- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
- 250
- 85
Here's a TrumpUSA optimism-tale in honor of the recent film Independence Day: Resurgence.
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Cruise and Ajay were best friends on opposite sides of the track. One was a Hollywood celebrity and the other was an Internet blogging Christian idealist. Cruise just completed a film about samurai culture and Ajay just finished a blog-session about countering anti-Christian fundamentalism-terrorism imagery with American anarchism imagery (on the Internet). They were about to face an alien who was visiting from a faraway planet to challenge the optimism surrounding the commerce-centric TrumpUSA (e.g., Starbucks, Wall Street).
The axe-wielding alien was named Descardo and he despised traffic, capitalism, and consumerism. Descardo landed in Washington, D.C. and wiped out the entire police force, chopping up cops with his axe and keeping their heads as souvenirs. He hollowed out the heads and filled them with guava jelly to make a political statement --- "Even mindless consumers are tasty!" Cruise and Ajay were horrified and decided to challenge Descardo, so Ajay proposed a challenge to the alien.
"Dear Descardo,
If you can post on the Internet in a civilized debate with us, we'll know you're serious about challenging the values of capitalism instead of just creating mayhem and murder in the name of 'political invasion.' My friend Cruise has just made a film about samurai culture-contact, and I've just completed blogs about countering anti-Christian terrorism through media (Internet). Can you challenge us as a cerebral alien in the realm of open-minded Internet chat/dialogue, or are you here simply to scare the living daylights out of First Lady Melania Trump?"
When Descardo read the challenge, he agreed to debate with Cruise and Ajay on World Discussion Forum.
DESCARDO: I loathe Adam Smith, Bill Gates, and Donald Trump!
CRUISE: Relax, Descardo. We simply want you to chat with us like a civilized mind...
AJAY: Put down that axe, and pick up your quills, 'Mr. Alien Visitor.'
DESCARDO: Alright. Well, I think your 'Planet Starbucks' is simply shallow and naive...
CRUISE: Do you not find any virtue in the networks created by commerce?
AJAY: Don't the women on your planet appreciate a reliable credit-card?
DESCARDO: There are no females on my planet (I hail from an asexually-reproducing species).
CRUISE: Well, even males enjoy the comforts of crop-harvests, no?
AJAY: Yeah, what about tasty pumpkin pie?
DESCARDO: I'd rather drink the blood of morally-complacent consumers than break bread with them!
CRUISE: Are you that opposed to peace-treaties involving mercantilism?
AJAY: What is your big disgust towards eBay?
DESCARDO: I think I've explained myself...I loathe commercial vanities.
CRUISE: We request you share with us your knowledge about axe-metallurgy.
AJAY: I know of numerous video-game and RPG fans who would appreciate your insights into 'adventure.'
DESCARDO: I suppose I could serve as a 'tutor' for RPGs involving metallurgy fantasies...
CRUISE: Why don't you send signals to NASA from your planet regarding video-game 'treaties'?
AJAY: Such a 'project' would be like a 'rehabilitation asylum' for your anarchistic mayhem and devastation.
DESCARDO: Maybe I'm being fooled or gulled by two wily 'capitalist cheerleaders.'
CRUISE: Any good 'priest' is also a well-rounded 'diplomat,' Descardo.
AJAY: Think about what you've done to frighten our First Lady (Melania Trump), a simple 'American diplomat'!
DESCARDO: Forgive me for my pre-meditated angst towards your species' explicit love for Facebook!
CRUISE: We'll forgive, but won't forget; send us those peace-treaty video-game specs from your planet.
AJAY: And remember us humans --- 'diplomats of democracy and Dianetics.'
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Cruise and Ajay were best friends on opposite sides of the track. One was a Hollywood celebrity and the other was an Internet blogging Christian idealist. Cruise just completed a film about samurai culture and Ajay just finished a blog-session about countering anti-Christian fundamentalism-terrorism imagery with American anarchism imagery (on the Internet). They were about to face an alien who was visiting from a faraway planet to challenge the optimism surrounding the commerce-centric TrumpUSA (e.g., Starbucks, Wall Street).
The axe-wielding alien was named Descardo and he despised traffic, capitalism, and consumerism. Descardo landed in Washington, D.C. and wiped out the entire police force, chopping up cops with his axe and keeping their heads as souvenirs. He hollowed out the heads and filled them with guava jelly to make a political statement --- "Even mindless consumers are tasty!" Cruise and Ajay were horrified and decided to challenge Descardo, so Ajay proposed a challenge to the alien.
"Dear Descardo,
If you can post on the Internet in a civilized debate with us, we'll know you're serious about challenging the values of capitalism instead of just creating mayhem and murder in the name of 'political invasion.' My friend Cruise has just made a film about samurai culture-contact, and I've just completed blogs about countering anti-Christian terrorism through media (Internet). Can you challenge us as a cerebral alien in the realm of open-minded Internet chat/dialogue, or are you here simply to scare the living daylights out of First Lady Melania Trump?"
When Descardo read the challenge, he agreed to debate with Cruise and Ajay on World Discussion Forum.
DESCARDO: I loathe Adam Smith, Bill Gates, and Donald Trump!
CRUISE: Relax, Descardo. We simply want you to chat with us like a civilized mind...
AJAY: Put down that axe, and pick up your quills, 'Mr. Alien Visitor.'
DESCARDO: Alright. Well, I think your 'Planet Starbucks' is simply shallow and naive...
CRUISE: Do you not find any virtue in the networks created by commerce?
AJAY: Don't the women on your planet appreciate a reliable credit-card?
DESCARDO: There are no females on my planet (I hail from an asexually-reproducing species).
CRUISE: Well, even males enjoy the comforts of crop-harvests, no?
AJAY: Yeah, what about tasty pumpkin pie?
DESCARDO: I'd rather drink the blood of morally-complacent consumers than break bread with them!
CRUISE: Are you that opposed to peace-treaties involving mercantilism?
AJAY: What is your big disgust towards eBay?
DESCARDO: I think I've explained myself...I loathe commercial vanities.
CRUISE: We request you share with us your knowledge about axe-metallurgy.
AJAY: I know of numerous video-game and RPG fans who would appreciate your insights into 'adventure.'
DESCARDO: I suppose I could serve as a 'tutor' for RPGs involving metallurgy fantasies...
CRUISE: Why don't you send signals to NASA from your planet regarding video-game 'treaties'?
AJAY: Such a 'project' would be like a 'rehabilitation asylum' for your anarchistic mayhem and devastation.
DESCARDO: Maybe I'm being fooled or gulled by two wily 'capitalist cheerleaders.'
CRUISE: Any good 'priest' is also a well-rounded 'diplomat,' Descardo.
AJAY: Think about what you've done to frighten our First Lady (Melania Trump), a simple 'American diplomat'!
DESCARDO: Forgive me for my pre-meditated angst towards your species' explicit love for Facebook!
CRUISE: We'll forgive, but won't forget; send us those peace-treaty video-game specs from your planet.
AJAY: And remember us humans --- 'diplomats of democracy and Dianetics.'
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