How to beat up women?

[anotherlife]

I have spent time with a brutalized girl and learnt interesting things, maybe worth to share, for your thoughts.

Also, I could say that this works on children and men the same way, so not even gender specific.

Okay, so this is how it comes out. Looks like women's / people's minds are self contained in such a way, that the mind executes correlated reactions to largely uncorrelated environmental impacts. For example if someone threatens you, you respond based on what you would do if you weren't threatened.

But battered people don't build this correlation, because of the loss of their mental capacity. So, when battered, you will respond to the threat as per the threat itself, totally forgetting about yourself.

The result is, that you exist in as many versions as the number of threats you get, and your versions don't know about each other. This explains also, why every battered woman / child / man craves to go back for more beat downs.

As a conclusion to my finding, I would like to ask for your opinions, and in addition, whether it is more humane to euthanize battered people than subsidizing their little personal hells?

 

[JakeStarkey]

Give several specific examples, please.

 

[koshergrl]

I have spent time with a brutalized girl and learnt interesting things, maybe worth to share, for your thoughts.

Also, I could say that this works on children and men the same way, so not even gender specific.

Okay, so this is how it comes out. Looks like women's / people's minds are self contained in such a way, that the mind executes correlated reactions to largely uncorrelated environmental impacts. For example if someone threatens you, you respond based on what you would do if you weren't threatened.

But battered people don't build this correlation, because of the loss of their mental capacity. So, when battered, you will respond to the threat as per the threat itself, totally forgetting about yourself.

The result is, that you exist in as many versions as the number of threats you get, and your versions don't know about each other. This explains also, why every battered woman / child / man craves to go back for more beat downs.

As a conclusion to my finding, I would like to ask for your opinions, and in addition, whether it is more humane to euthanize battered people than subsidizing their little personal hells?

Your commentary makes no sense.

 

[Valerie]

maybe he's speaking in this mysterious cryptic code i keep hearing about

 

[Eaglewings]

The person being abused most of the time is abused emotionally as well, where they almost feel like if they change a behavior the abuser will stop hurting them.
They are so emotionally beat down that they feel hopeless that they would never make it on their own because of the degrading the abuser does.
Taking back the abuser is usually because they feel the abuser will change , most of the times the attacks become more frequent and severe.


.

 

[anotherlife]

Give several specific examples, please.

Well, for example, I invited her to a place which she was happy to accept, but when my roomie invited her to elsewhere after that, she switched to my roomie's invitation, because she has a much more aggressive disposition than I. Even though it was a much lesser invitation.

 

[anotherlife]

The person being abused most of the time is abused emotionally as well, where they almost feel like if they change a behavior the abuser will stop hurting them.
They are so emotionally beat down that they feel hopeless that they would never make it on their own because of the degrading the abuser does.
Taking back the abuser is usually because they feel the abuser will change , most of the times the attacks become more frequent and severe.
.

Very interesting. So, it seems that their reality and mental functioning gets preconditioned by the abuser. I have never heard of a successful cure to restore them. What should we do with these "victims"?

 

[anotherlife]

I have spent time with a brutalized girl and learnt interesting things, maybe worth to share, for your thoughts.

Also, I could say that this works on children and men the same way, so not even gender specific.

Okay, so this is how it comes out. Looks like women's / people's minds are self contained in such a way, that the mind executes correlated reactions to largely uncorrelated environmental impacts. For example if someone threatens you, you respond based on what you would do if you weren't threatened.

But battered people don't build this correlation, because of the loss of their mental capacity. So, when battered, you will respond to the threat as per the threat itself, totally forgetting about yourself.

The result is, that you exist in as many versions as the number of threats you get, and your versions don't know about each other. This explains also, why every battered woman / child / man craves to go back for more beat downs.

As a conclusion to my finding, I would like to ask for your opinions, and in addition, whether it is more humane to euthanize battered people than subsidizing their little personal hells?

Your commentary makes no sense.

Which part of it?

 

[Eaglewings]

The person being abused most of the time is abused emotionally as well, where they almost feel like if they change a behavior the abuser will stop hurting them.
They are so emotionally beat down that they feel hopeless that they would never make it on their own because of the degrading the abuser does.
Taking back the abuser is usually because they feel the abuser will change , most of the times the attacks become more frequent and severe.
.

Very interesting. So, it seems that their reality and mental functioning gets preconditioned by the abuser. I have never heard of a successful cure to restore them. What should we do with these "victims"?

