- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
- 250
- 85
This is a media-circus parody/omen inspired by The Player, Pleasantville, Celebrity, and American Psycho.
Signing off,
====
"Americans were fascinated by social networking and etiquette and Hollywood celebrity 'cliques' symbolized Americans' general interest in customs-based social networking. After all, it was America that saw the burgeoning of the iconic social networking website Facebook and it was America that saw the burgeoning of friendship-themed TV programs such as Friends, The Get-along Gang, Melrose Place, and Cheers. Yep, Americans (civilians, celebrities, cartoonists, chefs, congressmen, you name it) loved the network drama!"
"Americans also value education, so networks in and by schools/universities are important to American culture/society. Alumni groups, Boy Scouts, boys-and-girls' clubs, book-reading clubs, and of course the iconic YMCA all symbolize America's interest in edification-based networking activities, which is why Americans (arguably) love the educational program Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego(?). Since entertainment is as stimulating as education, movie-stars often portrayed characters involved in networks (e.g., Two for the Money), friendship (e.g., Circle of Friends), and school clubs (e.g., Dead Poets Society). Celebrities were role models who reminded the public of the value of networks/friendship in a modern world gauged by commerce and trade (i.e., Wall Street)!"
"An anthropologist might ask, 'Why do Americans love horror-films?' Oh yes, Americans can't get enough of horror-cinema. Americans arguably make the best horror-films in the world and the 'Big 4' (monsters/psychos) in horror-cinema are all American...Freddy Krueger, Jason, Michael Myers, and Leatherface. Leatherface is the iconic fictional chainsaw-wielding cannibal from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre horror-film series/franchise. When an American movie star such as Matthew McConaughey decides to make a horror-film such as Texas Chainsaw III: Leatherface, people take notice of how virtually every American appreciates the network-relevant paranoia folklore involving 'monsters' preying on society's sensibilities regarding 'secured fan-clubs'."
"A hotshot rookie FBI agent named Ajay had the theory that Matthew McConaughey was using the celebrity/cinema stage to plan elaborate and evil murders while covering/hiding as a Hollywood movie-star. Ajay realized his theory had credence, after McConaughey made Texas Chainsaw III with fellow Hollywood thespian/actress Renee Zellweger. Ajay believed McConaughey associated with a 'ring' of individuals involved in the media/celebrity circle (which reached various nightclubs as well!) while doubling as a troop of 'villainous murderers' (stalking random passerby/patrons/consumers). Ajay started tracking McConaughey and discovered that the actor had ties to Steve Rubell (owner of the hip NYC nightclub Studio 54)."
"Ajay hypothesized there was an entire underground 'crime network' of celebrities who doubled as murdering psychos while using their celebrity-status/stage as a convenient veil, enabling them to use crime to 'critique' consumerism culture (which was now more or less global!). Ajay believed McConaughey himself was donning the identity of Leatherface and was responsible for the disappearance of a post-hippie woman named Licorice McKechnie (part of the Woodstock generation/circus) in 1990. What an odd world! Ajay wondered if McConaughey suffered from some kind of mental defect or handicap, making him an otherwise motivational candidate for a boys/girls club or YMCA (had he considered such a boon before turning to a life of devious crime!)."
"After Ajay presented his theory to the press, McConaughey was furious and decided to bring his new girlfriend and soul-mate Camila Alves to a movie premiere and assured everyone that he was not Leatherface and that Camila was not in any way his 'crime-muse' (like a Harley Quinn or Bloody Mama or Bonnie Parker or Wicked-Witch or something). Ajay retorted, 'McConaughey and others can not use the 'veil' of media/celebrity to hide their unusual/bizarre activities. The people have a right to know...I do believe Alves is part of some grand underworld criminal conspiracy involving multiple celebrities, which is why I seek the support of the general American public'."
"Ajay was right. Alves believed she was Harley Quinn. McConaughey really did think he was Leatherface himself(!). McConaughey had ties to various celebrities (such as Steve Rubell) who doubled as murdering criminals and were responsible for the disappearances/deaths of many individuals from the 1970s through the first decade of the new millennium. McConaughey called his evil media-syndicate 'The Family' (in reference to a Satanic-dominion or Helter-Skelter). Ajay reported his theories and the American public took notice, and various law-abiding celebrities concerned that some media-stars (such as McConaughey) might indeed don the role of 'movie-psychos' to exploit America's media veil decided to form a crime-patrol 'union.' They wanted to track McConaughey and his lovely girlfriend Alves (aka, 'Harley Quinn'). Would media prove to be helpful?"
