Debunking the siren song of 'safe sex'

[-Cp]

Debunking the siren song of 'safe sex'

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Posted: July 22, 2005
1:00 a.m. Eastern


When it comes to drug abuse, underage drinking and smoking, recent years have seen the arrival of much-needed media campaigns and school programs designed to let kids know flat out: Do not engage. Of course, we still have much to do to curb the use of illicit drugs, but at least most adults are committed to telling kids the behavior is unacceptable.

So why should this rule not apply when it comes to teen sex?

Suddenly, the adults who were so quick, so adamant about condemning drugs, drinking and smoking begin to stammer and look at the floor. Sure, it's not good for teens to be having sex, these adults will allow, but c'mon – they're going to do it anyway. So, they say, let's tell the kids not to do it. But let's also give them some condoms and other birth-control devices and tell them how to use them. You know, just in case.

Read the rest:
http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=45394

 

[Shattered]

"Do not engage in drug use" is no more effective than "Do not have sex.".

An awful lot of parents are content to go through life with blinders on, saying "My child would never...", when fact of the matter is, they probably are, but the parents are unwilling to admit it, because admitting it means they have to confront it. Having to confront it means their child isn't perfect. Kids are far better at lying these days than parents give them credit for.. Parents will say "My child can't lie to me." Bullshit.

 

[-Cp]

"Do not engage in drug use" is no more effective than "Do not have sex.".

An awful lot of parents are content to go through life with blinders on, saying "My child would never...", when fact of the matter is, they probably are, but the parents are unwilling to admit it, because admitting it means they have to confront it. Having to confront it means their child isn't perfect. Kids are far better at lying these days than parents give them credit for.. Parents will say "My child can't lie to me." Bullshit.

My kids CAN'T lie to me or my wife... cannot... sorry.. they can't...

 

[dilloduck]

"Do not engage in drug use" is no more effective than "Do not have sex.".

An awful lot of parents are content to go through life with blinders on, saying "My child would never...", when fact of the matter is, they probably are, but the parents are unwilling to admit it, because admitting it means they have to confront it. Having to confront it means their child isn't perfect. Kids are far better at lying these days than parents give them credit for.. Parents will say "My child can't lie to me." Bullshit.

I haven't heard of any parents who tell thier kids "don't use drugs" then turn around and buy em clean needles--just in case.

 

[Shattered]

My kids CAN'T lie to me or my wife... cannot... sorry.. they can't...

Yet.

 

[Abbey Normal]

I haven't heard of any parents who tell thier kids "don't use drugs" and then turn around and buy em clean needles--just in case.

Woohoo! You have exposed the hypocrisy, using the best analogy I've seen in a long, long time.



I'm buying you a virtual beer.

 

[MissileMan]

I haven't heard of any parents who tell thier kids "don't use drugs" and then turn around and buy em clean needles--just in case.

This would be a really good analogy if the kids were born in possession of drugs. That's one reason why this argument doesn't pass muster. Another reason is that there is no "instinctual" drive to use drugs.

 

[Hobbit]

"Do not engage in drug use" is no more effective than "Do not have sex.".

An awful lot of parents are content to go through life with blinders on, saying "My child would never...", when fact of the matter is, they probably are, but the parents are unwilling to admit it, because admitting it means they have to confront it. Having to confront it means their child isn't perfect. Kids are far better at lying these days than parents give them credit for.. Parents will say "My child can't lie to me." Bullshit.

Bullcrap! Like any other negative behavior, proper discipline can prevent it and if you actually try to RAISE your kids, chances are good that they'll grow up with similar values to yours. I'm 22 and told every single day that you can't stop kids from having sex. I've had several opportunites to have sex. In fact, I've been handed some pretty big temptations (I was all but promised a night in bed by a smokin' hot girl if I went with her to this one party), but I have NEVER had sex, nor do I plan to until my wedding night.

Nobody makes excuses for fat people saying that they can't resist their carnal desires to eat. No, they're told to diet, whether they like it or not. So why is sex, an instinct far weaker than hunger, given a free pass?

 

[-Cp]

Nobody makes excuses for fat people saying that they can't resist their carnal desires to eat. No, they're told to diet, whether they like it or not. So why is sex, an instinct far weaker than hunger, given a free pass?

Sex gets a pass because the carnal minds in this world have to excuse it to make themselves feel better about their kids "doing it"...

In short, it's an easy way to pass the buck of responsibliity of the kids and the parents...

 

[Shattered]

Bullcrap! Like any other negative behavior, proper discipline can prevent it and if you actually try to RAISE your kids, chances are good that they'll grow up with similar values to yours. I'm 22 and told every single day that you can't stop kids from having sex. I've had several opportunites to have sex. In fact, I've been handed some pretty big temptations (I was all but promised a night in bed by a smokin' hot girl if I went with her to this one party), but I have NEVER had sex, nor do I plan to until my wedding night.

Nobody makes excuses for fat people saying that they can't resist their carnal desires to eat. No, they're told to diet, whether they like it or not. So why is sex, an instinct far weaker than hunger, given a free pass?

If what you say is true, you are more than likely the exception - NOT the rule.

 

[dilloduck]

This would be a really good analogy if the kids were born in possession of drugs. That's one reason why this argument doesn't pass muster. Another reason is that there is no "instinctual" drive to use drugs.

