Hope, Despair, and those who inspire it

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Hobbit, Oct 13, 2005.

  1. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    I've been holding this in for a long time, and I feel its time to release this in a place where it's easier. The relative anonymity of the interent keeps me from having to go face-to-face with anyone, which is appropriate, as it allows me to avoid the probing questions of face-to-face interviews and the reluctance to discuss that those involved have shown. So please, bear with me. I warn you now that this won't be easy to read and those of you without the stomach for some sobering issue should hit the "back" button right now, but for those interested in hearing. I am here to talk, though I talk in no certain terms to retain the anonymity that makes such talking possible.

    Now, I can't honestly remember if I've posted this here before. I know I've mentioned it, and here's the full story.

    I have a friend. This friend was once a layman religious leader in a campus group. He wasn't always the most upstanding of individuals, as he had a short temper and a number of ADD related quirks, but he's a good guy, and a great psychoanalyst (psychology major). During the period he was a religious leader, he was my group leader, and I learned a few things from him. However, as time wore on, he grew more distant. He grew more antisocial, more distant. He hung out less. He called less. He stopped holding group meetings, forcing those of us in his group to switch to another leader. I was kinda worried, but he opened up a bit to me and told me of a few of his family and financial troubles, making it more understandable. However, I still tried to encourage him to keep going to church at least, and it seemed to work. Then, the first blow struck.

    In the middle of our campus service, some out of town cops showed up asking for him. He left in cuffs and came back horribly bruised a few days later. As it turned out, he was accused of molesting his 13 year old cousin, something he would, as a man of God, never do. He told me the whole sad story of falling in a comprimising position and how his aunt, her mother, hated his guts. Well, hearing of his recent family problems, this actually sounded reasonable. Given that, I gave him what legal advice I could offer from my years of meeting my Dad's lawyer friends. I encouraged him not to take a deal and to get some expert witnesses to discredit the testimony of his cousin based on brainwashing and a previously established animosity between him and his aunt. However, he just sort of rolled over and took it. A very hostile prosecuter gave him a deal that would keep him out of jail, and on the advice of his less than strong backboned public defender, he took the deal. It kept him out of jail, but the penalty still carried five years of probation, mandatory couseling, community service, and a HUGE fine. I wasn't happy with him, but I was more concerned with his demeanor. He had lost his passion and drive.

    Anyway, he had to register as a sex offender, and the cops made sure his whole dorm knew. So, in order to ensure his safety, the University put him in an on-campus apartment. While he was living there, I noticed a distinctive lack of assertiveness. He let people walk all over him. A manipulative, lonely, pregant mother looking for some guy to sucker into taking care of her kids bamboozled him into the shacking up stage before another girl snapped him out of it. She didn't make him more assertive, but she's assertive enough for at least 4 people, so that ended rather quickly. (I was manuplaslut's next target, but cut that off before the end of the first conversation) This was the girl he eventually married. With her help, he was gaining back his former energy and was really motivated for a change. My hopes were high. I gave him rides to probation appointments, and he seemed to be getting into a routine with it and was doing a good job at staying compliant. What I was most worried about, however, is that by this time, he had stopped going to church completely. When he was there, he was very passionate, but it had now disappeared, and this worried me.

    Then, one day, I was blindsided. One of the assisstant campus pastors saw a newspaper entry in the local paper saying he had been cuaght by the feds with child porn. I couldn't believe it and knew it had to be a mistake. However, I confronted him about it, and slowly dragged it out, letting hims subtly suspect I knew, but letting him mention it. He claimed it was some anime they classified as child porn because they were looking for an excuse to call "probation violation." This didn't sound too unreasonable, as many people have an (arguably) undue amount of zeal towards sex offenses. The FBI had taken his computer temporarily and the his probation officer was not happy. Well, he hired himself a better lawyer this time who was attempting to suppress the evidence, so I showed up to the hearing to show my support. This was the epiphany of the true fallability of anyone. It was all true. He was guilty of everything he was accused of. The FBI agent who caught him told all that he had kept secret for so long, even the fact that this guy fessed up to the original molestation and intentionally acquiring photos of sex acts with kids as young as 2. Just the file names of the pictures are vulgar things that I wish to forget, and I'm glad to prosecutor decided not to show the court their content. Now that he's caught, he's quite remorseful and wants therapy to attempt to control this whole thing, jail or no jail. The hearing failed. He's in prison. Don't ask where. I won't tell you.

    This has turned my world upside down. The guy I once looked to for moral and religious guidance is in jail for child porn and is guilty...and I never saw it. Looking back, the signs were there, but I wasn't perceptive enough to spot them. I haven't seen him in months as he's just recently been opened up to visitation outside the immediate family and is several hundred miles away besides. I won't see him without a plate glass shield between us for 10 years. Given his crime, I'm afraid he'll die in there. I don't know if anyone else has been through this kind of thing, but this all started around the time one of my friends died in a car wreck. I saw his pale, lifeless corpse with my own eyes, but that wasn't as bad as this is.

    Anyway, that's a big weight lifted away. Thanks for listening.
     
  2. speederdoc
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    speederdoc Member

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    No offense to you, because you seem like a nice person, but if that guy dies in prison, the world will be a better place.

    There is no realistic chance of reforming pedophiles, and they all should die in prison imo.
     
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  3. Nuc
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    Nuc Senior Member

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    Sorry Hobbit,

    Welcome to the real world. Too bad it had to come at such a price. Religious people are no better than others. Sometimes they think it is OK to prey upon others because they have god's power.

    One of my buddies was being raped by his priest at age 13 when he was relieved to see another priest walking in. He thought priest #2 would put an end to it. Guess what happened next?
     
  4. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    Betrayal---------Isn't it basically the result of giving someone too much credit and the resulting disappointment when they don't live up to the standards we have set for them?
     
  5. Nuc
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    Nuc Senior Member

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    That's why they say, "Don't put him/her on a pedestal".
     
  6. speederdoc
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    speederdoc Member

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    Well, sometimes just expecting that another person will return the basic respect we should all give each other as fellow human beings is giving them too much credit. For these subhumans, the standards of civilized society are too high for them. Thus they end up in prison, or dead....as they deserve.
     
  7. Nuc
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    Nuc Senior Member

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    That's human nature, we think other people are like us, we seldom assume they are worse.....or better.
     
  8. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    I understand why you feel this way, but both my religious beliefs and how well I know this guy lead me to believe that there is hope for him. Given his full cooperation stance since he got caught, there's a decent chance he'll get rehab, and given how he was acting during the legal proceedings, I think it'll do him a lot of good. There's hope for everyone, and unlike most other people in his position, he fully realizes that his actions were wrong and feels remorse. He deserves prison, yes, but I don't think he's beyond help.
     
  9. Shattered
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    Wasn't this the guy that you posted about earlier this summer, or late last winter? The one wherein you said it was impossible that he was guilty, regardless of the fact that there was solid evidence to the contrary?

    If so.. I wouldn't expect rehab to do much good.. I'm sorry, but if I were you, I'd write this one up to a bad choice in friends, and move the hell on. Period. Something like that doesn't warrant a "second chance" in my opinion.
     
  10. dilloduck
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    dilloduck Diamond Member

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    Are you concerned about him or are you more angry that you could be gullible enough to be betrayed by a pervert?
     

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