domestic violence

[actsnoblemartin]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOu_BszChIE&feature=related]YouTube - Domestic Violence- Women are Half the Problem[/ame]

 

[Amanda]

In the most serious cases of violence men dominate. Women are much more likely to be murdered by an intimate partner, regardless of who started the fight. Among the persons killed by an intimate partner, about three quarters are female, and about a quarter are male: in 1999, in the US, 1,218 women and 424 men were killed by an intimate partner, regardless of which partner started the violence and of the gender of the partner. In the US, in 2005, 1181 females and 329 males were killed by their intimate partners.

Domestic violence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[Loisal]

Domestic violence should not happen to anybody. Ever. Period. But it does - and when it does, there is help. Maybe you have lived with abuse, maybe it happened just once; maybe you work or live next to someone who is being abused right now. Whoever you are, this book can show you how and where to get help. In 1994, 1995, and again in 2000, Michigan changed the laws that deal with domestic violence to make it easier for the victims of abuse to get protection through the legal system.We have tried to include information to help you get support and plan for your safety. If this booklet applies to you, you just need to remember two things: first, abuse is never okay; second, you are not alone. Help is yours for the asking.

 

[JW Frogen]

If a man hits you get out.

Just go, go anywhere but there.

He is not going to change, and it will get worse.

 

[Dr Gregg]

the guy is a total dickhead asshole for beating their spouse (well its mostly the guy beating the woman), but the woman is the one thae s attracted to the tough guy type, and also allows them to be hit or abused even once. One time of verbal or physical abuse,. they should be gone. I know its some sort of psychological problem, but its almost like drug addiction, you let it get to the point you are at now where you feel you can't get out.

Never understood the mindset of a battered woman, probably never will.

 

[Dr Gregg]

If a man hits you get out.

Just go, go anywhere but there.

He is not going to change, and it will get worse.

It's a little different these days than in the past where a woman can and usually does work and does not rely on the man, like in the past. So that excuse for many women shouldn't cut it

 

[Big Black Dog]

I don't really know how I would react if I was a woman and a man beat me up in my home be it either a husband, boyfriend, live-in or whatever. I don't quite know exactly what I would do. I would like to think I could remain calm enough to saddle up beside this person and look him square in the eyes and say something like "If I was you, I would never go to sleep again in this house." Then I would get a softball bat out of the closet and just place it beside the bed without saying another word. In my mind, this would send a very clear and loud message...

 

[Truthmatters]

If a man hits you get out.

Just go, go anywhere but there.

He is not going to change, and it will get worse.

It's a little different these days than in the past where a woman can and usually does work and does not rely on the man, like in the past. So that excuse for many women shouldn't cut it

Here is a basic overview of Truth :
Each man as an individual has every right to assault other human beings, including the female of the species. The family unit structure, marriage, the girlfriend/boyfriend delusion are all societal institutions designed to promote and sponsor violence.

At the same time, society launches campaigns designed to be near useless in order to simply keep up its illusions of decency that it is trying to stop the problem.

Women don't usually stay on such relationships because of money, they stay because they have a perverse societally induced need to pretend that they are "loved" by another human being.

The Truth is that "domestic violence" is a direct societal decree that it promotes violence within the family unit/marriage and boyfriend/girlfriend structures. That is WHY they invented such a term, instead of using the already available "assault" label.

Just as bullying is just an assault, so is domestic violence. The labels of bullying and domestic violence are created for the sole malevolent purpose of promoting these particular acts of violence.

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For more information on My posts visit My website/blog TM8k

Look I dont know how old you are but your silly notions of society being evil is insane.

Man is a pack animal and creating these types of relationships is as natural to man as breathing.

You really need to go take some college courses on anthropology, Phycology, sociology and learn about how mans brain developed and why we Speak.

You are likely some kid who is infatuated with anarchy and like minded ideas.

Solve the problems in your own life that makes these ideas fasinating to you and then you will realise just how fucking stupid it is to tell people this line of bullshit and think they will be impressed.

Grow the fuck up.