Pre- 1990's there really wasn't the support, or outreach so the abuse was continued. Cops rarely even responded to domestic abuse , and the abuser rarely went to jail. Thanks to new laws and awareness abuse is now a crime and the perpetrator is convicted.

Just like any situation or condition~ Hope!
Many of the victims are isolated and made to feel that it is their fault, or full of fear by the threatened beatings. Many survive and get away, and sad to say many die.

Support groups and counseling can help a person move on and have a productive life, some continue the behavior onto the next generation.




.

 

[koshergrl]

I have spent time with a brutalized girl and learnt interesting things, maybe worth to share, for your thoughts.

Also, I could say that this works on children and men the same way, so not even gender specific.

Okay, so this is how it comes out. Looks like women's / people's minds are self contained in such a way, that the mind executes correlated reactions to largely uncorrelated environmental impacts. For example if someone threatens you, you respond based on what you would do if you weren't threatened.

But battered people don't build this correlation, because of the loss of their mental capacity. So, when battered, you will respond to the threat as per the threat itself, totally forgetting about yourself.

The result is, that you exist in as many versions as the number of threats you get, and your versions don't know about each other. This explains also, why every battered woman / child / man craves to go back for more beat downs.

As a conclusion to my finding, I would like to ask for your opinions, and in addition, whether it is more humane to euthanize battered people than subsidizing their little personal hells?

Your commentary makes no sense.

Which part of it?

All of it.

 

[Arianrhod]

The person being abused most of the time is abused emotionally as well, where they almost feel like if they change a behavior the abuser will stop hurting them.
They are so emotionally beat down that they feel hopeless that they would never make it on their own because of the degrading the abuser does.
Taking back the abuser is usually because they feel the abuser will change , most of the times the attacks become more frequent and severe.
.

Very interesting. So, it seems that their reality and mental functioning gets preconditioned by the abuser. I have never heard of a successful cure to restore them. What should we do with these "victims"?

Pre- 1990's there really wasn't the support, or outreach so the abuse was continued. Cops rarely even responded to domestic abuse , and the abuser rarely went to jail. Thanks to new laws and awareness abuse is now a crime and the perpetrator is convicted.

Just like any situation or condition~ Hope!
Many of the victims are isolated and made to feel that it is their fault, or full of fear by the threatened beatings. Many survive and get away, and sad to say many die.

Support groups and counseling can help a person move on and have a productive life, some continue the behavior onto the next generation.




.

This. Plus there are often financial considerations. The abuser may have forced the abused to quit her job (or inflicted so many injuries that she's had to take so sick days and she can't hold onto a job).

The problem's complicated if she has kids. Where can she go, what can she do, to protect her kids from abuse?

But, yes, there is more support outside the abusive situation than there used to be, so there is hope.

The problem is twofold, though. The abused needs to be aware that help exists, and then has to seek out that help. Doctors and ER personnel are more attuned to the signs of abuse and can ask questions and offer support.

But, as you say, often the abused is so beaten down she thinks "I deserve this" and goes back to the abuser.

This is not limited to women. Men are also victims of abuse, but societal norms make it even harder for them to admit it and seek help.

 

[koshergrl]

I love listening to morons talk about shit they don't know anything about.

 

[Arianrhod]

I love listening to morons talk about shit they don't know anything about.

Whereas I find it tedious when people assume others know nothing about a situation instead of asking.

You can even ask in your usual elegant, tactful style: "What the fuck do you know about this shit?" would be predictable.

Except you don't want to know. You consider yourself Keeper of the Truth, and so any attempt to draw you out on your own or others' experiences of abuse will be met with vituperation on your part.

Also predictable.

 

[Eaglewings]

I love listening to morons talk about shit they don't know anything about.

Wow really? Not only do I have a license to counsel and help abused people, my mother died of it from a dumb ass step father in 1976.

I lived it almost everyday for 18 years.

My father was killed by a drunk driver in 1963, and my neighbor murdered his 23 year old son due to his wife divorcing him. I once tried to get them away from his controlling and abusive behavior.

Is there anything else a person should know?

Shame on a person who just assumes about another.




.

 

[The Great Goose]

I have spent time with a brutalized girl and learnt interesting things, maybe worth to share, for your thoughts.

Also, I could say that this works on children and men the same way, so not even gender specific.