"After much consideration, the celebrity-union formed to monitor these possible criminal activities included Tom Cruise, Kurt Russell, Matt Damon, Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron, Eva Mendes, Nicole Kidman, and Anne Hathaway. These celebrities called themselves 'G.I. Joes' and began working closely with FBI agent Ajay (who was now promoted to investigate this celebrity-circle crime-conspiracy in Los Angeles, New York, and Chicago). Ajay called it the great 'civil schoolyard crusade' which would remind America of its spiritual love of networking and friendship based imaginariums such as the YMCA and the Boy Scouts."
"Artists got involved too and began to create paintings/portrayals of Jesus Christ as various movie characters/idols such as Peter Pan, the Terminator, and Roy Rogers. These artists echoed Ajay's idealistic sentiment that America's fascination with networking and clubs should catalyse the formation of patriotism-themed groups, not underworld crime syndicates(!). Film-makers began making ostracism-psychology films such as Kick-Ass, The Dark Knight, and Money Monster. Everyone was suddenly fascinated by the 'concept' of celebrity."
"Ajay decided to organize the 'G.I. Joes' to track and pursue McConaughey and his criminal syndicate. Ajay had the G.I. Joes form teams, so they could divide tasks efficiently and then report their findings to the FBI as well as to the White House. After all, President Trump was a 'media diplomat.' Ajay and the G.I. Joes took shifts exploring areas where McConaughey and his goons might strike or work together. Ajay deduced one target would be Tijuana, where McConaughey could easily kidnap an illegal immigrant trying to cross the border. G.I. Joe member Matt Damon suggested that they pretend to be a film-crew while trying to apprehend McConaughey and 'catch him in-the-act.' It was a rather media-optimistic grand adventure!"
"Ajay was given a special commendation for his work with the G.I. Joes when it surfaced that there were indeed members of an underworld celebrity-crime syndicate; the members were arrested and questioned by Ajay. They refused to disclose whether or not McConaughey was the ring-leader, posing as the 'real-life Leatherface' but they oddly told Ajay, 'Your hunch about McConaughey's girlfriend Camila Alves just might be...imaginative.' Ajay realized this would be something of a 'clinical crusade' to celebrate the networking-values and friendship-creed of the American ethos. What no law-abiding American wanted was to discover that celebrity criminals were preying on innocent civilians/consumers."
"After about 3 years of detective-work with the G.I. Joes, Ajay managed to arrest McConaughey and his girlfriend Alves who were indeed posing as Leatherface and Harley Quinn. They were tied to various nightclubs and border-pubs near Mexico and were responsible for the disappearances/deaths of over 30 people! Their ties to 1970s celebrity-circle members such as Steve Rubell further led the FBI to the revelation that this celebrity-crime activity stretched back to the previous millennium. Yep, America's fascination with networking-oriented storytelling (e.g., Woody Allen's Celebrity) had led to a new breed of 'sociological thrills.' How would horror-filmmakers respond to this new Helter-Skelter?"
GOD: America is so unusual...
SATAN: There's plenty of drama (e.g., Los Angeles Race Riots of 1992)!
GOD: Ajay did great work for the FBI.
SATAN: He and the 'G.I. Joes' stopped the reign of McConaughey and company.
GOD: I can't believe Steve Rubell was involved too!
SATAN: You never can tell who will exploit their power in the age of media.
GOD: Celebrity is so...enticing.
SATAN: It's dangerous.
GOD: I bet a horror-filmmaker will adapt this into a clever new movie.
SATAN: Maybe they'll call it Public Police.
GOD: I think Michael Bay should direct such a film.
SATAN: Will someone 'copycat' McConaughey?
GOD: It seems like an endless cycle...
SATAN: Education is so vital to American civics.
GOD: America boasts the best colleges/universities in the world...
SATAN: Yes. Harvard, Caltech, Notre Dame, Duke (etc.) really stand out!
GOD: The Boy Scouts and the YMCA could have prevented the L.A. Race Riots of 1992.
SATAN: The government simply did not invest wisely...
GOD: It was an 'American tragedy.'
