How Does Your Church or Spiritual Community Handle Abuse?

[Sky Dancer]

Domestic violence-spousal, child, and sexual.

What does the community think it's role is in helping community members who have these kinds of problems? Is your spiritual community large or small? How do you create a feeling of safety in your spiritual community when you have troubled members prone to violence?

 

[catzmeow]

Whatever happened with that situation you described a few months ago? Was it resolved?

 

[editec]

Domestic violence-spousal, child, and sexual.

What does the community think it's role is in helping community members who have these kinds of problems? Is your spiritual community large or small? How do you create a feeling of safety in your spiritual community when you have troubled members prone to violence?

In editec's theoretically, kinder and gentler, kneejerking liberal world, we take a very moderate and advanced psychological approach to treating serial domestic abusers.

We bury the bullying motherfuckers in the woods and never speak of the worthless bastards again.

Truly abusive personalities are just not worth trying to save, in my never humble opinion.

Now, understand, I'm not talking about that guy who shoved his wife, or the wife who threw a dish at her hubby in a moment of fustration and rage.

I'm talking about those sadly not quite rare enough sick motherfuckers who seek out victims precisely to play their power and control games on the weak.

There out there folks, believe me.

 

[strollingbones]

damn hard question....if it is inside our community of pagans ..its totally unallowed for anyone to beat the shit outta anyone regardless of sex or age...does that mean it doesnt happen...no....a couple....got to where they were beating the shit outta each other...i mean..she bite part of his ear off, broke his ribs...and he smacked her around a bit...both had the wounds to show for this mess...i got elected to go to him...(i have known him for over 30 years is the reason there) and discuss the issues and situations with him...to make a long story short..he realized that he was letting her slowly change him...and he booted her out of his house....and has gone back to the person we know and love....

another couple....both devout mouthy christians...honey hush she protected him like no tomorrow...well kept secret he was beating the hell out of her on a regular way...reason i know....well when you work at er reception you know a lot of shit...he was putting her in the er..weekly....and of course the chaplin called their minister...here is what went down...and i swear this is no lie...she was told to pray harder so that she would be a better wife and not force her husband to beat her...wtf? the church said it was her fault and she needed to pray more...so the poor woman was on her knees all day either praying or being beat all to hell...this went on for years....until they moved away together and she moved back alone...i guess being beaten in canada wasnt any better...

now at work....this is another job not the beer store...a lady was being beaten ..she denied it...i mean she would come in with a black eye and you would go...hey what happened? she would reply..my husband didnt do it..well hells bells we all knew he did....so a couple of guys had to explain to her husband that the next time she came in bruised and all...they would be coming back..and they really didnt wanna do that...he said he fell and broke his arm....the beatings ended...

but there is another woman at work...she is being beaten...she denies it...but all we can figure is she likes life face down in the pillow....as long as she denies it...she unlike the woman above has small brusies...that could be accidental...so its the gray area

 

[catzmeow]

i swear this is no lie...she was told to pray harder so that she would be a better wife and not force her husband to beat her...wtf? the church said it was her fault and she needed to pray more...so the poor woman was on her knees all day either praying or being beat all to hell...this went on for years....until they moved away together and she moved back alone...i guess being beaten in canada wasnt any better...

This happened to me, the first time I was married. I was married for less than a year and my ex-husband beat me up. I was mormon at the time, and we went to see the Bishop. The Bishop looked straight at me and told me that ex-husband would have beaten me up if I'd been a good, obedient wife who allowed him to be the man of the household. What I needed to do was quit my job, get pregnant, and be a stay at home mom. Then, he could be the man that god wanted him to be and he wouldn't have to beat me.

Seriously.

 

[strollingbones]

now for the flip side...i bruise really easy...i could post pics of the bruises...if someone even grabs my arm...i get great fingerprints....right now i have several bruises of unknown causes....i get beat to death by the dogs...running passed me....i am awkward...grace is not my name...i bump into shit cause i have really bad depth perception combined being awkward..well you can guess the rest...if anything taps the under corners of my eye....total black eye....swells and turns black...plus i am awkwardly semi active...and the stained glass leaves cuts all over my fingers..so any given time...i look like hell

so you cant make assumption..i think the woman has to admit it....

 

[dilloduck]

i swear this is no lie...she was told to pray harder so that she would be a better wife and not force her husband to beat her...wtf? the church said it was her fault and she needed to pray more...so the poor woman was on her knees all day either praying or being beat all to hell...this went on for years....until they moved away together and she moved back alone...i guess being beaten in canada wasnt any better...

This happened to me, the first time I was married. I was married for less than a year and my ex-husband beat me up. I was mormon at the time, and we went to see the Bishop. The Bishop looked straight at me and told me that ex-husband would have beaten me up if I'd been a good, obedient wife who allowed him to be the man of the household. What I needed to do was quit my job, get pregnant, and be a stay at home mom. Then, he could be the man that god wanted him to be and he wouldn't have to beat me.

Seriously.

How long did you put the Bishop in the hospital for ?

 

[strollingbones]

i swear this is no lie...she was told to pray harder so that she would be a better wife and not force her husband to beat her...wtf? the church said it was her fault and she needed to pray more...so the poor woman was on her knees all day either praying or being beat all to hell...this went on for years....until they moved away together and she moved back alone...i guess being beaten in canada wasnt any better...