Okay, so this is how it comes out. Looks like women's / people's minds are self contained in such a way, that the mind executes correlated reactions to largely uncorrelated environmental impacts. For example if someone threatens you, you respond based on what you would do if you weren't threatened.

But battered people don't build this correlation, because of the loss of their mental capacity. So, when battered, you will respond to the threat as per the threat itself, totally forgetting about yourself.

The result is, that you exist in as many versions as the number of threats you get, and your versions don't know about each other. This explains also, why every battered woman / child / man craves to go back for more beat downs.

As a conclusion to my finding, I would like to ask for your opinions, and in addition, whether it is more humane to euthanize battered people than subsidizing their little personal hells?

So are you saying, that if a child learns it's ok for themself to be hit without them responding, then they will form a cognitive response in the future, such as not fighting back when another adult assaults them?

 

[Arianrhod]

So are you saying, that if a child learns it's ok for themself to be hit without them responding, then they will form a cognitive response in the future, such as not fighting back when another adult assaults them?

In my observation, abuse can be multi-generational, which is to say that if someone is the victim of abuse as an adult, they were often abused as a child as well (or witnessed one parent abusing the other), so that either this seems "normal" to them or it gives them the message that they're "no good" and that whatever happens to them is their fault.

Perhaps surprisingly, many abusers were also abused as children, and choose to mimic the abusive parent's behavior when they're adults, but one stat I've seen indicates that only one in five of those abused go on to perpetuate the abuse, meaning that the other four make a conscious decision "I'm not going to be abusive like my parent(s)."

That takes courage and, very often, outside help.

 

[anotherlife]

The person being abused most of the time is abused emotionally as well, where they almost feel like if they change a behavior the abuser will stop hurting them.
They are so emotionally beat down that they feel hopeless that they would never make it on their own because of the degrading the abuser does.
Taking back the abuser is usually because they feel the abuser will change , most of the times the attacks become more frequent and severe.
.

Very interesting. So, it seems that their reality and mental functioning gets preconditioned by the abuser. I have never heard of a successful cure to restore them. What should we do with these "victims"?

Pre- 1990's there really wasn't the support, or outreach so the abuse was continued. Cops rarely even responded to domestic abuse , and the abuser rarely went to jail. Thanks to new laws and awareness abuse is now a crime and the perpetrator is convicted.

Just like any situation or condition~ Hope!
Many of the victims are isolated and made to feel that it is their fault, or full of fear by the threatened beatings. Many survive and get away, and sad to say many die.

Support groups and counseling can help a person move on and have a productive life, some continue the behavior onto the next generation.




.

What puzzles me the most about her is that her person is different as per the abuse. For example, she says that she will pick up some stuff, comes for it, then begins talking about something that bothers her, and within one minute she moves on, forgetting what she came for. This happens when she thinks threatened, but there is no visible reason, other then her occasional black and blue spots, and that I know the bully somewhat who she is with. When I remind her what she came for, she has no recollection, and tells me that she mustn't be late from home. This seems like proof to me that she is defined by the abuse, as per my description in the OP.

 

[anotherlife]

The person being abused most of the time is abused emotionally as well, where they almost feel like if they change a behavior the abuser will stop hurting them.
They are so emotionally beat down that they feel hopeless that they would never make it on their own because of the degrading the abuser does.
Taking back the abuser is usually because they feel the abuser will change , most of the times the attacks become more frequent and severe.
.

Very interesting. So, it seems that their reality and mental functioning gets preconditioned by the abuser. I have never heard of a successful cure to restore them. What should we do with these "victims"?

Pre- 1990's there really wasn't the support, or outreach so the abuse was continued. Cops rarely even responded to domestic abuse , and the abuser rarely went to jail. Thanks to new laws and awareness abuse is now a crime and the perpetrator is convicted.

Just like any situation or condition~ Hope!
Many of the victims are isolated and made to feel that it is their fault, or full of fear by the threatened beatings. Many survive and get away, and sad to say many die.

Support groups and counseling can help a person move on and have a productive life, some continue the behavior onto the next generation.




.

This. Plus there are often financial considerations. The abuser may have forced the abused to quit her job (or inflicted so many injuries that she's had to take so sick days and she can't hold onto a job).

The problem's complicated if she has kids. Where can she go, what can she do, to protect her kids from abuse?

But, yes, there is more support outside the abusive situation than there used to be, so there is hope.

