George Costanza Reporting From the Republican Debate

[George Costanza]

Hello, everybody. This is George Costanza, reporting from Atlanta, GA, where I am about to listen to the Republican candidate’s debate. I am standing among the crowd, waiting for the actual debate to start. A number of the participants are working the room as I speak and . . . wait a minute . . . I think I am going to be able to . . .

“Senator Santorum! Do you have a moment, sir? My listeners would love to hear a word from you.”

Sen. Santorum: “Of course, George. Glad to oblige.”

GC: “Excellent. So, tell me, Senator - I understand that you have some information about Governor Perry’s handling of the immigration problem in Texas.”

Sen. Santorum: “Yes, I do, George. Glad you asked. Did you know, George, that Governor Perry has provided in-state tuition for illegal immigrants?”

GC: “I didn’t know that, Senator. Why do you think he did that?”

Sen. Santorum: “Maybe that was an attempt to attract the illegal vote - I mean, the Latino voters?”

GC: “Excuse me, Senator? I guess the Senator had to rush off. Well, let’s see if we can find anyone else . . . ah, yes - Governor Perry! Do you have a moment, sir?”

Governor Perry: “Hello, George! How the hell are ya?”

GC: “Just fine, sir. Let me ask you, are you going to unveil any new plans for how you would run the country in tonight’s debate?”

Gov. Perry: “Yes, I am, George. So glad you asked. Of course, I can’t give anything away yet, but let’s just say that I am going to propose a three-part plan that is going to knock this country’s socks off! Yes sir, in an effort to save money and reduce federal spending, I am going to eliminate three very well known, federal departments. Did I say three? Yes, that’s right. Three. Or maybe just two. I would name them for you if I could think of them. Hopefully, I can bring them to mind before the debate starts.”

GC: “I see. Well, thank you sir. Hmmmm . . . oh, look, it’s Newt Gingrich. And who is that young woman with him? Must be his granddaughter. Oh, Mr. Speaker . . . do you have a moment?”

Newt: “Sure do, George. Good to see y’all.”

GC: “Good to see you, Mr. Speaker. May I ask, sir, what is that you have there?”

Newt: “These three luggage bags and the four duffle bags? I like to call all of these my baggage, George. I carry it with me everywhere I go. Pretty spiffy, huh?”

GC: “Yes, it is, sir. And you certainly appear to have a lot of it. Will you be carrying it with you into the 2012 campaign?”

Newt: “Sure will, George. Don’t have much choice, if you know what I mean. (chuckling) Here you go, Valerie. Why don’t you run over to Nordstrom’s and get yourself a little something nice to wear at beddy-time while I run through this debate.”

GC: “Who is that, sir?”

Newt: (winking) “My personal secretary, George. Goes with me everywhere. Isn’t she a doll?”

GC: “Hmmmmm . . . yes, sir. Well good luck tonight. We have time for one more interview and . . . yes . . . Ms. Bachman! Do you have a second or two to share with my listeners?”

Michelle: “Of course, George. So nice to see you tonight.”

GC: “Well, it’s nice to see you too. Tell me, Ms. Bachman, how would you classify yourself in this race?”

Michelle: “Well, George, I am a candidate with spirit - the spirit that has made this country great. Did you know I am from Waterloo, Iowa. A great little town in the Center of this Great Country! Did you know that JOHN WAYNE was from Waterloo also? That’s the kind of spirit I have too - just like him!”

GC: “Um . . . I don’t think John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa, Ms. Bachman. John Wayne GACY was from Waterloo, Iowa. You were aware of that, right? John Wayne Gacy, the serial killer?”

Michelle: “Oh, excuse me, George, I have to run. They are doing a Sarah Palin look-alike contest over there and I wanted to get into it before the debate actually begins. Ta, ta for now!”

GC: Well, that’s about all the time we have for tonight. Sorry I couldn’t interview Ron Paul but, then, no one interviews Ron Paul. Until next time, this is George Costanza signing off from the Republican debate in Atlanta, Georgia. Good night everybody.

 

[TruthSeeker56]

Perfect commentary from a professional HYPOCRITE.

So when are we going to get your take on giants of integrity and morality like Bill Clinton and John Edwards and Barney Frank and Christopher Dodd and Al Gore and the Kennedy clan (pick any one of them)............well, the list is endless.

