Eurovision 2017

[Tommy Tainant]

Lets get it on !!!

Anyone else watching ?

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Israel up first. Load of shite. He might as well go back to the hotel and pack his bags.
Some Israeli and at least one Palestinian flag in the audience. Music brings us together.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Poland was a shit song and the singer had a bit too much flesh on display I think. Pretty girl though.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Belarus was just awful. But probably not the low point.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Austria next. My hopes arent high.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Shite. Lets take a moment to celebrate the greatest living Austrian.

Conchita brought glory to Austria by winning the Euros a few years back. God bless you.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Skip over Armenia. Is it even in Europe ?

 

[Tommy Tainant]

The Dutch are on now. 3 sexy Dutch babes singing a lament to Gertie Wilders entitled "fuck off you sick wierdo fuck"*

* My Dutch isnt great so it might not be quite that.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Moldova wasnt bad.Its part of Romania I think.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Hungary - The Mighty Magyars.

Bizarre stuff that seems to draw on the Romany heritage of the country. The singer is accompanying himself by playing on what looks like a milk churn but could be an ancient Hungarian instrument. Oh dear, he is rapping now.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

The Italian singer is dancing on stage with a chap in a gorilla suit.

The Gorilla is wearing a bow tie. Apparently it is a huge hit around that Europe.The sooner we are out the better.

 

[Swagger]

Denmark's being represented by an Australian. Weird.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Denmark are being represented by a chesty Australian girl. She is singing a lurv song apparently. TBH its total shite.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Denmark's being represented by an Australian. Weird.

Celine Dion represented Switzerland back in the day.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Portugal now. This is total crap. I saw it in the qualifiers and cant believe it got through. Off to get my cans out of the freezer in the garage.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Azerbajan - The song is called "skeleton" and there is a bloke on stage standing on a ladder and wearing a horses head.

Dont give up the day job cariad.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

This next one is a biggy apparently.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Croatia - A fat bloke duets with himself in operatic/torch song styles.
Has to be seen to be believed.
It could actually win although there is a yodeller coming on soon.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Believe it or not the next act is from that ancient European state of Australia. Its sung by a bloke who looks like a girl who wishes she could join Take That.

 

[Tommy Tainant]

Greece and Spain. Both shite.