Disciplining Your Children

[Terry]

Echo,

I never had to reallly discipline my older two boys even as toddlers. When a child learns very early that NO means NO and that's it...then no problems.

My younger two boys while not having to spank, or time out, I did restrict them a few times or take away items.

 

[PoliticalChic]

My kids ages 9 and 6 have had things taken away for bad behavior. My older one used to hate it when we took away her pillow.

More recently, I was horrified to find out that the kids had neglected to brush their teeth for over a week before they went to bed. My husband came up with an idea which I thought was ingenius. If they came to us by 8 pm to show us that they brushed their teeth they would be able to stay up till 8:30. The kids were delighted with this idea since their bedtime used to be 8 pm. Now they look forward to brushing their teeth.

 

[RodISHI]

Bathrooms and boys remind me of the grandsons. Their mom neglected to teach them not to piss all over the toilet. So while they all lived here for a few months they learned to aim better or be responsible for cleaning the whole toilet area. After asking them several times to either clean up their mess or aim better did not work, we had a proper use of the toilet training session (about an hour of cleaning every nook and cranny around the toilet). A couple cleaning lessons did the trick. Leave it clean or clean it.

 

[Zoom-boing]

My oldest never gave us any problems; she was four before she even had her first temper tantrum! My son - ASD - LOADS of behavioral problems that 'normal' techniques (time out, taking away things, etc) didn't help. Time and maturity was the true fix for much of his issues. Now, taking away privileges, things, etc. works with him. Then there is the 12 year old. She grew up in her brother's 'bad behavior' shadow. You'd think she would have figured out that no means no but . . . some kids are bullheaded. We take away things as consequences. None of our kids have a computer, tv or phone in their rooms; only the oldest (18) has a cell phone that she didn't get till she was 15 and got a job to pay for it. So things like ipods, DS games, computer, tv, movies, etc. are what get confiscated. Getting grounded too.

My youngest has a mouth and attitude on her. She's a terrific kid, very funny, but man -- the attitude. This morning she came downstairs looking in the dryer. I asked what she was looking for and all rolleyes, attitude, disrespectfully she says 'my capris'. Two warnings later she still wasn't getting it and as she slammed her feet (learned from her brother) up the stairs I promptly followed and took her DS. You'd think after umpteen times she'd get it. Backtalk gets soap in the mouth.

One more -- she got braces when she was 9 and just got them off in December (one week b/4 Christmas). She had to wear a daytime retainer (top only) all day and different nighttime retainers (one top, one bottom) at night for the first three months. It was repeated many, many times that the retainers could only be placed in their holders. Many times. We got to week five when she came home from school and said she forgot her retainer on the lunch tray and it got thrown out. Grrrr. $95 to replace. So . . . back to the store went her two DS games she had bought with birthday money. It covered 1/2 the replacement. Sometimes money is a good teacher. Sometimes not. She got the three months done with the daytime top retainer and . . . . lost the replacement!

We also reward good behavior with hugs and humor and verbal praise. Sometimes that backfires though and they get crabby. Kids!

 

[RodISHI]

We rarely had a TV for the first 5 years of my childrens lives. We read books and played games together.

My daughter was a hoot when she was bored one day, (4 years old.) "Mom, let's eat some beans and have a fart'n contest."

 

[eots]

My three year old really tests my nerves. Generally, I try to hug. Time outs are frequent. Very occasionally a slap on the butt, but I try to refrain from that as much as possible.

interesting ...I have never physically disciplined my children...or drugged them

 

[strollingbones]

it was his third strike.....he lied about an event at school to get someone else in trouble .... using mom as a weapon to get pay back ... no you get to keep your bed and clothes and books....all toys are gone.....

actions have consequences.....

My son slammed his door after repeatedly being asked not to, and lost his door for a month.

The look on his face as his single mom pulled out her tools and pulled his door off the hinges: Priceless.

o i did that...i really regretted it later...but that was the summer of the war....the summer he turned on me...he isn now 26 and a good person..sometimes they are just harder to love...about 12 to 20...