SATAN: Let's watch Hollywoodland on Netflix!
====
Signing off,
====
"Americans were fascinated by social networking and etiquette and Hollywood celebrity 'cliques' symbolized Americans' general interest in customs-based social networking. After all, it was America that saw the burgeoning of the iconic social networking website Facebook and it was America that saw the burgeoning of friendship-themed TV programs such as Friends, The Get-along Gang, Melrose Place, and Cheers. Yep, Americans (civilians, celebrities, cartoonists, chefs, congressmen, you name it) loved the network drama!"
"Americans also value education, so networks in and by schools/universities are important to American culture/society. Alumni groups, Boy Scouts, boys-and-girls' clubs, book-reading clubs, and of course the iconic YMCA all symbolize America's interest in edification-based networking activities, which is why Americans (arguably) love the educational program Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego(?). Since entertainment is as stimulating as education, movie-stars often portrayed characters involved in networks (e.g., Two for the Money), friendship (e.g., Circle of Friends), and school clubs (e.g., Dead Poets Society). Celebrities were role models who reminded the public of the value of networks/friendship in a modern world gauged by commerce and trade (i.e., Wall Street)!"
"An anthropologist might ask, 'Why do Americans love horror-films?' Oh yes, Americans can't get enough of horror-cinema. Americans arguably make the best horror-films in the world and the 'Big 4' (monsters/psychos) in horror-cinema are all American...Freddy Krueger, Jason, Michael Myers, and Leatherface. Leatherface is the iconic fictional chainsaw-wielding cannibal from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre horror-film series/franchise. When an American movie star such as Matthew McConaughey decides to make a horror-film such as Texas Chainsaw III: Leatherface, people take notice of how virtually every American appreciates the network-relevant paranoia folklore involving 'monsters' preying on society's sensibilities regarding 'secured fan-clubs'."
"A hotshot rookie FBI agent named Ajay had the theory that Matthew McConaughey was using the celebrity/cinema stage to plan elaborate and evil murders while covering/hiding as a Hollywood movie-star. Ajay realized his theory had credence, after McConaughey made Texas Chainsaw III with fellow Hollywood thespian/actress Renee Zellweger. Ajay believed McConaughey associated with a 'ring' of individuals involved in the media/celebrity circle (which reached various nightclubs as well!) while doubling as a troop of 'villainous murderers' (stalking random passerby/patrons/consumers). Ajay started tracking McConaughey and discovered that the actor had ties to Steve Rubell (owner of the hip NYC nightclub Studio 54)."
"Ajay hypothesized there was an entire underground 'crime network' of celebrities who doubled as murdering psychos while using their celebrity-status/stage as a convenient veil, enabling them to use crime to 'critique' consumerism culture (which was now more or less global!). Ajay believed McConaughey himself was donning the identity of Leatherface and was responsible for the disappearance of a post-hippie woman named Licorice McKechnie (part of the Woodstock generation/circus) in 1990. What an odd world! Ajay wondered if McConaughey suffered from some kind of mental defect or handicap, making him an otherwise motivational candidate for a boys/girls club or YMCA (had he considered such a boon before turning to a life of devious crime!)."
"After Ajay presented his theory to the press, McConaughey was furious and decided to bring his new girlfriend and soul-mate Camila Alves to a movie premiere and assured everyone that he was not Leatherface and that Camila was not in any way his 'crime-muse' (like a Harley Quinn or Bloody Mama or Bonnie Parker or Wicked-Witch or something). Ajay retorted, 'McConaughey and others can not use the 'veil' of media/celebrity to hide their unusual/bizarre activities. The people have a right to know...I do believe Alves is part of some grand underworld criminal conspiracy involving multiple celebrities, which is why I seek the support of the general American public'."
"Ajay was right. Alves believed she was Harley Quinn. McConaughey really did think he was Leatherface himself(!). McConaughey had ties to various celebrities (such as Steve Rubell) who doubled as murdering criminals and were responsible for the disappearances/deaths of many individuals from the 1970s through the first decade of the new millennium. McConaughey called his evil media-syndicate 'The Family' (in reference to a Satanic-dominion or Helter-Skelter). Ajay reported his theories and the American public took notice, and various law-abiding celebrities concerned that some media-stars (such as McConaughey) might indeed don the role of 'movie-psychos' to exploit America's media veil decided to form a crime-patrol 'union.' They wanted to track McConaughey and his lovely girlfriend Alves (aka, 'Harley Quinn'). Would media prove to be helpful?"
