Funnies

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Sandy73, Oct 4, 2004.

  1. Sandy73
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    Sandy73 Guest

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    CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't
    > > > let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
    > > > appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs
    > > > to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a
    > > > diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You
    > > > must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into
    > > > a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed
    > > > hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00
    > > > a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
    > > > "Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was
    > > > supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
    > > > " I met a prince, Fairy Godmother.
    > > > He took care of everything."
    > > > The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power!
    > > > Tell me his name!"
    > > > Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, .
    > > > Peter, Peter, something or other..."
    > > > ___________________________________________
    > > >
    > > > PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
    > > > splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to
    > > > visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a
    > > > little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away
    > > > enlightened. A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing
    > > > happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio
    > > > replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
    > > > _____________________________________________
    > > >
    > > > LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the
    > > > Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her
    > > > throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that,
    > > > Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and
    > > > pulled out a ..44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're
    > > > not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
    > > > ____________________________________________
    > > >
    > > > MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said
    > > > to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I
    > > > didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f-----g Goofy."
    > > > ___________________________________________
    > > > SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
    > > > behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face
    > > > crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
    > > > ___________________________________________
    > > >
    > > > Did you know...Captain Hook died from jock itch.
    > > > ____________________________________________
    > > >
    > > > One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him
    > > > and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged
    > > > to have sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex
    > > > was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."
    > > > Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you
    > > > how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground
    > > > and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."
    > > > Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty
    > > > kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp,
    > > > "What the hell did you do that for?"
    > > > "Just checking for bees," said Tarzan.
    >
    >
     
  2. Jmarie
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    Jmarie Member

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    :teeth: You know now I won't be able to look at them at work again in the same light..LOL
     

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