 

[freedombecki]

Well, that leaves only one man standing, George. YOU.

 

[George Costanza]

Perfect commentary from a professional HYPOCRITE.

So when are we going to get your take on giants of integrity and morality like Bill Clinton and John Edwards and Barney Frank and Christopher Dodd and Al Gore and the Kennedy clan (pick any one of them)............well, the list is endless.

Just stick around, sunshine - I am a non-partisan reporter. There is lots more in store for Obama and those around him.

In the meantime, remove the stick from your ass, reassess your ability to appreciate a little humor and enjoy the holidays.

 

[MeBelle]

George for President!!

 

[martybegan]

2/10 BE MOAR FUNNY

 

[PredFan]

Perfect commentary from a professional HYPOCRITE.

So when are we going to get your take on giants of integrity and morality like Bill Clinton and John Edwards and Barney Frank and Christopher Dodd and Al Gore and the Kennedy clan (pick any one of them)............well, the list is endless.

Just stick around, sunshine - I am a non-partisan reporter. There is lots more in store for Obama and those around him.

In the meantime, remove the stick from your ass, reassess your ability to appreciate a little humor and enjoy the holidays.

Sorry Georgey boy that wasn't at all funny.

 

[George Costanza]

And they say cons have no sense of humor. Where did that EVER come from?

 

[Billy000]

Hello, everybody. This is George Costanza, reporting from Atlanta, GA, where I am about to listen to the Republican candidate’s debate. I am standing among the crowd, waiting for the actual debate to start. A number of the participants are working the room as I speak and . . . wait a minute . . . I think I am going to be able to . . .

“Senator Santorum! Do you have a moment, sir? My listeners would love to hear a word from you.”

Sen. Santorum: “Of course, George. Glad to oblige.”

GC: “Excellent. So, tell me, Senator - I understand that you have some information about Governor Perry’s handling of the immigration problem in Texas.”

Sen. Santorum: “Yes, I do, George. Glad you asked. Did you know, George, that Governor Perry has provided in-state tuition for illegal immigrants?”

GC: “I didn’t know that, Senator. Why do you think he did that?”

Sen. Santorum: “Maybe that was an attempt to attract the illegal vote - I mean, the Latino voters?”

GC: “Excuse me, Senator? I guess the Senator had to rush off. Well, let’s see if we can find anyone else . . . ah, yes - Governor Perry! Do you have a moment, sir?”

Governor Perry: “Hello, George! How the hell are ya?”

GC: “Just fine, sir. Let me ask you, are you going to unveil any new plans for how you would run the country in tonight’s debate?”

Gov. Perry: “Yes, I am, George. So glad you asked. Of course, I can’t give anything away yet, but let’s just say that I am going to propose a three-part plan that is going to knock this country’s socks off! Yes sir, in an effort to save money and reduce federal spending, I am going to eliminate three very well known, federal departments. Did I say three? Yes, that’s right. Three. Or maybe just two. I would name them for you if I could think of them. Hopefully, I can bring them to mind before the debate starts.”

GC: “I see. Well, thank you sir. Hmmmm . . . oh, look, it’s Newt Gingrich. And who is that young woman with him? Must be his granddaughter. Oh, Mr. Speaker . . . do you have a moment?”

Newt: “Sure do, George. Good to see y’all.”

GC: “Good to see you, Mr. Speaker. May I ask, sir, what is that you have there?”

Newt: “These three luggage bags and the four duffle bags? I like to call all of these my baggage, George. I carry it with me everywhere I go. Pretty spiffy, huh?”

GC: “Yes, it is, sir. And you certainly appear to have a lot of it. Will you be carrying it with you into the 2012 campaign?”

Newt: “Sure will, George. Don’t have much choice, if you know what I mean. (chuckling) Here you go, Valerie. Why don’t you run over to Nordstrom’s and get yourself a little something nice to wear at beddy-time while I run through this debate.”

GC: “Who is that, sir?”

Newt: (winking) “My personal secretary, George. Goes with me everywhere. Isn’t she a doll?”

GC: “Hmmmmm . . . yes, sir. Well good luck tonight. We have time for one more interview and . . . yes . . . Ms. Bachman! Do you have a second or two to share with my listeners?”