"After much consideration, the celebrity-union formed to monitor these possible criminal activities included Tom Cruise, Kurt Russell, Matt Damon, Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron, Eva Mendes, Nicole Kidman, and Anne Hathaway. These celebrities called themselves 'G.I. Joes' and began working closely with FBI agent Ajay (who was now promoted to investigate this celebrity-circle crime-conspiracy in Los Angeles, New York, and Chicago). Ajay called it the great 'civil schoolyard crusade' which would remind America of its spiritual love of networking and friendship based imaginariums such as the YMCA and the Boy Scouts."
"Artists got involved too and began to create paintings/portrayals of Jesus Christ as various movie characters/idols such as Peter Pan, the Terminator, and Roy Rogers. These artists echoed Ajay's idealistic sentiment that America's fascination with networking and clubs should catalyse the formation of patriotism-themed groups, not underworld crime syndicates(!). Film-makers began making ostracism-psychology films such as Kick-Ass, The Dark Knight, and Money Monster. Everyone was suddenly fascinated by the 'concept' of celebrity."
"Ajay decided to organize the 'G.I. Joes' to track and pursue McConaughey and his criminal syndicate. Ajay had the G.I. Joes form teams, so they could divide tasks efficiently and then report their findings to the FBI as well as to the White House. After all, President Trump was a 'media diplomat.' Ajay and the G.I. Joes took shifts exploring areas where McConaughey and his goons might strike or work together. Ajay deduced one target would be Tijuana, where McConaughey could easily kidnap an illegal immigrant trying to cross the border. G.I. Joe member Matt Damon suggested that they pretend to be a film-crew while trying to apprehend McConaughey and 'catch him in-the-act.' It was a rather media-optimistic grand adventure!"
"Ajay was given a special commendation for his work with the G.I. Joes when it surfaced that there were indeed members of an underworld celebrity-crime syndicate; the members were arrested and questioned by Ajay. They refused to disclose whether or not McConaughey was the ring-leader, posing as the 'real-life Leatherface' but they oddly told Ajay, 'Your hunch about McConaughey's girlfriend Camila Alves just might be...imaginative.' Ajay realized this would be something of a 'clinical crusade' to celebrate the networking-values and friendship-creed of the American ethos. What no law-abiding American wanted was to discover that celebrity criminals were preying on innocent civilians/consumers."
"After about 3 years of detective-work with the G.I. Joes, Ajay managed to arrest McConaughey and his girlfriend Alves who were indeed posing as Leatherface and Harley Quinn. They were tied to various nightclubs and border-pubs near Mexico and were responsible for the disappearances/deaths of over 30 people! Their ties to 1970s celebrity-circle members such as Steve Rubell further led the FBI to the revelation that this celebrity-crime activity stretched back to the previous millennium. Yep, America's fascination with networking-oriented storytelling (e.g., Woody Allen's Celebrity) had led to a new breed of 'sociological thrills.' How would horror-filmmakers respond to this new Helter-Skelter?"
GOD: America is so unusual...
SATAN: There's plenty of drama (e.g., Los Angeles Race Riots of 1992)!
GOD: Ajay did great work for the FBI.
SATAN: He and the 'G.I. Joes' stopped the reign of McConaughey and company.
GOD: I can't believe Steve Rubell was involved too!
SATAN: You never can tell who will exploit their power in the age of media.
GOD: Celebrity is so...enticing.
SATAN: It's dangerous.
GOD: I bet a horror-filmmaker will adapt this into a clever new movie.
SATAN: Maybe they'll call it Public Police.
GOD: I think Michael Bay should direct such a film.
SATAN: Will someone 'copycat' McConaughey?
GOD: It seems like an endless cycle...
SATAN: Education is so vital to American civics.
GOD: America boasts the best colleges/universities in the world...
SATAN: Yes. Harvard, Caltech, Notre Dame, Duke (etc.) really stand out!
GOD: The Boy Scouts and the YMCA could have prevented the L.A. Race Riots of 1992.
SATAN: The government simply did not invest wisely...
GOD: It was an 'American tragedy.'
SATAN: Let's watch Hollywoodland on Netflix!
====
