Do You Obey The Law?

Discussion in 'Humor' started by PoliticalChic, Jun 21, 2010.

  1. PoliticalChic
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    PoliticalChic Diamond Member

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    3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

    4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

    5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

    6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

    7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

    9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

    10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

    12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold..

    13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

    14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

    15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

    16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

    17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

    18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

    19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
     
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  2. crazybuoy
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    crazybuoy Rookie

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    i obey this laws.
     
  3. Luissa
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    Luissa Annoying Customer Supporting Member

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    19 is very true, especially with children..
    I did learn that cold air helps a cough, so that is one reason why your child will stop coughing by the time you get to the ER..
     
  4. Epsilon Delta
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    Epsilon Delta Jedi Master

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    Oh my god, I HATE RULE #9 BUT ITS SO TRUE!!!
     
  5. lawbuff
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    lawbuff Member

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    I called off work one day and told my boss I had anal glaucoma. He asked what was that and I said "I can't see my ass coming in today".



    I called off work one day and told the boss I had car trouble. He asked what kind. I told him my starter would not start, my crankshaft would not crank and my pistons would not piss.
     
  6. George Costanza
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    George Costanza A Friendly Liberal

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    Many of the laws described in the OP are variations of Gumperson's Law. Gumperson's Law says that the probability of any given occurrence is in inverse proportion to its desirability. In other words, if you don't want it to happen, it will. If you do want it to happen, it won't.

    http://lawsoflife.co.uk/gumpersons-law/

    Once, very long ago, I lived in a town where my going to and from work was opposite to the rush hour, so I had light traffic each way. One morning, I had to take a laxative. I won't go into the details about that - I just had to do it. I hardly ever took laxatives but I did this morning. Then I got into my car and headed for work.

    Twenty minutes later, two things happened, both at the same time. The first thing was, a serious traffic accident that turned the freeway into a parking lot. An accident this serious rarely happened but, on this particular morning, it did. Furthermore, when I found myself caught in the totally non-moving traffic, I had just passed an off ramp. It was too late to back up and get off and the next off ramp was easily twenty minutes to half an hour away.

    Do I have to tell you what the second thing was? You got it. The laxative I had taken half an hour or so earlier, suddenly began to kick in, Big Time.

    A classic Gumperson.

    Edit Note: Gumperson's Law is often confused with Murphy's Law, which is more simplistic and less sinister. Murphy's Law simply says that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2010
  7. PoliticalChic
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    PoliticalChic Diamond Member

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    The variation that I recall was 'Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill the same night."
     
  8. hitmark
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    Why do lawyers wear tight ties?
    So their foreskin doesn't creep up and cover their face.
    What's the difference between a dead lawyer on a street and a dead dog on the street?
    There are skid marks in front of the dog.
    What's black and brown and look great on lawyers?
    Dobermans
    What's the difference between a Rooster and a Lawyer?
    A rooster clucks defiance.
    What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
    One in 50,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
    Why does the American Bar Association prohibit sex between attorneys and their clients?
    To prevent the client for being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
     

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