How To Put An End To Middle East Problem

[Piss Bucket]

We have been confronted with problems from the Mid East for over 100 years. However, Obama is going to get us into big trouble because he does not know how to conduct foreign affairs within the context of furthering America's security interests. He does not know what he is doing. He will pussy foot around, step on toes, apologize for us, piss everyone off, then make us look weak.

What follows is a candid statement that needs to be delivered to ALL the Middle East, friend and foe. Obama needs to say this, though I know he won't. Therefore, I, Piss Bucket, shall make this statement in place of Obama. I will also adopt the black man's manner of speech in tribute to our first black president.

" Yo, yo yo, Ch-ch-check it out y'all! Grab a stool and pop a squat 'cause I'm about to get all real up in here, you know what I'm sayin'"....

Fuck, I am even starting to annoy myself. Let me try it straight:

"To all of the various groups of people in the Middle East. Despite our unfailing patience, it has come to a point where a change must be made."

"You clearly cannot organize and control your own region. Every few years some outside force has to invade your lands to calm down you assholes. Remember Poland in the 1790s? It was full of assholes too, threatening to destabilize the region. Do you remember what happened to them?"

"Your failure to control the radical assholes in your region costs us money, lives and resources. Every time you decide to suicide-bomb a Taco Bell our equity markets crash."

"Now you have these ISIS shitheads running around beheading people and threatening to blow up American cities. Enough already. This shit is going to stop now."

"You fuckers have one month to straighten things out or you, the entire Middle East, is going to go the way of Poland. If I see one more bombing, beheading, act of political violence or any other threat to America then I am going to invade your region and wipe you off the face of the map."

"Your militaries are merely a speed bump to us. Your nations will fall and your histories will be washed away in a raging river of Muslim blood. THERE WILL BE NO SELECTIVE TARGETING. It does not matter who you are. The point is that you cannot regulate the groups in your region. You are ALL subject to invasion and subordination."

"Once we have conquered you we will occupy your region indefinitely. I will place you under trilateral control, with the occupying forces comprised of America, the UK, and Israel. Each occupying power shall control approximately 1/3 of the geography. The occupiers shall establish the local laws and shall enforce them strictly, just like the partitioned Poland."

"We shall take title to all of your oil and natural gas fields to finance this operation and to foster stability in the energy market."

"It will be difficult and,at times, brutal. But it beats the alternative of sitting around waiting for another 9/11 or regional war. Our resolve is strong and we will complete our mission."

"So fuck you, you assholes. You have one month to straighten things out or else we will annex every inch of your region."

That's it. We just need a leader willing to say it and follow through. I call it "Operation Poland", for obvious reasons. Let's remember, they have shit for militaries. We strolled in and decimated the enemy in both Iraq wars and in Afghanistan. Victory is inevitable. The problem with the recent Iraq situation is that the public did not understand what the last few years of it was not war, it was occupation. Occupation is always difficult. The solution? Do not let the rules of engagement be influenced by political correctness. The occupants of the conquered region must be suppressed. Fuck their hearts and minds. Suppress them and make them subjects.

If this offends your sensibilities, then you are already doomed. If not for conflict then we would not know what peace is. The two are a dichotomy. American freedom depends on us being strong and willing to assert our strength.

If we do not maintain our strength and influence then you whining bitches will not have the luxury to gripe about glass ceilings, free rubbers, the right to bare arms, and all of the other rights you enjoy. Domestic matters end at the water's edge, it is said. I think this is correct. There is a whole world out there full of people who want to do us harm. If we do not face reality and confront the threats then we are all doomed.

 

[Rikurzhen]

"Your failure to control the radical assholes in your region costs us money, lives and resources. Every time you decide to suicide-bomb a Taco Bell our equity markets crash."

Um, no. If a Taco Bell in Syria blows up we don't notice.

If a Taco Bell in Dallas blows up then it's not a Middle Easterner who did, but an American Muslim, so what do we gain by blowing up the entire Middle East? The better strategy is to boot all American Muslims out of the country. We won't face Muslim terrorism in our Taco Bells if we don't have any Muslims living here. Do you see Muslims blowing shit up in Antarctica or in Poland? No Muslims, no Muslim terrorism.

"You fuckers have one month to straighten things out or you, the entire Middle East, is going to go the way of Poland. If I see one more bombing, beheading, act of political violence or any other threat to America then I am going to invade your region and wipe you off the face of the map."

"Your militaries are merely a speed bump to us. Your nations will fall and your histories will be washed away in a raging river of Muslim blood. THERE WILL BE NO SELECTIVE TARGETING. It does not matter who you are. The point is that you cannot regulate the groups in your region. You are ALL subject to invasion and subordination."

Not our problem. Look, you may have neighbors 8 houses down the street from you where the wife is seen by you to be cheating on her husband. Are you going to bust into their home one evening and straighten up their marriage for them? Their marital problems are not your business.

"Once we have conquered you we will occupy your region indefinitely. I will place you under trilateral control, with the occupying forces comprised of America, the UK, and Israel. Each occupying power shall control approximately 1/3 of the geography. The occupiers shall establish the local laws and shall enforce them strictly, just like the partitioned Poland."

"We shall take title to all of your oil and natural gas fields to finance this operation and to foster stability in the energy market."

Who needs the headache? Secondly, that oil and gas revenue is mostly used for supporting the people via all sorts of subsidies. If you take it to finance a military occupation then you're going to make us the party responsible for starving vast millions of people who are now too poor to buy food at market prices.

"It will be difficult and,at times, brutal. But it beats the alternative of sitting around waiting for another 9/11 or regional war. Our resolve is strong and we will complete our mission."

"So fuck you, you assholes. You have one month to straighten things out or else we will annex every inch of your region."

Just do what we did with the Communists - containment. We box them in. No travel, to tourism. We can't have another 9/11 if we bar all Muslims from visiting the US. See, that's cheaper than sending Roman American legions in as occupying forces. Moreover, we were stretched with manpower shortages just keeping Iraq occupied, so are you now proposing we reinstittute the draft in order to beef up our army to 30 million man strength so that we can occupy the entire Middle East?