And please dont come back here and complain about my fucking lauguage while talking about how society is bad MMMMKAY

 

[Wry Catcher]

I have read many ignorant posts on this MB but most of the posts above exceed the worst of the RW trolls. DV is all about power and control. The offenders our unit dealt with were almost exclusively male (in terms of full disclosure, we were funded by VAWA [violence against women act] funds). The offenders ranged from unemployed drug addicts to well respected and wealthy members of the community. The acts committed ranged from a slap, to terrorist threats; vandalism, stalking, the killing of pets, threats against family and battery up to and including great bodily injury and mayhem.
Victims don't leave for many reasons, many have been denied contact with family and friends and are isolated by the abuser, the threat by the abuser to kill family or friends, financial dependence, and of course if you leave me I'll kill you, us or myself.

 

[masquerade]

Barriers to Leaving/Accessing Help

Often people will wonder why a person in an abusive situation does not just leave or at least reach out for help. It is not as easy to do this as you might think.

Fear of retaliation (often the offender will threaten the victim, telling them that more harm will come to them if they call the police, get a restraining order, have the offender arrested, ask the offender to leave the home, hold the offender accountable is some way). The offender may also threaten to harm someone that the victim cares for (i.e. their family, friends, etc.) This is why it is so important for friends, neighbors, relatives to reach out or intervene if possible. Sometimes the victim is too afraid to ask for help.

Fear that no one will believe them – often the offender will convince the victim that no one will believe them if they are to talk about the abuse. Particularly if the victim has substance abuse or mental health issues, or if they have a criminal history themselves.

The victim has no where else to go – because part of the pattern of abuse is to isolate the victim, many victims become distanced or separated from family, friends and other supports. They may feel that there is no one that they can turn to about the abuse. The victim may also have no money or other means of financial support if they leave. They may also rely on the offender for insurance/medical care. The fear that you know is often more bearable than the fear of the unknown.

The victim does not know about available support services – many victims are not aware of the available supports in the community like local battered women’s programs, victim witness advocates, etc.)

The victim is afraid to go to a shelter – going to a shelter can be a very frightening experience. Many people have lived in the same home for years, and the though of leaving is very frightening. It is also very difficult to leave all of your belongings behind and go to a place that is filled with strangers, where you may be sharing a room with other people.

The abuser promises to get help/to change – many people forget that the victim almost always has a significant emotional connection to the abuser. The abuser is not a stranger - there is a strong bond with that person (and often a strong love) that makes it very difficult to simply end the relationship. This is why victims will often give their abusers multiple chances to change, because they hope that the relationship can get better and be good like it likely was at the beginning.

Concern for what will happen to the abuser – many victims fear for their abuser if they call the police or get a stay away order. The abuser may have no where else to go, they may be on probation and could go to jail if the police are called again, there may be immigration issues and the abuser could be deported if the police are called. It can be very difficult for the victim call for help if they think that something like this could happen. Many abusers will make their victims feel so much guilt about this that the victim will not call for help, “if you get a restraining order, I will be homeless.”

The victim and the abuser have children together – many women are terrified that they will not be able to raise their children alone and they do not want their children to grow up without a father. It is often difficult to understand that the impact of witnessing domestic violence on children can be extremely traumatic. Also, ongoing domestic violence is also linked with an increased risk of child abuse.

The victim believes that the abuse is their own fault – many victims have been brainwashed by the abuser to believe that they abuse is their own fault – that their behavior or actions or words “caused” the offender to be violent.

The stigma of disclosing domestic violence – many people are embarrassed to disclose that they are a victim of abuse. They feel that they should have been able to prevent the abuse or feel somehow that it is their fault.

DO NOT FORGET – leaving is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. It is the ultimate threat to the control that the offender has over the victim. Safety planning must be done very carefully when a victim is thinking about how to leave an abusive relationship.

 

[tommywho70x]

Incorrect. I am a 100% real-life practicing psychopath with absolutely no remorse and a former maximum security inmate on several occasions.

i've been quietly watching your splashdown in these forums for the past few days wondering just what the fuck is going on with you. at least you are not in denial about being criminally insane.

glad you're in australia. are you out on parole or did you escape? is there a reward on your head?

 

[AllieBaba]

the guy is a total dickhead asshole for beating their spouse (well its mostly the guy beating the woman), but the woman is the one thae s attracted to the tough guy type, and also allows them to be hit or abused even once. One time of verbal or physical abuse,. they should be gone. I know its some sort of psychological problem, but its almost like drug addiction, you let it get to the point you are at now where you feel you can't get out.