This happened to me, the first time I was married. I was married for less than a year and my ex-husband beat me up. I was mormon at the time, and we went to see the Bishop. The Bishop looked straight at me and told me that ex-husband would have beaten me up if I'd been a good, obedient wife who allowed him to be the man of the household. What I needed to do was quit my job, get pregnant, and be a stay at home mom. Then, he could be the man that god wanted him to be and he wouldn't have to beat me.

Seriously.[/QUOTE]

you didnt have to add that....i have seen it more than once..mental abuse is just as bad

and face it..who hasnt been in an abusive relationship before....my worst was a man who came after me hard and heavy....when i was just 18....i refused due to his being married and a wee bit older...he divorce his first wife and got the child..which at the time was unheard of....i made the mistake of falling in love.. i thought he truly loved me...and that his years of chasing me showed that....i quickly learned the difference in being the chased woman and being the "prize" ... he is the only man i loved..that i attempted to kill...

 

[RodISHI]

i swear this is no lie...she was told to pray harder so that she would be a better wife and not force her husband to beat her...wtf? the church said it was her fault and she needed to pray more...so the poor woman was on her knees all day either praying or being beat all to hell...this went on for years....until they moved away together and she moved back alone...i guess being beaten in canada wasnt any better...

This happened to me, the first time I was married. I was married for less than a year and my ex-husband beat me up. I was mormon at the time, and we went to see the Bishop. The Bishop looked straight at me and told me that ex-husband would have beaten me up if I'd been a good, obedient wife who allowed him to be the man of the household. What I needed to do was quit my job, get pregnant, and be a stay at home mom. Then, he could be the man that god wanted him to be and he wouldn't have to beat me.

Seriously.

I think that is pretty much a standard from what I have seen through the years.



My daughter's best friend has six children. The youngest is still in diapers. He just left her a few months ago. He claims since she is not mormon and they can't be married in the temple she won't be going to heaven with him and he wants a wife that can go there with him.

 

[Said1]

Wow. That's really sad.

 

[strollingbones]

the mormom stuff confuses me...the sealing...etc...

 

[strollingbones]

but didnt he know all that when they got married? not in temple?

 

[RodISHI]

the mormom stuff confuses me...the sealing...etc...

Anything would be confusing if one listens to the precepts of religions men build.

Pharisaios

1) A sect that seems to have started after the Jewish exile. In addition to OT books the Pharisees recognised in oral tradition a standard of belief and life. They sought for distinction and praise by outward observance of external rites and by outward forms of piety, and such as ceremonial washings, fastings, prayers, and alms giving; and, comparatively negligent of genuine piety, they prided themselves on their fancied good works. They held strenuously to a belief in the existence of good and evil angels, and to the expectation of a Messiah; and they cherished the hope that the dead, after a preliminary experience either of reward or of penalty in Hades, would be recalled to life by him, and be requited each according to his individual deeds. In opposition to the usurped dominion of the Herods and the rule of the Romans, they stoutly upheld the theocracy and their country's cause, and possessed great influence with the common people. According to Josephus they numbered more than 6000. They were bitter enemies of Jesus and his cause; and were in turn severely rebuked by him for their avarice, ambition, hollow reliance on outward works, and affection of piety in order to gain popularity.

 

[KittenKoder]

but didnt he know all that when they got married? not in temple?

Many in all religions abuse their teachings in this manner, even the sitcom Seinfeld had an episode about it though less complex than this. It's a scapegoat, like the "devil", allowing an easy excuse to do something then evade responsibility for those actions.

 

[RodISHI]

Wow. That's really sad.

This girl is such a sweetheart too. My daughter won a fairly decent jackpot at the casino so she flew out and spent a few days with her and then my parents as dad is sick.

She said I can't give her much but at least I can show her some moral support.

 

[KittenKoder]

Wow. That's really sad.

This girl is such a sweetheart too. My daughter won a fairly decent jackpot at the casino so she flew out and spent a few days with her and then my parents as dad is sick.

She said I can't give her much but at least I can show her some moral support.

Moral or personal support is priceless ... nothing is better in my opinion.

 

[Said1]

Wow. That's really sad.

This girl is such a sweetheart too. My daughter won a fairly decent jackpot at the casino so she flew out and spent a few days with her and then my parents as dad is sick.

She said I can't give her much but at least I can show her some moral support.

I can't imagine having that happen with six children. It was hard enough with one. I almost wish I could babysit for her or something.

 

[RodISHI]

but didnt he know all that when they got married? not in temple?

I would imagine he did. It's a bullshit deal. The guy is a musician and could have met someone else and gave her that as an excuse.

She needs to be living somewhere besides Idaho/85%mormon country to file her divorce papers.

My daughter offered a place here to her and her little ones.

 

[RodISHI]

Wow. That's really sad.

This girl is such a sweetheart too. My daughter won a fairly decent jackpot at the casino so she flew out and spent a few days with her and then my parents as dad is sick.

She said I can't give her much but at least I can show her some moral support.

I can't imagine having that happen with six children. It was hard enough with one. I almost wish I could babysit for her or something.

My daughter said her children are so well manner.

Agreed six children and dumped with nothing will be very hard. Two here for several years with just the three of us and it was not easy. Yet I had family and this girl does not have that same support system. One of the reasons my daughter is willing to do anything she can to help her. It has been that away since they were children.

 

[catzmeow]

How long did you put the Bishop in the hospital for ?

I was a very different person when I was 24 than I am at 43. Maybe because of the stuff that happened to me between 24 and 39. And, yes, this sort of thing happens a lot in Utah and Idaho.