.
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

old joke
with the examples reversed

but kinda funny that the liberals at that site had to plagiarize it

LOL

Another example of the first quote in my sig.

The joke originally had "engineers" and "management" as the two characters, so if what you say is true, then the CON$ plagiarized it first!

 

[edthecynic]

The following joke is by a commenter over at Crooks and Liars. I thought it was good enough to pass on to you guys.
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

old joke
with the examples reversed

but kinda funny that the liberals at that site had to plagiarize it

LOL

Another example of the first quote in my sig.

The joke originally had "engineers" and "management" as the two characters, so if what you say is true, then the CON$ plagiarized it first!

The sniveling little coward DumbCon calls me a liar in the comments box for a neg rep but doesn't have the guts to challenge my post here in public!

http://humorvault.tripod.com/engineer/engin_4.html

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below said, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of absolutely no use to anyone."

The man below said, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

http://www.independent-consulting-bootcamp.com/consultant-jokes.html

Consultant Jokes - # 5
Management…
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below says, "Yes, you are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 40 feet above this field. You are between 46 & 48 degrees N latitude and between 52 & 56 degrees W. longitude."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says, "You must be a Manager"
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man below, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met but now it is somehow my fault."

 

[DiveCon]

old joke
with the examples reversed

Another example of the first quote in my sig.

The joke originally had "engineers" and "management" as the two characters, so if what you say is true, then the CON$ plagiarized it first!

The sniveling little coward DumbCon calls me a liar in the comments box for a neg rep but doesn't have the guts to challenge my post here in public!

Humor Vault: Engineer Jokes #4

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below said, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of absolutely no use to anyone."

The man below said, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

Consultant Jokes

Consultant Jokes - # 5
Management…
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below says, "Yes, you are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 40 feet above this field. You are between 46 & 48 degrees N latitude and between 52 & 56 degrees W. longitude."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says, "You must be a Manager"
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man below, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met but now it is somehow my fault."

diposhit, you must realize that that proves NOTHING

 

[edthecynic]

Another example of the first quote in my sig.

The joke originally had "engineers" and "management" as the two characters, so if what you say is true, then the CON$ plagiarized it first!

The sniveling little coward DumbCon calls me a liar in the comments box for a neg rep but doesn't have the guts to challenge my post here in public!

diposhit, you must realize that that proves NOTHING

Well the pusillanimous poltroon crawls out of his spider hole!

It proves more than anything you've posted so far since you have yet to even post the joke with Dem and Rep reversed!

The first version I posted was the original version of the engineer joke and the second one I posted was the later modified version of the engineer joke that was even later turned in to a political joke.

Post the earliest dated version of the joke as you say it first existed, and I'll post an earlier dated existence of the engineer version.
Come on you little chickenshit, prove me wrong!

 

[DiveCon]

The sniveling little coward DumbCon calls me a liar in the comments box for a neg rep but doesn't have the guts to challenge my post here in public!

diposhit, you must realize that that proves NOTHING

Well the pusillanimous poltroon crawls out of his spider hole!

It proves more than anything you've posted so far since you have yet to even post the joke with Dem and Rep reversed!

The first version I posted was the original version of the engineer joke and the second one I posted was the later modified version of the engineer joke that was even later turned in to a political joke.

Post the earliest dated version of the joke as you say it first existed, and I'll post an earlier dated existence of the engineer version.
Come on you little chickenshit, prove me wrong!

fuck off moron

 

[edthecynic]

diposhit, you must realize that that proves NOTHING

Well the pusillanimous poltroon crawls out of his spider hole!

It proves more than anything you've posted so far since you have yet to even post the joke with Dem and Rep reversed!

The first version I posted was the original version of the engineer joke and the second one I posted was the later modified version of the engineer joke that was even later turned in to a political joke.

Post the earliest dated version of the joke as you say it first existed, and I'll post an earlier dated existence of the engineer version.
Come on you little chickenshit, prove me wrong!

fuck off moron

Translation: You know the joke started out as engineer and management and then was plagiarized by both CON$ and Libs, but as a CON$ervative you are too dishonest to admit you are wrong, and even worse that I am Right!
Thank you.
I still OWN you!

 

[DiveCon]

Well the pusillanimous poltroon crawls out of his spider hole!

It proves more than anything you've posted so far since you have yet to even post the joke with Dem and Rep reversed!

The first version I posted was the original version of the engineer joke and the second one I posted was the later modified version of the engineer joke that was even later turned in to a political joke.

Post the earliest dated version of the joke as you say it first existed, and I'll post an earlier dated existence of the engineer version.
Come on you little chickenshit, prove me wrong!

fuck off moron

Translation: You know the joke started out as engineer and management and then was plagiarized by both CON$ and Libs, but as a CON$ervative you are too dishonest to admit you are wrong, and even worse that I am Right!
Thank you.
I still OWN you!

fuck off moron