PROBLEM: Two books are for sale. Which to buy? "The Titanic" or "My Life" by Bill Clinton? Titanic: $29.99 Clinton: $29.99 Titanic: Over 3 hours to read. Clinton: Over 3 hours to read. Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Titanic: Jack is a starving artist. Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist. Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. Clinton: Ditto for Bill. Titanic: During an ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined. Clinton: Ditto for Monica. Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit. Clinton: Let's not go there. Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry. Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts. Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen. Clinton: Monica... oooh, let's not go there, either. Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death. Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary... basically the same thing.