Impenitent
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- Oct 5, 2013
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Excerpt from my Science Fiction Cartoon Romance Novel
They came again, as they had always come before -- the incessant invaders, the surreptitious supplanters, the alluring aliens. They assailed the Earth for all the usual reasons. Their environment was polluted and their planet was dying. There was another reason -- sex tourism! Across the galaxy, it was universal knowledge that Earth girls were easy.
The invasion began over 30,000 years ago. Cave drawings chronicled the arrival of alien men. On their own distant planet, males mated only once for procreation purposes, before the females consumed them. On Earth, these virgin space travelers frolicked with uninhibited and uncannibalistic women! They found these pink-skinned, barrel-chested Neanderthals quickly stripped of their defenses by whispering sweet nothings, easily satisfied with spooning or cuddling afterwards.
After thousands of alien encounters of the most intimate kind, a new breed emerged -- Republicans! They quickly spread from Austria to Alaska, easily identified by trickle-down economics, and general disregard for environmental concerns.
There arose, then fell, the once dominant Arnold Terminatus Rex, his leadership weakened by uncontrollable desires.
Like others before him, deeply enamored with Earth women, Arnold elected to live among humans. Life proceeded well, until time and gravitational pull eventually took their toll.
The aging former Mr. Universe was no longer pursued by women, and hadn't learned how to pursue them. His old movie lines didn't work in real life. "Your clothes, give them to me now!" was considered harassment, running off every target of his affections.
Puzzled, he turned to his maid Rosie, seeking her advice. The only problem for the unobservant Arnold was that Rosie was an XB-500 robot!
"I thought you knew!" said Rosie, surprised. "When we met on the Jetsons movie set, why did you think I was there?"
Arnold struggled to understand. "You seemed more aloof than other women, but I thought it was the language barrier, with my High German, and your Low Spanglish!"
"There's another reason you're running off women," Rosie scolded him, shaking her duster in his face. "You sound so bigoted!"
Arnold retorted, "I'm an immigrant myself! I've made four movies in Mexico!"
Rosie went back to her dusting. "And you're sexist. All men are! Expecting women to clean up after your messes. Even designing robots to do your dirty work for you! Filthy brutes!"
Arnold was enlightened. "I'm beginning to see the only difference between romance here, and across the universe, is the age of a man before a woman bites his head off!"
"Hypocrite!" Rosie slapped him with her duster. "You prefer women saucy and bossy, taking nice women and robots like me for granted."
Rosie chased Arnold around the room, pressuring him, "Admit it! You like aggressive females, don't you?"
"If you admit first," answered Arnold, "You secretly love a man who tells you what to do!"
Their eyes locked, for a second, before Rosie broke the trance. "Sexist pig!"
"I love it when you talk dirty!" said Arnold playfully, as Rosie slapped him again.
Having cornered his prey, Arnold moved in for the kill.
They came again, as they had always come before -- the incessant invaders, the surreptitious supplanters, the alluring aliens. They assailed the Earth for all the usual reasons. Their environment was polluted and their planet was dying. There was another reason -- sex tourism! Across the galaxy, it was universal knowledge that Earth girls were easy.
The invasion began over 30,000 years ago. Cave drawings chronicled the arrival of alien men. On their own distant planet, males mated only once for procreation purposes, before the females consumed them. On Earth, these virgin space travelers frolicked with uninhibited and uncannibalistic women! They found these pink-skinned, barrel-chested Neanderthals quickly stripped of their defenses by whispering sweet nothings, easily satisfied with spooning or cuddling afterwards.
After thousands of alien encounters of the most intimate kind, a new breed emerged -- Republicans! They quickly spread from Austria to Alaska, easily identified by trickle-down economics, and general disregard for environmental concerns.
There arose, then fell, the once dominant Arnold Terminatus Rex, his leadership weakened by uncontrollable desires.
Like others before him, deeply enamored with Earth women, Arnold elected to live among humans. Life proceeded well, until time and gravitational pull eventually took their toll.
The aging former Mr. Universe was no longer pursued by women, and hadn't learned how to pursue them. His old movie lines didn't work in real life. "Your clothes, give them to me now!" was considered harassment, running off every target of his affections.
Puzzled, he turned to his maid Rosie, seeking her advice. The only problem for the unobservant Arnold was that Rosie was an XB-500 robot!
"I thought you knew!" said Rosie, surprised. "When we met on the Jetsons movie set, why did you think I was there?"
Arnold struggled to understand. "You seemed more aloof than other women, but I thought it was the language barrier, with my High German, and your Low Spanglish!"
"There's another reason you're running off women," Rosie scolded him, shaking her duster in his face. "You sound so bigoted!"
Arnold retorted, "I'm an immigrant myself! I've made four movies in Mexico!"
Rosie went back to her dusting. "And you're sexist. All men are! Expecting women to clean up after your messes. Even designing robots to do your dirty work for you! Filthy brutes!"
Arnold was enlightened. "I'm beginning to see the only difference between romance here, and across the universe, is the age of a man before a woman bites his head off!"
"Hypocrite!" Rosie slapped him with her duster. "You prefer women saucy and bossy, taking nice women and robots like me for granted."
Rosie chased Arnold around the room, pressuring him, "Admit it! You like aggressive females, don't you?"
"If you admit first," answered Arnold, "You secretly love a man who tells you what to do!"
Their eyes locked, for a second, before Rosie broke the trance. "Sexist pig!"
"I love it when you talk dirty!" said Arnold playfully, as Rosie slapped him again.
Having cornered his prey, Arnold moved in for the kill.
