Hi Everyone. I'm Here to Discuss Gardening.

Here's what I'm trying to do. I'm moving into a new fancy-dancy neighborhood and am building a big honkin' house, and I want to be able tell my neighbors, "I'm better than you."

What sort of gardening things do I need to do that?
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An arbor is always good, and you HAVE to have wisteria (that's the purple stuff). It's a vine you can train up the house walls or porch, too, but then you have to worry about it rotting the walls, I suppose. An arbor is always a very hoity toity addition. Maybe a little statue of a naked person at the end. Or a fountain with a little boy peeing.
 
The destruction of natural bee habitat seems to warrant human intervention of some kind.
 
Here's what I'm trying to do. I'm moving into a new fancy-dancy neighborhood and am building a big honkin' house, and I want to be able tell my neighbors, "I'm better than you."

What sort of gardening things do I need to do that?
edxmfIq.jpg


An arbor is always good, and you HAVE to have wisteria (that's the purple stuff). It's a vine you can train up the house walls or porch, too, but then you have to worry about it rotting the walls, I suppose. An arbor is always a very hoity toity addition. Maybe a little statue of a naked person at the end. Or a fountain with a little boy peeing.
Really, don't be rude we all know that a black jockey is the statue to have...
 
Here's what I'm trying to do. I'm moving into a new fancy-dancy neighborhood and am building a big honkin' house, and I want to be able tell my neighbors, "I'm better than you."

What sort of gardening things do I need to do that?

Yuge gold planters! Yes! :113:
 
I'm building a house and I want to learn all about this whole gardening thing.

What do I need to know?


Toro, it all breaks down to a few simple basics:
  1. KNOW YOUR GROWING ZONE. Then chose plants suitable for your climate.
  2. KNOW YOUR SOIL TYPES. Then prepare a mostly loam soil. Some plants will do even better in a sandy loam, others will tolerate more clay.
  3. KNOW YOUR MOISTURE NEEDS. Some plants need heavy water, others need the soil to dry first before soaking again.
  4. KNOW YOUR FERTILIZER NEEDS. Some plants have high demand. Nitrogen is mostly for green, leafy top growth. Potassium is most for roots and phosphorous mainly for the flowering heads.
  5. KNOW YOUR LIGHTING NEEDS. Some plants demand a full sun all day long. Others will tolerate more shade.
  6. KNOW YOUR TEMPERATURE NEEDS. Some plants like it hot. Others need cool weather to mature.
Look at your available location, look at your climate and weather. Look at your basic soil, then decide which plants and where to plant them that you can meet their needs so they meet yours and you'll have 90% of all the bases covered. There are some good books out there. You can further improve things through various planting methods: raised beds or container gardening afford you more control and to warm the soil more sooner, faster.

I prefer to start my seed sets indoors under artificial light in peat pots. Then when they are old enough to take the outdoors and the weather has warmed, you can drop the whole thing in the ground without root shock.
 
Here's what I'm trying to do. I'm moving into a new fancy-dancy neighborhood and am building a big honkin' house, and I want to be able tell my neighbors, "I'm better than you."

What sort of gardening things do I need to do that?
If That's True
Then You Need To Go To A Professional Landscaper And Get A Plan
They Will Plan For Succession In Your Ornamentals
Most Of All
The Front Of The House Needs To Remain Formal
Nothing Blocking Between The Door And The Curb
The Back, With A Fence
You Can Play Around With
 
Moonglow said:
Do it like they do in Bella Vista, Arkanslaw, a retirement community, the old fucks have gravel for a yard.
HA !!
I Once Saw A House
They Concreted The Entire Front Yard
And Painted It Green !!
 
Here's what I'm trying to do. I'm moving into a new fancy-dancy neighborhood and am building a big honkin' house, and I want to be able tell my neighbors, "I'm better than you."

What sort of gardening things do I need to do that?

If you build a house that is 'better' than anyone else in the neighborhood, your $-per-sq. ft' - market value could be negatively impacted. However, your bragging rights may be more valuable to you. Also, if your are lucky, some other homeowners may follow in kind however, that is speculation only. Good luck!
 
The FZ is a great place to learn all about weed, but my HOA doesn't allow it.

And it's 30-fucking-grand for landscaping.

So if I'm going to lay out that much cash, I want to do it in the most pretentious way possible!


Oh shit an hoa...you're gonna have bigger problems from busy body hitlers with tits
 
Do what you want with your yard, but as soon as I can round up the cash, I'm gonna asphalt my whole yard. No more having to mow every time the grass gets tall enough for the neighbors kids to get lost in it for me.
 
Do what you want with your yard, but as soon as I can round up the cash, I'm gonna asphalt my whole yard. No more having to mow every time the grass gets tall enough for the neighbors kids to get lost in it for me.
I don't mow my front yard it's around ten acres and I damn sure don't mow the backyard it's thirty acres. I have some of the best variety of wild flowers growing..
 
My sister contracted for a house in the fanciest danciest neighborhood in the city that had hundreds of boxwoods on less than an acre lot. I was so glad that deal fell through when they refused to have a new roof put on when the inspector discovered their son's newly done do it yourself roof was leaking in several places. I told her it would take me a year to make sense of that landscaping and get those stupid boxwoods down to a respectable number. Even better the house she did buy has two trees in the front, 1 in the back and is just a whole lot of nothing but grass in between so my back much appreciates her fallback house.
 
Do what you want with your yard, but as soon as I can round up the cash, I'm gonna asphalt my whole yard. No more having to mow every time the grass gets tall enough for the neighbors kids to get lost in it for me.
Mine's xeriscaped though the previous owner put two maple trees in the front and a sugar maple in the back. Who the hell does that in the desert? Well the sugar maple is almost dead and one of the others up front is getting there, figure I'll have to rip the healthy one out, right now it's only about 10 foot tall.
 

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