Favorite story from any holiday

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by JOKER96BRAVO, Dec 13, 2005.

  1. JOKER96BRAVO
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    JOKER96BRAVO Senior Member

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    Here's mine.

    Just married and me and the wife had a cozy little apartment in the
    "fancy" part of town (known as Cherry creek for the locals).
    My wife wanted to keep her job for a while so I was commuting everyday to
    Ft Carson, 68 miles one way. Rush hour(s) on I25, not to mention around the
    holiday season, was always a bitch. I could leave work at 4 or 6pm and get
    home at the same time everyday. Anyway, I was tired from working guard
    duty on Christmas Eve The First SGT set us up in shifts so we were not on
    duty all day for the holidays. During my shift, I got bored and decided to walk
    around the building and “inspect the perimeter”. I wouldn’t discover until
    MUCH later that I my keys had fallen out of my pocket while engaged in some
    serious “snow warfare” with some guys who lived in the barracks. After my
    shift I spent a few hours looking for my keys, then decided to go home.

    I arrived home 2 hours later, and it was now dark. My wife was still at work,
    so I thought I would shed my BDUs and catch a nap before she got home.
    I tried to unlock the door to find that the bolt was latched on the inside,
    and OBTW there is no key hole to unlock this bolt. So I get to thinking
    "how the hell did my wife leave this bolt locked??? It can only be locked
    from the inside and she's not home." I gave her a call, and she explained that
    she couldn't find her house keys so she went out the sliding glass door and
    used a coat hanger to pull the security bar down on the sliding glass door
    (which also locks it from the inside). Still tired and furious I searched my car
    for a hanger or something I could use to push the security bar up.

    As I opened the door just barely, (took me 2 minutes max)
    I squeezed in and began to remove my uniform. Headed to the washroom to
    clean up and noticed that the house was in shambles. Our new puppy had
    escaped from his pen and got into the trash. So I get to the bathroom,
    remove my undershirt and start to wash up. Suddenly, I hear the unmistaken
    sound of a helicopter overhead. Curious, I ran to the window thinking “that’s
    really close for a neighborhood like this.” I was soon spotlighted
    peeking out the curtains with no shirt and that deer in the headlights look on
    my face. My attention was soon diverted to Denver’s finest busting in my
    door, flashlights in my face and that oh so familiar tone of authority
    screaming “on the floor now!!!”. I don’t know if it was because of shock or
    the knee in my back but I couldn’t speak.

    I FINALLY convinced the cops to unhand me so I could retrieve a piece of
    mail along with my ID to prove that I actually lived there. It was explained to
    me that some people on the tennis court saw a man in camouflage
    attempting to enter an apartment through the sliding glass door. That was by
    far the fastest response I’ve ever seen from the police. I was parked, out of
    my car, and in my house in only 4 minutes. The police apologized for busting
    the door in and letting the puppy out in the process. I was actually impressed
    on how fast they got there so we never inquired about legal action, that and
    they paid for the door.
     
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  2. Said1
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    Said1 VIP Member

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    Classic. I won't even try to top it. :laugh:
     
  3. JOKER96BRAVO
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    JOKER96BRAVO Senior Member

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    ahhh c'mon.
    I wanna hear some juicy stuff here.

    Did I mention that one of the cops stepped in puppy poo,
    and got it all over the off white carpet?
     
  4. Said1
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    Said1 VIP Member

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    No, but I'll assume you cleaned it up though?

    I can't think of any holiday fiascos, except one. One year, I asked my ex-husband if he wanted me to pick up gifts for his family, being that it was gettting close to the big day. He told me not to worry about it, so I didn't - figured he's giving cash as per his usual. So, Christmas day rolls around, we're at his brother's house and he asks me if I brought the gifts in from the car when I was helping his mother unload the trunk (nice eh, notice how I'm helping the old bat unload the trunk?). Uhhh, retard, I didn't get any, remember? Anyway, his neice, nephew and sister-in-law still got $40 each, but he had to borrow it off his brother and mother.

    Oh yeah, his mother had a mild heart attack that same day too.
     
  5. JOKER96BRAVO
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    JOKER96BRAVO Senior Member

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    Damn,
    Sorry to hear that.
     
  6. Said1
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    Said1 VIP Member

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    She lived. Now she can cry about her heart when I get mad after she picks a fight with me. For her, it was a "win-win" situation.
     
  7. JOKER96BRAVO
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    JOKER96BRAVO Senior Member

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    Tis the season people...
    let's hear more stories.
     
  8. fuzzykitten99
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    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

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    Ok, 2 years ago, Tim, Nathan, and I went with our friends Nate, Michelle, and their son Caleb, who was at that time, 3, to the Mall of America to go do some Christmas shopping. We go there during the holidays more than the local malls because it just seems more fun. Plus we reward the kids with camp snoopy rides if they behave during shopping.

    Anyway, Nate is a funny guy, and during the holidays, he likes to sing a line or two, randomly, of many different Christmas songs. At the time, he was trying to teach Caleb to sing "I'm Gettin' Nothin' for Christmas" because it is a kids' song, its cute, etc.

    So we get into the mall, and anyone who has been there at anytime of the year, has heard how the main entrances echo. Well, we get inside, and Nate starts sing part of the song he's teaching Caleb. He gets to the line "Somebody snitched on me", and Caleb tried to repeat it, but, um, by accident he didn't say snitched. He sang out, somewhat loudly, "Somebody S*** on me!". It echoed all the way out into the main hallway. Tim, Nate, and I were damn near on the floor, laughing so hard. Michelle was mortified, all red faced, because people had heard and looked around, kinda laughing. She tried to explain to some of the people what he TRIED to sing, etc., but I am not sure they fully believed it. Every once in a while, we still sing that one modified verse to Michelle, just to give her crap.
     
  9. JOKER96BRAVO
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    JOKER96BRAVO Senior Member

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    classic
     

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