The problem is twofold, though. The abused needs to be aware that help exists, and then has to seek out that help. Doctors and ER personnel are more attuned to the signs of abuse and can ask questions and offer support.

But, as you say, often the abused is so beaten down she thinks "I deserve this" and goes back to the abuser.

This is not limited to women. Men are also victims of abuse, but societal norms make it even harder for them to admit it and seek help.

I think you are quite right that men and children fall under this too sometimes. Children because their mother convinces her boyfriend to beat on them instead of on her, and men because they were beaten as children. Interestingly, I saw a TV program some time ago, where this interviewer went to the army, and recorded some soldiers explaining in detail how they were abused at childhood.

 

[Arianrhod]

The person being abused most of the time is abused emotionally as well, where they almost feel like if they change a behavior the abuser will stop hurting them.
They are so emotionally beat down that they feel hopeless that they would never make it on their own because of the degrading the abuser does.
Taking back the abuser is usually because they feel the abuser will change , most of the times the attacks become more frequent and severe.
.

Very interesting. So, it seems that their reality and mental functioning gets preconditioned by the abuser. I have never heard of a successful cure to restore them. What should we do with these "victims"?

Pre- 1990's there really wasn't the support, or outreach so the abuse was continued. Cops rarely even responded to domestic abuse , and the abuser rarely went to jail. Thanks to new laws and awareness abuse is now a crime and the perpetrator is convicted.

Just like any situation or condition~ Hope!
Many of the victims are isolated and made to feel that it is their fault, or full of fear by the threatened beatings. Many survive and get away, and sad to say many die.

Support groups and counseling can help a person move on and have a productive life, some continue the behavior onto the next generation.




.

What puzzles me the most about her is that her person is different as per the abuse. For example, she says that she will pick up some stuff, comes for it, then begins talking about something that bothers her, and within one minute she moves on, forgetting what she came for. This happens when she thinks threatened, but there is no visible reason, other then her occasional black and blue spots, and that I know the bully somewhat who she is with. When I remind her what she came for, she has no recollection, and tells me that she mustn't be late from home. This seems like proof to me that she is defined by the abuse, as per my description in the OP.

What you're describing sounds like someone under severe stress who needs professional help in addition to the support you're trying to give her. I'd recommend you get in touch with whatever services are available in your area and describe what you've observed.

 

[Arianrhod]

The person being abused most of the time is abused emotionally as well, where they almost feel like if they change a behavior the abuser will stop hurting them.
They are so emotionally beat down that they feel hopeless that they would never make it on their own because of the degrading the abuser does.
Taking back the abuser is usually because they feel the abuser will change , most of the times the attacks become more frequent and severe.
.

Very interesting. So, it seems that their reality and mental functioning gets preconditioned by the abuser. I have never heard of a successful cure to restore them. What should we do with these "victims"?

Pre- 1990's there really wasn't the support, or outreach so the abuse was continued. Cops rarely even responded to domestic abuse , and the abuser rarely went to jail. Thanks to new laws and awareness abuse is now a crime and the perpetrator is convicted.

Just like any situation or condition~ Hope!
Many of the victims are isolated and made to feel that it is their fault, or full of fear by the threatened beatings. Many survive and get away, and sad to say many die.

Support groups and counseling can help a person move on and have a productive life, some continue the behavior onto the next generation.




.

This. Plus there are often financial considerations. The abuser may have forced the abused to quit her job (or inflicted so many injuries that she's had to take so sick days and she can't hold onto a job).

The problem's complicated if she has kids. Where can she go, what can she do, to protect her kids from abuse?

But, yes, there is more support outside the abusive situation than there used to be, so there is hope.

The problem is twofold, though. The abused needs to be aware that help exists, and then has to seek out that help. Doctors and ER personnel are more attuned to the signs of abuse and can ask questions and offer support.

But, as you say, often the abused is so beaten down she thinks "I deserve this" and goes back to the abuser.

This is not limited to women. Men are also victims of abuse, but societal norms make it even harder for them to admit it and seek help.

I think you are quite right that men and children fall under this too sometimes. Children because their mother convinces her boyfriend to beat on them instead of on her, and men because they were beaten as children. Interestingly, I saw a TV program some time ago, where this interviewer went to the army, and recorded some soldiers explaining in detail how they were abused at childhood.

There are alarming statistics on the correlation between violent crime and child abuse as well.