Hatred

[lizzie]

Does the Dahlia Lama suggest that we try to focus on the hated object and try to find positive things to say? Or that we try to erase them from our thoughts?

I'm certainly no Dalai Lama, but I suggest that we find the lovable part of the person and love them for it. Admittedly, it is sometimes well-hidden, but it's there in every single human. This does not imply that we encourage bad habits or praise people for the things we don't agree with, but it does imply that we understand their humanity, and that we can live with their imperfections, just as we want people to live with ours. Imo, trying to erase things from our thoughts is a practice in avoidance and denial, while trying to find positive things to say is betrayal of one's own feelings. There is no reason that we must be stirred to either extreme, when we can just let things be as they are and tend to our own lives.

 

[Madeline]

Well, that's pretty much what all my friends say. I try, I do. And then something happens, I find fault with this bitch (again) and I begin imagining......

I'm far from perfect too, Sky Dancer. I can hold a grudge like nobody's business. But you are right...and so are many others who have posted here. It does not advance the cause of Justice; it's just mental garbage.

Still. He he he.

 

[Sky Dancer]

I think the real trick to this is finding the tender spot and being willing to stay with that. So often what we do is armor against the hurt and posture aggressiveness.

Holding a grudge and thinking you're right for doing so. Compelling stuff.

 

[Sky Dancer]

Does the Dahlia Lama suggest that we try to focus on the hated object and try to find positive things to say? Or that we try to erase them from our thoughts?

I'm certainly no Dalai Lama, but I suggest that we find the lovable part of the person and love them for it. Admittedly, it is sometimes well-hidden, but it's there in every single human. This does not imply that we encourage bad habits or praise people for the things we don't agree with, but it does imply that we understand their humanity, and that we can live with their imperfections, just as we want people to live with ours. Imo, trying to erase things from our thoughts is a practice in avoidance and denial, while trying to find positive things to say is betrayal of one's own feelings. There is no reason that we must be stirred to either extreme, when we can just let things be as they are and tend to our own lives.

One of the Buddhist teachings that I often forget about is 'Friends, enemies and strangers'.

With friends, we tend to exaggerate their positive qualities and mimimze their negative sides.

With enemies, we do the opposiite. We exaggerate their negative qualities and minimize their positive sides.

With strangers we tend to be neutral.

Your suggesting bringing forth the positive qualities of the person you hate. That's a profound Buddhist practice, lizzie.

 

[Avatar4321]

It's tough for me to just stand there open in the face of someone who is cold and rejecting.

Have you ever asked yourself if others feel that way about you?

 

[Madeline]

It's hard for me to believe anyone ever feels "coldly rejected" by Sky Dancer, Avatar. Nobody strives harder to be nice to people she disagrees with, IMO, not on USMB anyway. God knows, I have never seen her be half the bitch I can be.

I guess we can all stand improvement, huh?

 

[ABikerSailor]

It's tough for me to just stand there open in the face of someone who is cold and rejecting.

Have you ever asked yourself if others feel that way about you?

That's kind of a fucked up question Avatar, because then you are letting others dictate how you feel about yourself.

One of my greatest teachers was a man named Ned. He taught me a lot about myself, as well as a lot about other people. Tell ya the truth, it was a great thing that he was willing to take me under his wing.

One day, we were talking about how I was pissed off at someone and we were discussing how people feel about each other. He then threw one of the cooler pieces of wisdom and how to interact others with the following statement........

"It matters nothing what you think of me. It matters EVERYTHING what I think of you".

Basically that means whatever you think of me, in real life or on the messageboards doesn't matter one whit to me. Why? Because no matter what your attitude towards me is, my world will continue to spin and I will continue to live and be happy.

On the other hand, it matters everything what I think of you. If I treat you as a friend, you're gonna want to be around me. Why? Simple.....I treat my friends well. If I think that you're a useless douchebag, I will treat you less than admirably, and you will wish to not be around me so much. Why? Because nobody likes being treated badly (except for certain S and M fetishists).

I don't let other people dictate how I feel about myself, I let God and the world do that for me.

I'm usually pretty serene most of the time.

 

[bodecea]

Kinda like Sky hates Christians because4 they oppose same sex marriages. Well some do anyway. She has gone so far as to declare Christians more dangerous to her then Muslim terrorists.

Sky says she hates Christians? Link to her saying that please.

 

[Hister]

The dalai lama is an imposter, but he likes to have his feet kissed.

 

[ABikerSailor]

The dalai lama is an imposter, but he likes to have his feet kissed.

Are you this stupid naturally, or do you have to beat yourself with a brick wall every morning?

Tell ya what Hister, you can kiss my ass while I kick yours.

 

[lizzie]

It's tough for me to just stand there open in the face of someone who is cold and rejecting.

Have you ever asked yourself if others feel that way about you?

