Happily Married?

[JakeStarkey]

My first wife died many years ago after we had four children. My second wife was a friend of my first wife. I did not know it, but the first one "willed" me to the second one. I did not find out until years later.

What worked in both marriages was this: be honest, don't judge others by actions when judging yourself by grace, remember the important days, managing on one income while having two incomes and being in debt only on the mortgage, understanding my wife(s) is generally smarter than I am about relationships, my wife(s) understanding my male frail ego so letting me be "in charge" (after she concurred on whatever we were pondering), and committed to do no harm in the marriage.

I have been a very fortunate man and husband and father.

 

[Madeline]

That was a terrific post, JakeStakey. Thankies!

 

[mudwhistle]

That was a terrific post, JakeStakey. Thankies!

I know....for him that's rare.

 

[syrenn]

Ive been happily married for a very long time.

I think arguing and fighting and yelling is the demise of many marriages. Saying exactly what is on your mind the moment you are annoyed is a HUGE mistake.

 

[mudwhistle]

I'm not gonna be so vain to say that I know the answers.


Women are better at relationships but I've known some that get bored way to easily.

I guess a perfect match is one that starts early and doesn't form a means of comparison. A prospective match who's been through several bad relationships is a tough nut to crack.

Also if you settle for someone in hopes of changing them down the road you're making a mistake. Some set their sights too high. I believe it has alot to do with putting up with each other's flaws.

 

[uscitizen]

Many of the USMB-ers seem to be in happy marriages. This sorta fascinates me...I know plenty of people in long marriages, but few that seem happy. I had kinda sorta concluded that a happy marriage was akin to winning the lottery...it might nearly guarantee happiness, but the chances are very low it'll happen to you.

So if you count yourself among the fortunate few, tell us, how'd you get so lucky?

Me, I'm happily divorced. The only secret to happiness I gleaned was this: if a man (or woman) tells you they are a wretched asshole, do yourself a favor and believe them.

I too am happily divorced.

 

[Conspiracist]

Many of the USMB-ers seem to be in happy marriages. This sorta fascinates me...I know plenty of people in long marriages, but few that seem happy. I had kinda sorta concluded that a happy marriage was akin to winning the lottery...it might nearly guarantee happiness, but the chances are very low it'll happen to you.

So if you count yourself among the fortunate few, tell us, how'd you get so lucky?

Me, I'm happily divorced. The only secret to happiness I gleaned was this: if a man (or woman) tells you they are a wretched asshole, do yourself a favor and believe them.

I'm a wretched asshole!

 

[JakeStarkey]

I think it is better to be unhappily single than unhappily married.

And I may be wrong on this, but I think guys are much less worried about being alone when older than ladies are.

 

[Madeline]

Well, there's alone and then there's alone. My dentist has a long, happy second marriage....to his next door neighbor. They each own and live in their own homes, but they are happy. I think it's harder, as you get older, not to feel crowded by someone else....especially if you have been on your own awhile.

 

[mudwhistle]

Ive been happily married for a very long time.

I think arguing and fighting and yelling is the demise of many marriages. Saying exactly what is on your mind the moment you are annoyed is a HUGE mistake.

The trick is knowing when to swallow your pride and when to nip it in the bud.

 

[Modbert]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwoRMAC461A]YouTube - ‪Frank Sinatra - Love and Marriage (+lyrics)HD‬‎[/ame]

 

[JakeStarkey]

Ive been happily married for a very long time.

I think arguing and fighting and yelling is the demise of many marriages. Saying exactly what is on your mind the moment you are annoyed is a HUGE mistake.

The trick is knowing when to swallow your pride and when to nip it in the bud.

I agree with you on this, Mud, 100%.

 

[syrenn]

Ive been happily married for a very long time.

I think arguing and fighting and yelling is the demise of many marriages. Saying exactly what is on your mind the moment you are annoyed is a HUGE mistake.

The trick is knowing when to swallow your pride and when to nip it in the bud.

Its about learning how to breathe. It is not about pride, it is about controlling your self and not letting emotions run your mouth off.

People say ugly, hurtful and detrimentally harmful things when angry or sad or upset.


My husband an I have never had an agrument. We have never raised our voices to each other. We have never hurled insults or taken out bad days on each other.

 

[JakeStarkey]

My sister once told me, after a row with her hub, that "it's only words."

And I told her words can never be unsaid. She didn't talk to me for a while, but that's OK, as long as she and hub continued in a good marriage. Going on 37 years now, I think.

 

[Shadow]

My sister once told me, after a row with her hub, that "it's only words."

And I told her words can never be unsaid. She didn't talk to me for a while, but that's OK, as long as she and hub continued in a good marriage. Going on 37 years now, I think.

That is exactly right. You should never say anything in anger that you can't take back. Words do wound,and can dammage a relationship. Even if you apologize for them later.

 

[uscitizen]

A man marries a woman hoping she will never change.
A woman marries a man intending to change him.

 

[Paulie]

I find it hard to believe that all the posters' marriages here are happy.

There's no way some of these people can spend as much time as they do on here and still be happily married to their spouses.

 

[Madeline]

Mebbe they need alone time to be happy?

 

[Sherry]

Ive been happily married for a very long time.

I think arguing and fighting and yelling is the demise of many marriages. Saying exactly what is on your mind the moment you are annoyed is a HUGE mistake.

The trick is knowing when to swallow your pride and when to nip it in the bud.

Its about learning how to breathe. It is not about pride, it is about controlling your self and not letting emotions run your mouth off.

People say ugly, hurtful and detrimentally harmful things when angry or sad or upset.


My husband an I have never had an agrument. We have never raised our voices to each other. We have never hurled insults or taken out bad days on each other.

Never?? And you've been married a long time?? How often do you interact with each other??

I don't think arguing is a bad thing at all, and couples develop a certain sort of trust knowing that the other person still loves and accepts them even when they reveal their imperfections. The key is not to abuse the willingness to forgive by making it a habit.

 

[Toro]

I find it hard to believe that all the posters' marriages here are happy.

There's no way some of these people can spend as much time as they do on here and still be happily married to their spouses.

Being here all the time may be a reason why they're happily married.

My parents have been married for nearly 50 years, and for about a dozen or so, they worked together running a travel agency. I don't know how they did it. I'd probably go crazy if I were around my wife 24/7. Or more likely, she'd go crazy before me.

I've been married for 13 years. We've had, I think, one fight in the last five. Not sure if that's happiness or what. My wife has forgotten half our anniversaries though, so maybe that's "what!" lol