Michelle: “Of course, George. So nice to see you tonight.”

GC: “Well, it’s nice to see you too. Tell me, Ms. Bachman, how would you classify yourself in this race?”

Michelle: “Well, George, I am a candidate with spirit - the spirit that has made this country great. Did you know I am from Waterloo, Iowa. A great little town in the Center of this Great Country! Did you know that JOHN WAYNE was from Waterloo also? That’s the kind of spirit I have too - just like him!”

GC: “Um . . . I don’t think John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa, Ms. Bachman. John Wayne GACY was from Waterloo, Iowa. You were aware of that, right? John Wayne Gacy, the serial killer?”

Michelle: “Oh, excuse me, George, I have to run. They are doing a Sarah Palin look-alike contest over there and I wanted to get into it before the debate actually begins. Ta, ta for now!”

GC: Well, that’s about all the time we have for tonight. Sorry I couldn’t interview Ron Paul but, then, no one interviews Ron Paul. Until next time, this is George Costanza signing off from the Republican debate in Atlanta, Georgia. Good night everybody.

That was quite entertaining.

 

[DiamondDave]

Belongs in romper room.. not politics forum

 

[freedombecki]

Belongs in romper room.. not politics forum

It's a political satire, DD. It couldn't fit in any better place than in politics, imho. Just because people who read it do not wish to punch somebody's lights out with brass knuckles does not mean it does not have a place in the political world.

Au contraire, mon amie, the world of politics in America is hurting for a calming political influence, and Mr. Costanza's merry-hearted voice, measured as neutrally as it can be, is acceptable political discourse, no, desperately needed political discourse in this divided nation.

What a gift in the spirit of the season. Just sayin'

 

[DiamondDave]

Belongs in romper room.. not politics forum

It's a political satire, DD. It couldn't fit in any better place than in politics, imho. Just because people who read it do not wish to punch somebody's lights out with brass knuckles does not mean it does not have a place in the political world.
Au contraire, mon amie, the world of politics in America is hurting for a calming political influence, and Mr. Costanza's merry-hearted voice, measured as neutrally as it can be, is acceptable political discourse, no, desperately needed political discourse in this divided nation.

What a gift in the spirit of the season. Just sayin'

It is a farce... from a troll.. with no basis in real politics or truth or anything else... it is romper room material

 

[Soggy in NOLA]

Hello, everybody. This is George Costanza, reporting from Atlanta, GA, where I am about to listen to the Republican candidate’s debate. I am standing among the crowd, waiting for the actual debate to start. A number of the participants are working the room as I speak and . . . wait a minute . . . I think I am going to be able to . . .

“Senator Santorum! Do you have a moment, sir? My listeners would love to hear a word from you.”

Sen. Santorum: “Of course, George. Glad to oblige.”

GC: “Excellent. So, tell me, Senator - I understand that you have some information about Governor Perry’s handling of the immigration problem in Texas.”

Sen. Santorum: “Yes, I do, George. Glad you asked. Did you know, George, that Governor Perry has provided in-state tuition for illegal immigrants?”

GC: “I didn’t know that, Senator. Why do you think he did that?”

Sen. Santorum: “Maybe that was an attempt to attract the illegal vote - I mean, the Latino voters?”

GC: “Excuse me, Senator? I guess the Senator had to rush off. Well, let’s see if we can find anyone else . . . ah, yes - Governor Perry! Do you have a moment, sir?”

Governor Perry: “Hello, George! How the hell are ya?”

GC: “Just fine, sir. Let me ask you, are you going to unveil any new plans for how you would run the country in tonight’s debate?”

Gov. Perry: “Yes, I am, George. So glad you asked. Of course, I can’t give anything away yet, but let’s just say that I am going to propose a three-part plan that is going to knock this country’s socks off! Yes sir, in an effort to save money and reduce federal spending, I am going to eliminate three very well known, federal departments. Did I say three? Yes, that’s right. Three. Or maybe just two. I would name them for you if I could think of them. Hopefully, I can bring them to mind before the debate starts.”

GC: “I see. Well, thank you sir. Hmmmm . . . oh, look, it’s Newt Gingrich. And who is that young woman with him? Must be his granddaughter. Oh, Mr. Speaker . . . do you have a moment?”