Never understood the mindset of a battered woman, probably never will.

No, you won't, because you are a narrow minded fool.

Men don't usually start out abusive relationships hitting their women. It starts out with little stuff, and the nature of it is that the women are intrinsically involved. For example, a man accuses his wife of cheating on him if she stays at the store 10 minutes longer than she agreed to. She gets furious and calls him a bastard. Next time she stays longer, because she's making a point.

He starts to follow her or "punish" her for being defiant. She may be pregnant now, and so feels vulnerable. She feels guilty for goading him and calling him names. She tries to placate him and at first it works and she thinks she has it all figure out.

Then the baby is born and he's mad because she won't have sex with him. Again, she feels guilty. She has sex though she doesn't want to. She gets pregnant again. He accuses her of doing it on purpose. He starts drinking and becomes even more irrational, but she thinks it's just the alcohol because he always apologizes.

She has the baby, now she has two babies. She hasn't worked in two years because he wants to support his family and she respects that. She has no income, and he has alienated her family. That's when he hits her.

By then she's been with him for years, she has two babies, no marketable skills, a severely diminished ego. SHe questions her own sanity at times, she feels guilty for getting into the situation, guilty because sometimes she feels she's the problem, guilty because she wants her children to have a father. She's also afraid that if she leaves, she won't be able to get far enough fast enough, and he might kill her and take the kids.

Or she can't leave with the kids and is afraid to leave them behind with him.

Or she leaves and the courts insist he have liberal visitation, and every visitation is a nightmare because he uses the opportunity to harrass her, threaten her, intimidate her.

So she goes back. Most women who stay with their abusers do it because they're afraid for their kids, or afraid for their lives.

My ex always knew exactly where I was at any time of the day. Always. I'd walk to DV counseling, and he'd drive by 3 or 4 times. I had to do the counseling sessions because if I didn't, I wasn't participating in my "jobs" plan and wouldn't get a TANF grant, which I needed desperately the first few months after I left him. He walked by the kids' babysitter's house regularly while they were there. He drove by when I was there to pick them up. He called my mother repeatedly and ranted and raved at her. He had his kids call me. He accused me of things he had done and got friends to sign affidavits swearing they had seen evidence of my beating him (it makes me want to gag still). The dumb fuck would get shit faced drunk and stagger around outside, fall in the bushes, off the steps, then go to his buddy's house and tell him I'd been pounding on him. What a jackass.

Anyway, it isn't cut and dried. I interviewed a police chief when he retired and asked him the one thing that he learned during his 22 years as chief that surprised him. He said the plight of women in dv situations. He said as a young cop and a young man, he always thought it was a simple matter of choice. But after going on call after call after call for DV through the years, he came to realize, nothing is simple, and the women who stay don't stay because they're stupid, or because they like to be hit. They stay because the alternative is more dangerous.

BTW, most domestic violence victims who die are killed upon leaving their abusers.

 

[Wry Catcher]

Barriers to Leaving/Accessing Help

Often people will wonder why a person in an abusive situation does not just leave or at least reach out for help. It is not as easy to do this as you might think.

Fear of retaliation (often the offender will threaten the victim, telling them that more harm will come to them if they call the police, get a restraining order, have the offender arrested, ask the offender to leave the home, hold the offender accountable is some way). The offender may also threaten to harm someone that the victim cares for (i.e. their family, friends, etc.) This is why it is so important for friends, neighbors, relatives to reach out or intervene if possible. Sometimes the victim is too afraid to ask for help.

Fear that no one will believe them – often the offender will convince the victim that no one will believe them if they are to talk about the abuse. Particularly if the victim has substance abuse or mental health issues, or if they have a criminal history themselves.

The victim has no where else to go – because part of the pattern of abuse is to isolate the victim, many victims become distanced or separated from family, friends and other supports. They may feel that there is no one that they can turn to about the abuse. The victim may also have no money or other means of financial support if they leave. They may also rely on the offender for insurance/medical care. The fear that you know is often more bearable than the fear of the unknown.

The victim does not know about available support services – many victims are not aware of the available supports in the community like local battered women’s programs, victim witness advocates, etc.)

