French Joke Collection

Discussion in 'Europe' started by rjw8652, Jul 6, 2004.

  1. rjw8652
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    rjw8652 Guest

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    It would be nice to post our favourite jokes of those fromage eating surrender monkeys, so I kicked off with the one below:

    An Englishman, an American and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

    However, many months later, and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the benevolent Sheik decided they could be released after each receiving just 20 lashes of the whip.

    As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

    The Englishman was first in line. He thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."

    This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done, he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

    The Frenchman was next up. After watching the Engishman in horror, he said not a little smugly: "Please fix deux pillows to my back."

    But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

    The American was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said: "You, sir, are from a most beautiful part of the world and your people are the kindest and most generous in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

    "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The American replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

    "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave". The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.

    "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheik asked.

    "Tie the Frenchman to my back."


    John
     
  2. rjw8652
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    rjw8652 Guest

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    And another:

    George Bush, Jaques Chirac and Tony Blair all go hunting. At the end of the night, they are cleaning their game and having a drink when Tony Blair stands up, throws a bottle of whisky in the air and yells "For Queen and country". He then pulls out a pistol and shoots the bottle out of the air.

    Impressed, Jacques Chirac then stands and throws a bottle of champagne in the air, screaming, "Viva la France". He, too, pulls his pistol and shoots the bottle.

    George Bush, not to be out done, throws a can of Budweiser beer in the air and pulls out his pistol. He shoots Chirac and yells "Folks, it don't get any better than this".
     
  3. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?

    Who can tell? Their hands are all already up there.
     
  4. English Guy
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    heard the one about the new French Rapid Reaction Force?

    . . . . they've got the time it takes them to surrender down to a matter of MINUTES!!!
     
  5. KarlMarx
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    KarlMarx Senior Member

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    For sale: French Army Rifle. Only dropped once.
     

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