History - Democrats and Republicans

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Gremlin-USA, May 25, 2010.

  1. Gremlin-USA

    Gremlin-USA <<< Me in 1970

    May 20, 2010
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    Gremlinville, USA
    For those that don't know about history, here is a condensed version...

    Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers.

    They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
    The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel..
    The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
    These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
    Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
    Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
    That's how villages were formed.
    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer.
    This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.
    This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
    Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
    Those became known as girlie-men.
    Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
    Over the years conservatives came to be symbolised by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
    Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.
    They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
    Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
    Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
    Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
    Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
    Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud, Coors or Miller.
    They eat red meat and still provide for their women.
    Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.
    Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
    Liberals produce little or nothing.
    They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production.
    Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans... that is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
    Liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
    Here ends today's lesson in world history:
    It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above.
    A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history.
    And there you have it... let your next action reveal your true self.
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  2. midcan5

    midcan5 liberal / progressive

    Jun 4, 2007
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    Philly, PA
    At least you are consistent, I've always argued if it weren't for liberals, conservatives would have nothing to do, and no one to blame for any change or progress they disagree with.

    Consider too, your fable makes no sense as what time in history would you like to be a conservative? I propose that if we were all conservatives we would still be living in caves howling at the moon. No one has ever countered that position, as no one has ever demonstrated a single conservative accomplishment that cannot be traced back to a liberal idea.

    liberals and conservatives

    Jonathan Haidt on the moral roots of liberals and conservatives | Video on TED.com


    A Short History of Conservative Obstruction to Progress | Conceptual Guerilla

    What Is Conservatism and What Is Wrong with It?

    Conservatives Live in a Different Moral Universe?And Here&#039;s Why It Matters | Mother Jones
  3. asaratis

    asaratis Uppity Senior Citizen Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Jun 20, 2009
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    Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
    Those became known as girlie-men.

    I like that!

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