Happily Married?

[Madeline]

Many of the USMB-ers seem to be in happy marriages. This sorta fascinates me...I know plenty of people in long marriages, but few that seem happy. I had kinda sorta concluded that a happy marriage was akin to winning the lottery...it might nearly guarantee happiness, but the chances are very low it'll happen to you.

So if you count yourself among the fortunate few, tell us, how'd you get so lucky?

Me, I'm happily divorced. The only secret to happiness I gleaned was this: if a man (or woman) tells you they are a wretched asshole, do yourself a favor and believe them.

 

[Shadow]

What if they don't tell you they are a wretched asshole?

What if they actually walk around in a shirt that says "I'm a nice guy,just ask me". Wait...nevermind...I think I just answered my own question.

 

[Madeline]

The nice-guy act can be hard to penetrate Shadow, but if you listen to the man and he self-describes as an asshole, do yourself a favor and believe him. Don't make up a fairy tale about how he's really just misunderstood, etc. I wish someone had taught me this lesson.

In any event, avoiding bad people is hardly step one in forming a happy marriage. Surely there is more to it?

 

[Againsheila]

Many of the USMB-ers seem to be in happy marriages. This sorta fascinates me...I know plenty of people in long marriages, but few that seem happy. I had kinda sorta concluded that a happy marriage was akin to winning the lottery...it might nearly guarantee happiness, but the chances are very low it'll happen to you.

So if you count yourself among the fortunate few, tell us, how'd you get so lucky?

Me, I'm happily divorced. The only secret to happiness I gleaned was this: if a man (or woman) tells you they are a wretched asshole, do yourself a favor and believe them.

I was once asked the secret to our long marriage. I can boil it down pretty much to 3 words. "Get over it!"

Extended version: Neither one of you is perfect, neither one of you is ever gonna be perfect. Get used to that fact, be grateful you have each other, and move on.

I don't think a good marriage is luck, I think it's work. 80% give and 20% take, on both sides.

Of course, you do have to be smart enough to spot the right person. Looks are not the most important thing. My husband happens to be 6 inches shorter than me and my mother called him "homely". She didn't want me to marry him. Then he painted her a picture of my little brother and suddenly he was so talented and he could do no wrong.

His Dad didn't want me marrying him either. Only recently has his dad said to me that he's grateful I'm his daughter in law. The man used to think I was an idiot. Funny, the older I get, the more I act like an idiot, the smarter he thinks I am...

FYI, I've lost my mind, let me know if you find it.

 

[Madeline]

I do think in-laws can contribute to a happy marriage. Mine were an utter misery. When my kidlet marries, I hope to be a really wonderful mother-in-law. Any advice, people?

 

[Shadow]

The nice-guy act can be hard to penetrate Shadow, but if you listen to the man and he self-describes as an asshole, do yourself a favor and believe him. Don't make up a fairy tale about how he's really just misunderstood, etc. I wish someone had taught me this lesson.

In any event, avoiding bad people is hardly step one in forming a happy marriage. Surely there is more to it?

I have known a few assholes...and I don't think they ever described themselves that way to me. I think sometimes folks just see what they want to see in a person....and you learn as you go. One of the men I cared about the most in my life was actually a genuinely nice person...still is. He just didn't love me the way I loved him,and we were not good for each other. It also helps that you are actually in the same place in terms of relationship expectations.

As far as what it take to make a happy marriage...beats me. Never had one of those.

 

[Madeline]

You likely still will, Shadow. I hope you do.

 

[Sarah G]

I'm happily in love but not married.

 

[Madeline]

Good for you Sarah. That's still an accomplishment!

 

[Sarah G]

Good for you Sarah. That's still an accomplishment!

I've been married twice before. I really don't think it's for me.

 

[Madeline]

I'm well past child-bearing age, Sarah. I dun think I'd do it again either...but I still envy people who have the guts and wits to do it well.

 

[Shadow]

I do think in-laws can contribute to a happy marriage. Mine were an utter misery. When my kidlet marries, I hope to be a really wonderful mother-in-law. Any advice, people?

In my situation I can agree with this statement 100%. My Ex husbands parents tore each other appart verbally constantly,which in hindsight should have been a sign (which I missed,or ignored...being young and dumb). The mother in law used to talk to me like trash often... and the husband never stood up for me...not once. Later I recieved the wrath of his verbal assaults as well. Apparently this was a learned behavior.

 

[Sarah G]

I'm well past child-bearing age, Sarah. I dun think I'd do it again either...but I still envy people who have the guts and wits to do it well.

I believe my daughter has a happy marriage. Thank goodness my mistakes didn't affect her much. I agree some people want it to work so much that nothing else matters.

I do think I'm lucky to be with someone so right for me now. Marriage isn't on my radar.

 

[Shadow]

Many of the USMB-ers seem to be in happy marriages. This sorta fascinates me...I know plenty of people in long marriages, but few that seem happy. I had kinda sorta concluded that a happy marriage was akin to winning the lottery...it might nearly guarantee happiness, but the chances are very low it'll happen to you.

So if you count yourself among the fortunate few, tell us, how'd you get so lucky?

Me, I'm happily divorced. The only secret to happiness I gleaned was this: if a man (or woman) tells you they are a wretched asshole, do yourself a favor and believe them.

I was once asked the secret to our long marriage. I can boil it down pretty much to 3 words. "Get over it!"

Extended version: Neither one of you is perfect, neither one of you is ever gonna be perfect. Get used to that fact, be grateful you have each other, and move on.

I don't think a good marriage is luck, I think it's work. 80% give and 20% take, on both sides.

Of course, you do have to be smart enough to spot the right person. Looks are not the most important thing. My husband happens to be 6 inches shorter than me and my mother called him "homely". She didn't want me to marry him. Then he painted her a picture of my little brother and suddenly he was so talented and he could do no wrong.

His Dad didn't want me marrying him either. Only recently has his dad said to me that he's grateful I'm his daughter in law. The man used to think I was an idiot. Funny, the older I get, the more I act like an idiot, the smarter he thinks I am...

FYI, I've lost my mind, let me know if you find it.

I think you are correct about marriage being lots of work. And I'm happy you found the right man. Sounds like you have good inlaws also. I think it helps when the other family members make you feel like you belong and you are loved.

 

[Madeline]

So, any advice on being a great mother-in-law Sarah?

 

[Sarah G]

So, any advice on being a great mother-in-law Sarah?

I have a great son in law. He's easy to like, he's a fireman.

 

[Kat]

Very happily married to my soul mate.

 

[Madeline]

Well, you didna get him from a box of crackerjacks Kat.

Spill, woman. What's da secret?

 

[Kat]

Well, you didna get him from a box of crackerjacks Kat.

Spill, woman. What's da secret?

Seriously? I don't know. He is no push over, but is way laid back, while I am feisty.
We just click. Always have.

 

[Madeline]

Damn woman, you're no help! LOL.

Congrats, Kat.