hangover jokes

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shape shifter....

 

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How many guys can participate in a gang bang before it's gay?

Women fake orgasms to have relationships. Men fake relationships to have orgasms.

I'd like to point out that 'beautiful' has u in it. But, 'quickie' has u & i together.

Scientists say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 5 inches. This just shows how big the Chinese population is getting.

 

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A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and
whacked him on the head with a magazine.
'What was that for?' he asked.
'That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,' she replied.
'Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,' he explained.
'Oh darling, I'm sorry,' she said. 'I should have known there was a good explanation.'
Three days later he was watching TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with a frying pan, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, 'What was that for?'
'Your horse phoned

 

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The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week.
One Sunday an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her.
He noted what a fine looking woman she was!
While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said,
"Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"
"Why yes, that would be nice", the lady responded.

Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck.......
On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina.
When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested, "Would you like a cocktail before dinner?'
"Oh, Lord NO," said the fine example of southern womanhood.
"Whatever would I tell my Sunday School class?"
Well, the gentleman was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner when he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked,
"Would you like a smoke?"
"Oh my goodness NO", said the woman. "I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did!"
Well, the man felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn.
He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose, so he asked,
"Ahhh ... mmmm how would you like to stop at this motel?"
"Sure, that would be nice,", she said in anticipation.
The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast u-turn right then and there, and drove back to the motel and checked in.
The next morning, after a wild and passionate night of the most incredible sex imaginable, the gentleman awoke first.
He looked at the lovely Dixie darling lying there in the bed and was curious.

He shook her awake and pleaded, "I've got to ask you one thing.....what are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"
The lady said, "The same thing I always tell them --- that you don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time!"

 

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After a long night buying a foxy woman drinks, Joe took advantage by giving her a ride home. After the walk to the door, the woman asked Joe in for a nightcap... One thing led to another and before you know it, Joe was naked. After making great love Joe rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, Joe asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer.", she said. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, Joe began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded Joe bewildered. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

 

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A blonde goes to her gynecologist and tells him that she keeps finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in her vagina. He says, "Those aren't postage stamps, they're stickers off the bananas."

Grandfather tells his grandson that his young generation is too reliant on technology. Grandson replies, "Well which one of us needs a pace maker to keep living?"

The old saying is, "Don't take your troubles to bed with you." But men continue to sleep with their wives.

 

[ClosedCaption]

What rock group has 4 members and none of them sing?




Mount Rushmore.


...I'm so Sorry