How to Smash Global Industrial Capitalism Without Leaving Your Bar-Stool

rtwngAvngr · Jun 3, 2006

Upset with the state of affairs? Have no fear.

http://www.adequacy.org/public/stories/2001.11.24.21204.317.html

How to Smash Global Industrial Capitalism Without Leaving Your Bar-Stool

So you say you're a little upset with Global Industrial Capitalism. Perhaps some aspect or other of the whole thing makes you feel a bit guilty about your shiny new car. Perhaps it has driven you off into some indefensible philosophical cul-de-sac, and you find yourself getting into too many arguments with strangers in bars. You might even be hopping mad, and feel like you might smash up your local coffee chain-outlet at the slightest provocation.
Relax. Help is on the way.

Here is what you need to do:
Grin and ignore it.

Global Industrial Capitalism can't stand being ignored. And it absolutely hates being ignored by a smiling person. You may need to practice both parts of this strategy. Many people who have trouble with Global Industrial Capitalism also have a hard time smiling. A little practice with a mirror will be sufficient for some; see how good you look when you're smiling? Damn! Now Global Industrial Capitalism is being ignored by a sexy person. It will be positively livid, I tell you! Others may need a bit of help, so go sneak into a showing of Monsters, Inc or Amélie. If you don't want to sneak in, try to wheedle a ticket out of an usher, or mooch off of a wealthier friend. It is important that you not pay for the film, because this is the other prong of the strategy; this is the active ignoring of Global Industrial Capitalism.

There are thousands of ways to ignore Global Industrial Capitalism. Try starting small; skip a credit card payment, pay your rent a few days late, or steal a newspaper. Now have a look at yourself. Are you feeling guilty for stealing that newspaper? Stop it. This is exactly what Global Industrial Capitalism wants. It also wants you to worry about your credit rating and possible eviction notices. Cut it out. You don't need to worry about those things. What are you going to do with your credit rating, after all? Buy a shiny new car? You don't need a new car, damn it. Look in the mirror again. See that smile? Happy, sexy people don't need shiny new cars. If your old car breaks, you can be happy without one. Happy people can be happy on the bus, or on a bicycle, or on foot. The added exercise will help keep you happy and sexy. Now stop worrying about eviction. You can sleep on your friend's couch for a while, and then find another apartment. Or you can just live in a tent for a while. Your friends or parents will hold on to your stuff for the summer.

Now, you don't actually have to go and get yourself evicted or default on your debt. What you do need to do is realize that it doesn't really matter much if these things happen. You'll be fine. People will take care of you, and there is plenty of exciting life to be had outside of your current routine. However.

You may need to closely examine your current routine, and ferret out any part of it that is contributing to your difficulties with Global Industrial Capitalism. Is your job a big part of your identity? Trouble! Start slacking off at work immediately. Stop investing your sense of self-worth in the sort of drudgery that keeps Global Industrial Capitalism smug and satisfied. This may be difficult. You might be afraid of being fired for slacking off. This, of course, is exactly what Global Industrial Capitalism wants you to feel. Get over it. You can find another job. In fact, a change of career might be just the ticket to establishing a sense of identity entirely independent of your profession. Don't worry about ending up with a crappier job than the one you have now. After all, you might just as easily wind up doing much more rewarding work. And if the next job is unpleasant, then it will be that much easier to slack off. Let's face it: apart from a few people who dig trenches or monitor nuclear reactors, the entire "economy" is just a game, a whimsical shuffling of social position, a ploy for attention on the part of Global Industrial Capitalism. Take stuff from work. Show up late to meetings. Loiter. Start coming in at ten and leaving at four thirty. Take an hour and a half for lunch. Smile! It's only a job. You could get a couple more tomorrow if you had to.

Now you may be afraid that ignoring Global Industrial Capitalism might impair your ability to procure a spouse or potential spouse, and this particular fear is Global Industrial Capitalism's favorite thing in the whole world. Remember: Grin. Grinning is sexy, and grinning is anathema to Global Industrial Capitalism.

Now. It is time to act.

Go to your local Clean, Healthy Tavern. Sit down at the bar. Order a drink. Grin. Talk to the person next to you about the New York Yankees, Manchester United, or your cat. Make jokes about Marxists, or talk about rocks. Talk about anything at all, as long as you keep grinning. Notice how people grin back? They don't really care what you're talking about, but neither do you. You are grinning at each other like loons only because grinning is self-reinforcing, just like Depression. Unlike Depression, grinning is also contagious. It is part of the way your monkey-brain is wired up. You can't help it. Go to your Clean, Healthy Tavern every night. Keep talking to strangers until they become acquaintances. When several people greet you by name and grin as you enter and sit down at the bar, you are ready to deliver the fatal blow. Go in one night without any money. Explain to everyone that you have forgotten your wallet, or are flat broke until payday. Grin. People will buy you drinks. The bartender will give you drinks. You will go home drunk and happy, perhaps with a grinning potential spouse.

You have done it. You have defeated Global Industrial Capitalism, without leaving your bar-stool.
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Said1 · Jun 3, 2006

I think that's what the bumbs who live on the over pass did, for a time. :rotflmao:

5stringJeff · Jun 5, 2006

Is this the post-capitalist RWA?

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