Elizabeth Warren Claims Two Men Assaulted Her

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Elizabeth Warren Claims Two Men In Colonial Outfits Assaulted Her With Smallpox-Infested Blankets
February 19th, 2019
cnnmsnbc

misnistry of truth approved.JPG


WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a statement to D.C. police given Tuesday, senator and presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren claimed that two men in colonial outfits accosted her on the street and assaulted her with smallpox-infected blankets.

Warren claimed she was simply on her evening walk with her favorite peyote blend when the two men leaped out of the bushes, fired a round, spent several minutes reloading their muzzle-loading rifles, fired again, and then hollered "battle cries" as they hurled smallpox-infested blankets at her.

"The men fired muskets at me, threw several blankets infested with smallpox in my general direction, and told me this was colonial country," she said, holding back tears. "They told me to go back to my reservation and that I wasn't welcome here."

According to Warren, the men stuck a feather in her hair and then called her "macaroni" before dancing around her in a mock Native American rain dance.

"It is just despicable to me that in 2019 a woman can still be targeted for lynching because of her .0001% Indian heritage," she said in a press conference. "This is Trump's America, people."

Police quickly poked holes in Warren's story, such as the fact that she never dropped her peace pipe throughout the ordeal and that she left the smallpox blankets and mock Indian headdress on herself as she walked to the police department to make her statement.

Elizabeth Warren Claims Two Men In Colonial Outfits Assaulted Her With Smallpox-Infested Blankets
 
Babylonbee is a satire site and that’s probably where this goes. Lol
Elizabeth Warren Claims Two Men In Colonial Outfits Assaulted Her With Smallpox-Infested Blankets
February 19th, 2019
cnnmsnbc

View attachment 247296

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a statement to D.C. police given Tuesday, senator and presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren claimed that two men in colonial outfits accosted her on the street and assaulted her with smallpox-infected blankets.

Warren claimed she was simply on her evening walk with her favorite peyote blend when the two men leaped out of the bushes, fired a round, spent several minutes reloading their muzzle-loading rifles, fired again, and then hollered "battle cries" as they hurled smallpox-infested blankets at her.

"The men fired muskets at me, threw several blankets infested with smallpox in my general direction, and told me this was colonial country," she said, holding back tears. "They told me to go back to my reservation and that I wasn't welcome here."

According to Warren, the men stuck a feather in her hair and then called her "macaroni" before dancing around her in a mock Native American rain dance.

"It is just despicable to me that in 2019 a woman can still be targeted for lynching because of her .0001% Indian heritage," she said in a press conference. "This is Trump's America, people."

Police quickly poked holes in Warren's story, such as the fact that she never dropped her peace pipe throughout the ordeal and that she left the smallpox blankets and mock Indian headdress on herself as she walked to the police department to make her statement.

Elizabeth Warren Claims Two Men In Colonial Outfits Assaulted Her With Smallpox-Infested Blankets
 
Elizabeth Warren Claims Two Men In Colonial Outfits Assaulted Her With Smallpox-Infested Blankets
February 19th, 2019
cnnmsnbc

View attachment 247296

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a statement to D.C. police given Tuesday, senator and presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren claimed that two men in colonial outfits accosted her on the street and assaulted her with smallpox-infected blankets.

Warren claimed she was simply on her evening walk with her favorite peyote blend when the two men leaped out of the bushes, fired a round, spent several minutes reloading their muzzle-loading rifles, fired again, and then hollered "battle cries" as they hurled smallpox-infested blankets at her.

"The men fired muskets at me, threw several blankets infested with smallpox in my general direction, and told me this was colonial country," she said, holding back tears. "They told me to go back to my reservation and that I wasn't welcome here."

According to Warren, the men stuck a feather in her hair and then called her "macaroni" before dancing around her in a mock Native American rain dance.

"It is just despicable to me that in 2019 a woman can still be targeted for lynching because of her .0001% Indian heritage," she said in a press conference. "This is Trump's America, people."

Police quickly poked holes in Warren's story, such as the fact that she never dropped her peace pipe throughout the ordeal and that she left the smallpox blankets and mock Indian headdress on herself as she walked to the police department to make her statement.

Elizabeth Warren Claims Two Men In Colonial Outfits Assaulted Her With Smallpox-Infested Blankets
I EAGERLY AWAIT THE MEDIA’S CONDEMNATION OF THIS ATTACK ON THE FREE PRESS:

Liz Warren: ‘Fox News Is a Hate-For-Profit Racket That Gives a Megaphone to Racists and Conspiracists.’
 
Elizabeth Warren Claims Two Men In Colonial Outfits Assaulted Her With Smallpox-Infested Blankets
February 19th, 2019
cnnmsnbc

View attachment 247296

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a statement to D.C. police given Tuesday, senator and presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren claimed that two men in colonial outfits accosted her on the street and assaulted her with smallpox-infected blankets.

Warren claimed she was simply on her evening walk with her favorite peyote blend when the two men leaped out of the bushes, fired a round, spent several minutes reloading their muzzle-loading rifles, fired again, and then hollered "battle cries" as they hurled smallpox-infested blankets at her.

"The men fired muskets at me, threw several blankets infested with smallpox in my general direction, and told me this was colonial country," she said, holding back tears. "They told me to go back to my reservation and that I wasn't welcome here."

According to Warren, the men stuck a feather in her hair and then called her "macaroni" before dancing around her in a mock Native American rain dance.

"It is just despicable to me that in 2019 a woman can still be targeted for lynching because of her .0001% Indian heritage," she said in a press conference. "This is Trump's America, people."

Police quickly poked holes in Warren's story, such as the fact that she never dropped her peace pipe throughout the ordeal and that she left the smallpox blankets and mock Indian headdress on herself as she walked to the police department to make her statement.

Elizabeth Warren Claims Two Men In Colonial Outfits Assaulted Her With Smallpox-Infested Blankets
Sadly, right wingers believe this is an absolutely true story and it really happened.
 

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