The victim is afraid to go to a shelter – going to a shelter can be a very frightening experience. Many people have lived in the same home for years, and the though of leaving is very frightening. It is also very difficult to leave all of your belongings behind and go to a place that is filled with strangers, where you may be sharing a room with other people.

The abuser promises to get help/to change – many people forget that the victim almost always has a significant emotional connection to the abuser. The abuser is not a stranger - there is a strong bond with that person (and often a strong love) that makes it very difficult to simply end the relationship. This is why victims will often give their abusers multiple chances to change, because they hope that the relationship can get better and be good like it likely was at the beginning.

Concern for what will happen to the abuser – many victims fear for their abuser if they call the police or get a stay away order. The abuser may have no where else to go, they may be on probation and could go to jail if the police are called again, there may be immigration issues and the abuser could be deported if the police are called. It can be very difficult for the victim call for help if they think that something like this could happen. Many abusers will make their victims feel so much guilt about this that the victim will not call for help, “if you get a restraining order, I will be homeless.”

The victim and the abuser have children together – many women are terrified that they will not be able to raise their children alone and they do not want their children to grow up without a father. It is often difficult to understand that the impact of witnessing domestic violence on children can be extremely traumatic. Also, ongoing domestic violence is also linked with an increased risk of child abuse.

The victim believes that the abuse is their own fault – many victims have been brainwashed by the abuser to believe that they abuse is their own fault – that their behavior or actions or words “caused” the offender to be violent.

The stigma of disclosing domestic violence – many people are embarrassed to disclose that they are a victim of abuse. They feel that they should have been able to prevent the abuse or feel somehow that it is their fault.

DO NOT FORGET – leaving is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. It is the ultimate threat to the control that the offender has over the victim. Safety planning must be done very carefully when a victim is thinking about how to leave an abusive relationship.

Well said, a very comprehensive picture of difficult situations. I ran our agency DV Unit for over five years and agree 100% with your comments. Others on this thread ought to put aside their bias and 'hear' what you have written. Had I on day one had your post to share with new deputies, our task would have been much easier.

 

[Mr. H.]

Domestic violence takes many forms, only one of which is physical. I endured 13 years of emotional, verbal, and mental abuse. It ultimately drove me into an extramarital relationship.

The result? I was the bad guy. Castigated, rejected, brow beat by the court system, alienated from family and friends, and broken financially.

I attempted suicide, sought refuge in medication and therapy, and endured years of depression.

I felt vindication after reading a newspaper article titled "The Seven Signs of Emotional Abuse".
Only after reading it did I realize what had happened to me.

Fuck that bullshit I'm done with it. Life is as it should be for me now. Those memories are buried deep where they belong.

 

[Foxfyre]

I don't really know how I would react if I was a woman and a man beat me up in my home be it either a husband, boyfriend, live-in or whatever. I don't quite know exactly what I would do. I would like to think I could remain calm enough to saddle up beside this person and look him square in the eyes and say something like "If I was you, I would never go to sleep again in this house." Then I would get a softball bat out of the closet and just place it beside the bed without saying another word. In my mind, this would send a very clear and loud message...

If you were the average woman and your guy even hit you, much less beat you up, you would be out of there and would never look back. And, if there was injury, you would file charges.

If you were the typical regularly battered other, however, it is a gradual thing of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse that creates a kind of codependency in the abused one--a destruction of self esteem, self worth, overwhelming fear, and a belief in what the other regularly accuses you that you're lacking, inferior--it is somehow your fault. You would get up in the morning and look to the other person to figure out what kind of day you were going to have. You would do that frequently during the day.

You would measure every expression, every word, every nuance trying not to set him off. Until the tension gets too terrible. And then you lash out and he has an accuse to attack.

And, after he beats the crap out of you and shows genuine remorse for what he did, you forgive him. Yet again. Deep down you know he'll do it again and he will. But for now you settle for him being sorry. For now.

And eventually he will permanent injure you or kill you. It is highly unlikely to get better on its own.

The OP video has a point, but it sure went about it in the wrong way to make that point. The presentation would have you believe that the typical domestic violence incident against men is just as prevalent and just as severe as that against women. It can be. And it does happen. But it is nowhere usually as severe or debilitating as what women more typically endure. And usually, in time, the men will walk away from the situation. It is the atypical woman who does so.