For Women Only

[Phoenix]

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the
washing machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' DALLAS COWBOYS'!

And they say blondes are dumb....

 

[Phoenix]

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world..'


The woman replies, 'I'll miss you........

 

[Phoenix]

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

 

[Phoenix]

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

 

[Phoenix]

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

 

[Phoenix]

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

 

[Phoenix]

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy..

 

[Phoenix]

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

 

[Phoenix]

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end to wipe...

 

[Phoenix]

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'

 

[PoliticalChic]

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the
washing machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' DALLAS COWBOYS'!

And they say blondes are dumb....

1. A man was strolling along the beach one day when he spied an old fashioned oil lamp laying in the sand.

He picked it up and, as he began to brush the sand and dirt off the lamp, a Genie suddenly appeared. As the man stood there, surprised and speachless, the Genie held up his hand and said "Before we start, here are some ground rules. First, I am not very good with this Genie business, so with me you only get one wish, not the usual three. Second, because I am not very good at this, there are no guarantees, so be careful what you wish for."
After thinking for a few moments the man said, "well, I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but I am afraid of traveling on either ships or airplanes, so could you build a highway to Hawaii so that I can drive?" To which the Genie replied, "What? I just told you to keep it simple as I am not very good at this."

So the man thought again and replied, "well, my wife keeps saying that I don't understand her. So, could you give me the power to understand women?"

"Did you want that to be a two or a four lane highway?" replied the Genie.

2. Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

 

[Phoenix]

One afternoon a professor of mathematics sent an e-mail to his wife that said, "Overall, I am happy with you as a wife, but as a man I have certain needs, and given that you are 54 years old now, you are no longer able to satisfy those needs. Subsequently, I will be spending the evening at a hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I hope you will understand. I still love you, and I will be home by midnight."
In response his wife sent him an e-mail that said, "I received your e-mail and I understand. I too will be at a hotel with our 18-year-old pool boy. And being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you will surely realize that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18, so please don't bother to wait up."

 

[Sherry]

 

[Lumpy 1]

I snuck in ... te he...

You Gals are too funny...

 

[theliq]

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world..'


The woman replies, 'I'll miss you........

ALL amusing Phoe,very amusing.........Like the two Guy drinking and talking in the bar.
One says to the other"DO YOU SPEAK TO YOUR WIFE WHILST MAKING LOVE"

The reply came back "NOT USUALLY,NOT UNLESS THERE'S A PHONE HANDY"

Yeah a bit crass I know but bloody funny when you've had a few drinks.

theliq