That's kind of a fucked up question Avatar, because then you are letting others dictate how you feel about yourself.

Not necessarily. People often hate the qualities in other people that they themselves possess.

 

[Sky Dancer]

The whole idea of hatred arising out of grudges continues to be illuminating to me. It makes me want to do everything in my power to let go of grudges.

 

[lizzie]

It makes me want to do everything in my power to let go of grudges.

It's more difficult than it sounds, and in my experience is more about patience than doing everything in your power. Letting go of grudges is a passive act that happens naturally when you reach the point that you don't let others define you, and you are happy with what, when, and where you are. As long as you're in a fight, it will elude you. I don't mean to make it sound easy, because it's anything but.

 

[Sky Dancer]

That's the rip, isn't it? There will always be those who oppose our happiness. What to do?

 

[lizzie]

That's the rip, isn't it? There will always be those who oppose our happiness. What to do?

Be happy.

In reality, others can't oppose our happiness. They can try as they may, they can rant and rave, they can try to throw obstacles, but happiness is not dependent on what others do or say. It's in your own heart and mind.

 

[Sky Dancer]

Be happy and fight for your rights.

 

[Avatar4321]

It's hard for me to believe anyone ever feels "coldly rejected" by Sky Dancer, Avatar. Nobody strives harder to be nice to people she disagrees with, IMO, not on USMB anyway. God knows, I have never seen her be half the bitch I can be.

I guess we can all stand improvement, huh?

We can all stand for improvement. personally I don't see the same thing with sky. No offense sky. I have nothing against you. Just have to say there are times you arent friendly.

Of course, I don't see my flaws easily myself. I've been learning a number of painful truths about myself lately. It's not easy. Alot of its just admitting that you arent who you view yourself.

I've been looking at Ben Franklins virtue program. I think it's a pretty good program though I will readily admit I am not good at following it or establishing my own. But I figure effort now will pay off later.

Sorry if im rambling. Ive got a bit of a head cold today and Im not really thinking as clearly as usual.

 

[Avatar4321]

It's tough for me to just stand there open in the face of someone who is cold and rejecting.

Have you ever asked yourself if others feel that way about you?

That's kind of a fucked up question Avatar, because then you are letting others dictate how you feel about yourself.

One of my greatest teachers was a man named Ned. He taught me a lot about myself, as well as a lot about other people. Tell ya the truth, it was a great thing that he was willing to take me under his wing.

One day, we were talking about how I was pissed off at someone and we were discussing how people feel about each other. He then threw one of the cooler pieces of wisdom and how to interact others with the following statement........

"It matters nothing what you think of me. It matters EVERYTHING what I think of you".

Basically that means whatever you think of me, in real life or on the messageboards doesn't matter one whit to me. Why? Because no matter what your attitude towards me is, my world will continue to spin and I will continue to live and be happy.

On the other hand, it matters everything what I think of you. If I treat you as a friend, you're gonna want to be around me. Why? Simple.....I treat my friends well. If I think that you're a useless douchebag, I will treat you less than admirably, and you will wish to not be around me so much. Why? Because nobody likes being treated badly (except for certain S and M fetishists).

I don't let other people dictate how I feel about myself, I let God and the world do that for me.

I'm usually pretty serene most of the time.

I disagree. I think it allows you to look at yourself through other peoples eyes. You might find more compassion to them and understand where they are coming from better. At least my experience. Usually just having the time to reflect on it allows us to cool off and put things in perspective.

 

[Sky Dancer]

It's hard for me to believe anyone ever feels "coldly rejected" by Sky Dancer, Avatar. Nobody strives harder to be nice to people she disagrees with, IMO, not on USMB anyway. God knows, I have never seen her be half the bitch I can be.

I guess we can all stand improvement, huh?

We can all stand for improvement. personally I don't see the same thing with sky. No offense sky. I have nothing against you. Just have to say there are times you arent friendly.

Of course, I don't see my flaws easily myself. I've been learning a number of painful truths about myself lately. It's not easy. Alot of its just admitting that you arent who you view yourself.

I've been looking at Ben Franklins virtue program. I think it's a pretty good program though I will readily admit I am not good at following it or establishing my own. But I figure effort now will pay off later.

Sorry if im rambling. Ive got a bit of a head cold today and Im not really thinking as clearly as usual.

I'm not always friendly. True enough.

 

[Avatar4321]

The whole idea of hatred arising out of grudges continues to be illuminating to me. It makes me want to do everything in my power to let go of grudges.

Not an easy job. Some of our grudges are so deep we don't even necessarily see them.

I had a Great Aunt who refused to talk to her brother for the rest of his life because of some incident that no one remembers.

Life's too short to have grudges. That's why the Lord taught us to forgive others. It wasn't for their sake. It was for ours.