- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
- 250
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In the spirit of TrumpUSA Christmas, I wanted to offer up this fictional crime-story about a serial-killer making dream-disturbing media-waves at drive-in theaters in Florida.
Hey maybe we should all just generally be more 'folkloric' about TrumpUSA this Christmas...
Cheers (signing off),
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
====
One Christmas in Miami (Florida, USA), a group of people decided to attend a special drive-in presentation of a female espionage film starring Angelina Jolie. In attendance was U.S. President Donald Trump himself. As he was enjoying the imaginative thriller-film (titled American Demon) about a CIA agent named Scarlett Barnes who has to track down a rogue ISIS agent roaming around Disney World, there was a strange news-report delivered by the drive-in managers (on a megaphone) about a possible serial-killer on the loose in Florida, stalking people at drive-ins.
Apparently, this drive-in psycho wanted to make everyone feel generally 'nervous' about TrumpUSA and wanted to terrorize people at drive-in movies. Maybe this modern psycho wanted to make a statement about why new age capitalism was not spiritually satisfying. Maybe this psycho just wanted to enrage President Trump. Whatever the psycho's motivations were, he/she had killed 6 people already in three separate drive-in theaters across the state of Florida, and now he was possibly roaming around the one in Miami where Trump was trying to enjoy American Demon.
Well, fortunately, whoever this serial-killer was, he/she did not succeed in killing anyone at the drive-in President Trump was watching American Demon in, so everyone was relieved. However, President Trump tweeted the next day, "Americans will not tolerate a madman running around Florida during Christmastime and terrorizing patrons at drive-in theaters; it's simply un-American, and I've commanded the FBI to perform special maneuvers to bring this psycho to justice!" Meanwhile, a B-filmmaker named Stan Leah decided to create a low-grade TrumpUSA horror-parody titled American Carnage: Tales of Trumpian Dystopia (starring Mark Hamill, Dan Lee, and Evan Rachel Wood). The film would explore why anti-social crimes would 'emerge' in TrumpUSA.
Finally, two months later, the psycho drive-in serial-killer was caught. His name was Tom Hardy and he wielded a sabre which he used to decapitate patrons at the drive-ins he visited in Florida that Christmas. Now pulp-writers wanted Hardy to become a celebrity, so they started penning comics-stylized TrumpUSA-paranoia folk-tales about the serial-killer with clever titles like Drive-In Massacre, Terror at the Drive-In, and Trumpian Drive-In Hell. Trump tweeted, "I'm concerned Hardy is becoming a celebrity, simply because people want to indulge in anti-TrumpUSA paranoia-sentiments. We have to remain idealistic about 21st Century traffic in this great commercial land we call the USA."
Hardy was awaiting his sentence and was possibly going to receive the death-penalty (in gas-chamber). Trump tweeted, "If Hardy deserves to be gassed, the American justice-system will prevail in administering the appropriate punishment, which is why I express confidence in Florida's legal system as well as the Supreme Court if they are in any way involved in this highly-bizarre criminal case." As Hardy awaited his sentence, he was asked by an interviewer from CNN if he was simply unhappy with TrumpUSA cheer, to which the psycho coldly said, "I'd rather offer my own brand of social-terrorism than listen to funny pseudo-communist TrumpUSA jokes on Saturday Night Live [SNL]."
THE END
====
Hey maybe we should all just generally be more 'folkloric' about TrumpUSA this Christmas...
Cheers (signing off),
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
====
One Christmas in Miami (Florida, USA), a group of people decided to attend a special drive-in presentation of a female espionage film starring Angelina Jolie. In attendance was U.S. President Donald Trump himself. As he was enjoying the imaginative thriller-film (titled American Demon) about a CIA agent named Scarlett Barnes who has to track down a rogue ISIS agent roaming around Disney World, there was a strange news-report delivered by the drive-in managers (on a megaphone) about a possible serial-killer on the loose in Florida, stalking people at drive-ins.
Apparently, this drive-in psycho wanted to make everyone feel generally 'nervous' about TrumpUSA and wanted to terrorize people at drive-in movies. Maybe this modern psycho wanted to make a statement about why new age capitalism was not spiritually satisfying. Maybe this psycho just wanted to enrage President Trump. Whatever the psycho's motivations were, he/she had killed 6 people already in three separate drive-in theaters across the state of Florida, and now he was possibly roaming around the one in Miami where Trump was trying to enjoy American Demon.
Well, fortunately, whoever this serial-killer was, he/she did not succeed in killing anyone at the drive-in President Trump was watching American Demon in, so everyone was relieved. However, President Trump tweeted the next day, "Americans will not tolerate a madman running around Florida during Christmastime and terrorizing patrons at drive-in theaters; it's simply un-American, and I've commanded the FBI to perform special maneuvers to bring this psycho to justice!" Meanwhile, a B-filmmaker named Stan Leah decided to create a low-grade TrumpUSA horror-parody titled American Carnage: Tales of Trumpian Dystopia (starring Mark Hamill, Dan Lee, and Evan Rachel Wood). The film would explore why anti-social crimes would 'emerge' in TrumpUSA.
Finally, two months later, the psycho drive-in serial-killer was caught. His name was Tom Hardy and he wielded a sabre which he used to decapitate patrons at the drive-ins he visited in Florida that Christmas. Now pulp-writers wanted Hardy to become a celebrity, so they started penning comics-stylized TrumpUSA-paranoia folk-tales about the serial-killer with clever titles like Drive-In Massacre, Terror at the Drive-In, and Trumpian Drive-In Hell. Trump tweeted, "I'm concerned Hardy is becoming a celebrity, simply because people want to indulge in anti-TrumpUSA paranoia-sentiments. We have to remain idealistic about 21st Century traffic in this great commercial land we call the USA."
Hardy was awaiting his sentence and was possibly going to receive the death-penalty (in gas-chamber). Trump tweeted, "If Hardy deserves to be gassed, the American justice-system will prevail in administering the appropriate punishment, which is why I express confidence in Florida's legal system as well as the Supreme Court if they are in any way involved in this highly-bizarre criminal case." As Hardy awaited his sentence, he was asked by an interviewer from CNN if he was simply unhappy with TrumpUSA cheer, to which the psycho coldly said, "I'd rather offer my own brand of social-terrorism than listen to funny pseudo-communist TrumpUSA jokes on Saturday Night Live [SNL]."
THE END
====
