Forrest gump goes to heaven

[Philobeado]

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to
pass it before you can get into Heaven.'

Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam.. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'

St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:
What is God's first name?'

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.'

Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'

The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.

'How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'

Astounded, St.. Peter said, 'Twelve?
Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'

Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve:January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '

'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter.
'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'?

'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.'

'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.

'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'

'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learn't it from the song,
ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'

Lord, Give me a sense of humor
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
AMEN!!!"

 

[Midnight Marauder]

Three nuns die in a horrible and tragic bus crash. They meet St. Pete at the pearly gates.

St. Pete: Welcome sisters. Though you are all shoo-ins, we do require the answering of one basic question each, before we can swing the gates open for you. Are you ready?

The nuns floop agreement.

St. Pete: Nun number one, who was the first man, on the earth?

Nun #1: Umm, Adam?

With trumpets and a flourish, the gates fling open, and she files through.

St. Pete: Nun number two, who was the first woman, on the earth?

Nun #2: Ahh..... EVE!

With trumpets and a flourish, the gates fling open, and she files through.

St. Pete: Nun number three... What was the very first thing Eve ever said to Adam in the garden of Eden?

Nun #3 figets, shifts around, thinking.... scratching her head

Nun #3: Umm.... Adam? ...That's HARD!


With trumpets and a flourish, the gates fling open, and she files through.

 

[waltky]

The 'Real' Forrest Gump...

The 'Real' Forrest Gump: Sammy L. Davis
Sammy Davis took some ribbing in the Army because he shared a name with the famous entertainer. Much later, long after his military days were over, he would again gain acclaim among his old comrades, this time as the "real" Forrest Gump.

Davis enlisted in the Army directly out of high school in 1965. Volunteering for the artillery because his father had been an artilleryman in World War II, he was assigned to the 4th Artillery. Soon after completing training, he asked to be sent to Vietnam. Early on November 18, 1967, his unit of 11 guns and 42 men was helicoptered into an area west of Cai Lay to set up a forward fire-support base -- Firebase Cudgel -- for American infantrymen operating in the area. Shortly after midnight the next morning, Private First Class Davis's Battery C came under heavy mortar attack. Almost simultaneously, an estimated fifteen hundred Vietcong soldiers launched an intense ground assault, failing to overrun the Americans only because a river separated the two forces. Davis's squad was operating a 105 mm howitzer that fired eighteen thousand beehive darts in each shell.

Sammy L. Davis receives the Medal of Honor from President Lyndon B. Johnson.​

When he saw how close the enemy had come, Davis took over a machine gun and provided covering fire for his gun crew. But an enemy recoilless rifle round scored a direct hit on the howitzer, knocking the crew from the weapon and blowing Davis sideways into a foxhole. Convinced that the heavily outnumbered Americans couldn't survive the attack, he decided to fire off at least one round from the damaged artillery piece before being overrun. He struggled to his feet, rammed a shell into the gun, and fired point-blank at the Vietcong who were advancing five deep directly in front of the weapon; the beehive round cut them down. An enemy mortar round exploded nearby, knocking Davis to the ground, but he got up and kept firing the howitzer. When there were no more rounds left, he fired a white phosphorus shell, and then the last round he had -- a "propaganda shell" filled with leaflets.

At this point, he heard yelling from the other side of the river and realized that GIs had been cut off there. Despite the fact that he didn't know how to swim, he got in the water and paddled across on an air mattress from the American camp; other GIs followed him. Scrambling up the bank, he found three wounded soldiers, one of them suffering from a head wound that looked fatal. He gave them all morphine and provided covering fire as another GI helped the most gravely wounded soldier across the river, then pulled the other two through the water on the air mattress to the fire base. He eventually made his way to an American howitzer crew and resumed the fight. Sometime before dawn, he was seriously wounded in the back and buttocks by friendly fire.

Sammy L. Davis, Private First Class, U.S. Army Battery C, 2nd Battalion, 4th Artillery, 9th Infantry Division​

While he was in the hospital, Davis heard that he was to be sent home. He petitioned General William Westmoreland to be allowed to stay with his unit. Permission was granted, although Davis was still so hobbled by his wounds that he was taken off the line and made a cook. On November 19, 1968, exactly one year and one day after the nightlong firefight at Cai Lay, Davis received the Medal of Honor from President Lyndon Johnson. Years later, footage of LBJ putting the medal around Davis's neck appeared in the movie Forrest Gump (with Tom Hanks's head substituted for Davis's), and Gump's fictional Medal of Honor citation was loosely based on Davis's real one.

This is the story behind the 'real' Forest Gump