For Dads with Daughters

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Mr. P, Aug 10, 2004.

  1. Mr. P
    Offline

    Mr. P Senior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2004
    Messages:
    11,329
    Thanks Received:
    618
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    South of the Mason Dixon
    Ratings:
    +618
    I would have put this in Humor but
    there is nothing funny about our Daughters Dating...Right Guys?

    I'm slap into this process of my daughter dating but don't find it humorous at all!
    These rules make me feel better, especially when I hand a copy to the young Stud!



    The 10 Rules For Dating My Daughter...

    RULE 1
    If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking up anything.

    RULE 2
    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I WILL remove them.

    RULE 3
    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off in the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

    RULE 4
    I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without utilizing a "Barrier Method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.

    RULE 5
    It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."

    RULE 6
    I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I WILL make you cry.

    RULE 7
    As you stand in my front hallway waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there why don't you do something useful like changing the oil in my car?

    RULE 8
    The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
    Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff t-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose-down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    RULE 9
    Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind my house. Do not trifle with me.

    RULE 10
    Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announcing in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
     
  2. UsaPride
    Offline

    UsaPride Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2004
    Messages:
    3,939
    Thanks Received:
    198
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    NC
    Ratings:
    +198
    I love this! :clap:
    I seen it awhile back and printed it up for my stepdad who has 3 teenage daughters. He already gave a few of these rules to the oldest girls boyfriend, when he seen this, he gave the boy the rest of the rules, LOL!!! :dev1:
     
  3. DKSuddeth
    Offline

    DKSuddeth Senior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2003
    Messages:
    5,175
    Thanks Received:
    61
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    North Texas
    Ratings:
    +62
    I prefer being in the living room cleaning my gun when my daughter decides to invite a boy over. :2guns:
     
  4. 5stringJeff
    Offline

    5stringJeff Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2003
    Messages:
    9,990
    Thanks Received:
    536
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Puyallup, WA
    Ratings:
    +540
    My little girl is going to be 11 in a few months... thank God she is not interested in boys yet, but I'm sure that will change pretty soon!
     
  5. Mr. P
    Offline

    Mr. P Senior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2004
    Messages:
    11,329
    Thanks Received:
    618
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    South of the Mason Dixon
    Ratings:
    +618
    Any day now...Bud... :D
     
  6. Joz
    Offline

    Joz Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2004
    Messages:
    3,392
    Thanks Received:
    221
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +221
    What's the matter with you fellows? Remember, you dated 'daughters'. Or is that the problem? :D
     
  7. DKSuddeth
    Offline

    DKSuddeth Senior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2003
    Messages:
    5,175
    Thanks Received:
    61
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    North Texas
    Ratings:
    +62
    and watching that daughters father clean his gun as he instructed me on the finer points of having his daughter home on time made one hell of an impression.
     
  8. Sandy73
    Offline

    Sandy73 Guest

    Ratings:
    +0
    This is why I thank GOD I didn't have daughters ! :bow3:

    I remember what I put my parents through ! :dev1:
     
  9. Joz
    Offline

    Joz Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2004
    Messages:
    3,392
    Thanks Received:
    221
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +221
    :rotflmao:

    I'm sorry I find this amusing. But then, I've never been a young man!
     
  10. Joz
    Offline

    Joz Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2004
    Messages:
    3,392
    Thanks Received:
    221
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +221

    I felt the same way about my boys. They had rules. They also knew they'd BETTER NOT disrespect/ hurt any girl or they'd have ME to deal with.
     

Share This Page