Gosh, I'm a Melancholy Grandpaw

[Eightball]

I'm struggling here folks. We've got three grown sons...
There all married...........and we have two grand children from two of the son's marriages.

Me......old grandpa have gotten quite bonded to my 3 1/2 year old grandson. His mom and dad live only about 10-15 minutes from us, and are families have spent a lot of time together.

Our 10 year old granddaughter lives all the way in Iowa. We don't get to see here very much. Her parents(oldest son) are trying to move out West to be closer to us, so they and their daughter can have more time with us.(We hope and pray)

Anyway........sometimes during the week, I get permission from my son and his wife to take my grandson out of day-care, and spend the day with him doing things.

This might entail......staying at our house and just playing blocks, tinker toys, lincoln logs.......or fooling around in our back yard looking for bugs and worms to feed to our gold fish in our little back yard pond.

Anyway........last week, my son called me to say that he and his wife will probably be moving out of state because our daughter-in-law got a big job promotion, and this will their opportunity to afford a home and not rent anymore.

The big "but", is this...........My wife(grandma) and me will not be seeing are grandson as much. They will still be driving distance(5-6 hours away), but we won't be breaking bread together as often, and we definitely won't be doing much baby-sitting of our grandson when our son and his wife want to go out to dinner.

Anyway......I'm already anticipating this "loss" of sorts, and it really pains me inside........

I walk around our house and see the little toys and things that our grandson plays with. In fact, I was coming home from IKEA with a little children's play/eating table and two chairs to surprise my grandson and with. His very own table to eat meals on, and to do coloring......etc...

I want my son and his wife and family to have that house of their own. In fact, I'm very happy for them.........They've really struggled financially, and this could be a great opportunity for them. We live in the San Jose/Silicon Valley area of California, and housing prices make purchases very prohibitive for young couples/families unless they are almost making 3-figure incomes. They have a great opportunity in Reno, Nevada as the place where our son's wife will have her work relocated and also have a substantial pay increase.

I will really miss seeing all of them.........I really love these kids, and I will not hinder them from making this decision, but I'm aching inside as I am going to miss them as often as we have up to now.

I kept hoping and praying that somehow the kids would find some way to stay here in the San Jose area, or atleast not have to go too far.

I guess it's better than moving all the way to the other side of the country.

What's funny, is that our other two sons who live in Toledo, Oh, and Iowa respectively, are trying their darndest to get back to California and be closer to us.

We aren't talking about some unhealthy co-dependent relationship here........just family that likes being near, and enjoys doing and being together.

Maybe we're throw-backs to the old Walton's family......
We have are differences, but we enjoy being together.
We do need our space............but being separated by vast distances..........I'm a struggling grandpa/dad.

My grandson really likes spending time with me too.
.........
I guess I'm done with my crying/whining........
.........

 

[Mr. P]

Wishing you the best, Eightball.

 

[Nienna]

It's so nice to see family really caring about each other like this. You have my prayers.

 

[Johnney]

Our 10 year old granddaughter lives all the way in Iowa. We don't get to see here very much. Her parents(oldest son) are trying to move out West to be closer to us, so they and their daughter can have more time with us.(We hope and pray)

well lets make it sound like Iowa is on the moon...lol
i live in iowa, not a bad state.

but seriously, i know this sounds crappy too, but they have to do whats best for them. i know sitting here in iowa, half a block from my parents house, 3 blocks from my sisters house, its easy for me to say. visitations will come soon enough bro.

 

[Shattered]

well lets make it sound like Iowa is on the moon...lol
<b>i live in iowa, not a bad state.</b>

but seriously, i know this sounds crappy too, but they have to do whats best for them. i know sitting here in iowa, half a block from my parents house, 3 blocks from my sisters house, its easy for me to say. visitations will come soon enough bro.

You've become one of them, haven't you?

 

[Johnney]

one of them what? maybe i have and jsut dont know it

 

[Trigg]

After watching home shows on TV where they show a 2 bedroom house in California for close to half a million, I don't know how anyone affords to live there. Let alone people with kids who are having to pay daycare.

Have you considered moving closer to your kids instead of the other way around since they live in cheaper areas of the country?

 

[Annie]

Eightball, have you and the misses considered moving to a lower cost area, with job availabilities? Seems like a win/win.

 

[Eightball]

Moving to another area........there are some lower cost areas in California........and we have a pretty good equity in our house, but it isn't paid off, and probably won't be.

My wife and I may consider moving, but right now with everyone scattered around the nation.......it's better we wait and see where everyone plants themselves for sure.

We have a pretty limited income, by the way......I'm on early retirement disability, and my wife hopes to get in another 8-10 years of work.

Recently she was laid off of her 15 year job at a Silicon Valley Company. It was a pretty big blow to us......She is now temping at another job, but is also in the interviewing process for Admin, and Executive Admin. positions.

Right now we need to stand pat........or stay put......and see how things unfold...........Moving for may be down the road..........but right now........we need to just get our finances/budget back to something close to normal and go from there.
..........

I have to take things one at a time right now.......the job loss a couple months back and now the possible move of our son, and his family from our area is another thump in the stress area for me. One of the things in my disability is how stress hits me............I used to work in heavy construction for years..........running jobs.......etc.......but my whole system, bodily went kind of bezerk.......and now some of the most minor things/challenges of life are like major mountains for me. It's still wonderful that my three sons still call me(dad) and ask advice, even though they are mature, and independent married males. I'v very proud of them, and I sure appreciate how much they look up to me, even though I'm in a kind of limited state. I also thank the dear Lord that I still have my legs, feet, and eyesight, and my mind is still pretty sound, although, I sure can get emotional sometimes.

My dad used to jokingly say, "Fathers are a sorry lot." lol

I'm very happy to be a dad and still be needed for things, but even happier that these young men are becoming more and more independent in making decisions for their's and their family's lives.

 

[Annie]

Moving to another area........there are some lower cost areas in California........and we have a pretty good equity in our house, but it isn't paid off, and probably won't be.

My wife and I may consider moving, but right now with everyone scattered around the nation.......it's better we wait and see where everyone plants themselves for sure.

We have a pretty limited income, by the way......I'm on early retirement disability, and my wife hopes to get in another 8-10 years of work.

Recently she was laid off of her 15 year job at a Silicon Valley Company. It was a pretty big blow to us......She is now temping at another job, but is also in the interviewing process for Admin, and Executive Admin. positions.

Right now we need to stand pat........or stay put......and see how things unfold...........Moving for may be down the road..........but right now........we need to just get our finances/budget back to something close to normal and go from there.
..........

My prayers and 'wishes' are with you. if worse comes to worse, remember that even 3 year olds can email pics/drawings and you'll be doing them a favor in tech savvy!

 

[Eightball]

Thank you all for the encouraging replies.
........

I think I'm gradually improving in the emotions department.

I guess me and my grandson had a pretty strong bond, and I'm reaping the effects of it, as I'm ruminating the family moving away.
........

My wife and I went out to Lowe's earlier and loaded up on some new nursery plants for the front and back yard.
........
We are definitely "empty nesters"...........
..........

Thanks to all again for the replies.

 

[Said1]

Your post brought back a lot of memories. My parents moved around the country a lot when I was a kid. Of course it was hard on everyone, but for me it was especially hard because grannie and grampie were my favorite people in the world.

I hope everything works out, I understand what you must be feeling.