 

[Zoom-boing]

You know what doesn't work? Yelling. I know because I mastered it and . . . it never worked. Just worked everyone up into a frenzy. I gave it up, well mostly. Got to keep in practice, just in case I need to yell for something someday.

You know what does work - not always but better than yelling? Speaking in a slightly lower tone and a little quieter voice.

 

[manu1959]

You know what doesn't work? Yelling. I know because I mastered it and . . . it never worked. Just worked everyone up into a frenzy. I gave it up, well mostly. Got to keep in practice, just in case I need to yell for something someday.

You know what does work - not always but better than yelling? Speaking in a slightly lower tone and a little quieter voice.

i have been a ref at quite a few differnet levels....i learned that silence works better than almost anything at controlling people.....

 

[Zoom-boing]

You know what doesn't work? Yelling. I know because I mastered it and . . . it never worked. Just worked everyone up into a frenzy. I gave it up, well mostly. Got to keep in practice, just in case I need to yell for something someday.

You know what does work - not always but better than yelling? Speaking in a slightly lower tone and a little quieter voice.

i have been a ref at quite a few differnet levels....i learned that silence works better than almost anything at controlling people.....

Yup. Wish I had figured that sooner.

 

[Dis]

You know what doesn't work? Yelling. I know because I mastered it and . . . it never worked. Just worked everyone up into a frenzy. I gave it up, well mostly. Got to keep in practice, just in case I need to yell for something someday.

You know what does work - not always but better than yelling? Speaking in a slightly lower tone and a little quieter voice.

Hah. Yelling works great at relieving aggression for the yeller, so it IS good for something.

 

[Zoom-boing]

You know what doesn't work? Yelling. I know because I mastered it and . . . it never worked. Just worked everyone up into a frenzy. I gave it up, well mostly. Got to keep in practice, just in case I need to yell for something someday.

You know what does work - not always but better than yelling? Speaking in a slightly lower tone and a little quieter voice.

Hah. Yelling works great at relieving aggression for the yeller, so it IS good for something.

Yeah but the effect it has on other people . . .

 

[dilloduck]

You know what doesn't work? Yelling. I know because I mastered it and . . . it never worked. Just worked everyone up into a frenzy. I gave it up, well mostly. Got to keep in practice, just in case I need to yell for something someday.

You know what does work - not always but better than yelling? Speaking in a slightly lower tone and a little quieter voice.

Hah. Yelling works great at relieving aggression for the yeller, so it IS good for something.

I never figgered you to be a yeller----huh.

 

[Dis]

You know what doesn't work? Yelling. I know because I mastered it and . . . it never worked. Just worked everyone up into a frenzy. I gave it up, well mostly. Got to keep in practice, just in case I need to yell for something someday.

You know what does work - not always but better than yelling? Speaking in a slightly lower tone and a little quieter voice.

Hah. Yelling works great at relieving aggression for the yeller, so it IS good for something.

I never figgered you to be a yeller----huh.

You're kidding. Takes a bit to get me to *yell*, but when I do...oh boy. (Oh, and you can tell I'm beyond just annoyed yelling in text when I start pulling out the 4-letter words...)

 

[dilloduck]

Hah. Yelling works great at relieving aggression for the yeller, so it IS good for something.

I never figgered you to be a yeller----huh.

You're kidding. Takes a bit to get me to *yell*, but when I do...oh boy. (Oh, and you can tell I'm beyond just annoyed yelling in text when I start pulling out the 4-letter words...)

I thought you just carried around an air horn.

 

[KittenKoder]

Discipline out of anger never works. Even if you have to walk away from it for a moment, the parent must be calm, children can see that anger and it becomes infectious. My father lectured, no anger, no visible emotion really, just the words, all we had were the words to listen to, to absorb. Great tool. I can even remember some of the lectures word for word to this day.