Newt: “Sure do, George. Good to see y’all.”

GC: “Good to see you, Mr. Speaker. May I ask, sir, what is that you have there?”

Newt: “These three luggage bags and the four duffle bags? I like to call all of these my baggage, George. I carry it with me everywhere I go. Pretty spiffy, huh?”

GC: “Yes, it is, sir. And you certainly appear to have a lot of it. Will you be carrying it with you into the 2012 campaign?”

Newt: “Sure will, George. Don’t have much choice, if you know what I mean. (chuckling) Here you go, Valerie. Why don’t you run over to Nordstrom’s and get yourself a little something nice to wear at beddy-time while I run through this debate.”

GC: “Who is that, sir?”

Newt: (winking) “My personal secretary, George. Goes with me everywhere. Isn’t she a doll?”

GC: “Hmmmmm . . . yes, sir. Well good luck tonight. We have time for one more interview and . . . yes . . . Ms. Bachman! Do you have a second or two to share with my listeners?”

Michelle: “Of course, George. So nice to see you tonight.”

GC: “Well, it’s nice to see you too. Tell me, Ms. Bachman, how would you classify yourself in this race?”

Michelle: “Well, George, I am a candidate with spirit - the spirit that has made this country great. Did you know I am from Waterloo, Iowa. A great little town in the Center of this Great Country! Did you know that JOHN WAYNE was from Waterloo also? That’s the kind of spirit I have too - just like him!”

GC: “Um . . . I don’t think John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa, Ms. Bachman. John Wayne GACY was from Waterloo, Iowa. You were aware of that, right? John Wayne Gacy, the serial killer?”

Michelle: “Oh, excuse me, George, I have to run. They are doing a Sarah Palin look-alike contest over there and I wanted to get into it before the debate actually begins. Ta, ta for now!”

GC: Well, that’s about all the time we have for tonight. Sorry I couldn’t interview Ron Paul but, then, no one interviews Ron Paul. Until next time, this is George Costanza signing off from the Republican debate in Atlanta, Georgia. Good night everybody.

And to think you actually spent time on this fucking shit.

 

[George Costanza]

Belongs in romper room.. not politics forum

It's a political satire, DD. It couldn't fit in any better place than in politics, imho. Just because people who read it do not wish to punch somebody's lights out with brass knuckles does not mean it does not have a place in the political world.
Au contraire, mon amie, the world of politics in America is hurting for a calming political influence, and Mr. Costanza's merry-hearted voice, measured as neutrally as it can be, is acceptable political discourse, no, desperately needed political discourse in this divided nation.

What a gift in the spirit of the season. Just sayin'

It is a farce... from a troll.. with no basis in real politics or truth or anything else... it is romper room material

No basis in truth? In point of fact, everything attributed to Santorum, Perry and Bachman was actually said by all three of them. And if you think Gingrich does not have extra-marital affair baggage, you haven't been paying attention.

Want some fries with that crow?

 

[George Costanza]

And to think you actually spent time on this fucking shit.

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.

Merry Christmas!

 

[konradv]

Perfect commentary from a professional HYPOCRITE.

So when are we going to get your take on giants of integrity and morality like Bill Clinton and John Edwards and Barney Frank and Christopher Dodd and Al Gore and the Kennedy clan (pick any one of them)............well, the list is endless.

You only named Dems and have the nerve to call someone else a hypocrite. Physician heal thyself!

 

[Avatar4321]

And they say cons have no sense of humor. Where did that EVER come from?

They only people who say that are those aren't funny but too arrogant to realize it.

 

[PredFan]

It just wasn't funny. All of it was just rehashed from already hackneyed issues. it was old hat, predictable, and un-original.

 

[sgeppy118]

It just wasn't funny. All of it was just rehashed from already hackneyed issues. it was old hat, predictable, and un-original.

The idea that you are bored to the point of apathy from the ridiculous truths about the candidates only supports the joke. You do realize that right?

 

[PredFan]

It just wasn't funny. All of it was just rehashed from already hackneyed issues. it was old hat, predictable, and un-original.

The idea that you are bored to the point of apathy from the ridiculous truths about the candidates only supports the joke. You do realize that right?

Really? I was explaining why it wasn't funny. You do realize that we're discussing the OP right?