Kids Are born with a desire to fit in and be accepted by those of thier own age group however, and peer pressure is one of the most powerful influences in a young adults life. When your peers are using drugs or having sex it takes incredible courage and a strong value system to resist. It undermines a childs convictions for a parent to just assume thier child will fail just because they did.

 

[Nienna]

Most parents today know that premarital sex is out there. Most parents today have engaged in it themselves. IMO, it's only natural that a parent should want better for his/her children than what he/she experienced. It is not "hiding your head in the sand" to tell your child that this behavior is unacceptable. Perhaps, just maybe, sometimes, kids receive messages from their parents. Maybe, a parent telling his/her child not to do it sends the message that the child is too special to waste him/herself in that kind of activity.

Kids are independent people, and they make their own choices once they reach a certain age; they are influenced by many sources. But, as parents, we cannot deny that we have an influence on our kids. We have to decide what we want OUR message to be. Media, peers, Planned Parenthood, etc. are all telling kids that they are bound to do it. As for my kids, I want them to hear at least one voice crying, "DON'T!"

 

[MissileMan]

Most parents today know that premarital sex is out there. Most parents today have engaged in it themselves. IMO, it's only natural that a parent should want better for his/her children than what he/she experienced. It is not "hiding your head in the sand" to tell your child that this behavior is unacceptable. Perhaps, just maybe, sometimes, kids receive messages from their parents. Maybe, a parent telling his/her child not to do it sends the message that the child is too special to waste him/herself in that kind of activity.

Kids are independent people, and they make their own choices once they reach a certain age; they are influenced by many sources. But, as parents, we cannot deny that we have an influence on our kids. We have to decide what we want OUR message to be. Media, peers, Planned Parenthood, etc. are all telling kids that they are bound to do it. As for my kids, I want them to hear at least one voice crying, "DON'T!"

I agree with this, but I also maintain that "DON'T" alone is dangerous. We make people take a Driver's Ed. course to learn the do's and don't's, safety, and the general rules of the road before letting them operate a car.

Teenagers are already sitting behind the wheel of a Testerosa (ok, some kids are stting in Edsels) and the hormones are revving the engine. Do you want your child to be totally ignorant of all things "automoblie" when it suddenly jumps into gear?

 

[Gabriella84]

My kids CAN'T lie to me or my wife... cannot... sorry.. they can't...

Ah, poor deluded cp. You are in for an unpleasant surprise one day. :tng:

I talk to "your kids" on a daily basis. It is precisely "your kids" that are more likely to have sex than others. Because you are so restrictive and militant, your kids are more likely to rebel against your authoritarian ways. To see if they can get away with it.
I have conversed with girls from tough military families, and girls from highly conservative religious family. Their parents don't even allow them to talk about boys and dating at home. Even though they are 15 and 16.
So they invent reasons to be late from school, or to go places with friends. Where they hook up with guys and do lots of stuff you don't want to think about. They then start to feel enormously guilty, or fearful that they might be caught. So they come to counseling.
cp, your kids are probably enjoying themselves, even if you don't want them to.

 

[Gabriella84]

In fact, I've been handed some pretty big temptations (I was all but promised a night in bed by a smokin' hot girl if I went with her to this one party), but I have NEVER had sex, nor do I plan to until my wedding night.

Poor girl, I am sure she will keep trying. Do you realize how many points she would get for bedding a religious zealot? Especially if she got it on field.

 

[dilloduck]

Ah, poor deluded cp. You are in for an unpleasant surprise one day. :tng:

I talk to "your kids" on a daily basis. It is precisely "your kids" that are more likely to have sex than others. Because you are so restrictive and militant, your kids are more likely to rebel against your authoritarian ways. To see if they can get away with it.
I have conversed with girls from tough military families, and girls from highly conservative religious family. Their parents don't even allow them to talk about boys and dating at home. Even though they are 15 and 16.
So they invent reasons to be late from school, or to go places with friends. Where they hook up with guys and do lots of stuff you don't want to think about. They then start to feel enormously guilty, or fearful that they might be caught. So they come to counseling.
cp, your kids are probably enjoying themselves, even if you don't want them to.

Classic mistake Gabby---when you're constantly exposed to troubled teens you wrongly assume ALL teens are like that----any idea of how many kids are out there that you don't talk too. Do you hang around a lot of churches or other youth groups?

 

[Hobbit]

If what you say is true, you are more than likely the exception - NOT the rule.

Then how come quite a few, the majority, in fact, of the people I know are the same way, even those who are not religious? There's only one major difference between the abstinate and the non-abstinate people I know and that's that everybody I know who is abstinate was blankly told by their parents (or legal guardians) NOT to have sex while those who are not were told that they shouldn't have sex, but... It's an easy temptation to resist once you realize that it's something you should resist. In fact, I've seen some people who made a pledge to start being abstinent and stay that way until marriage simply because somebody finally told them it was possible.

Poor girl, I am sure she will keep trying. Do you realize how many points she would get for bedding a religious zealot? Especially if she got it on field.

I've got no sympathy for her, and I don't think she'll try again. When she tried to seduce me, I wouldn't even let her touch me and told her she'd have to find God and make some major adjustments to her lifestyle before I'd even consider letting her be more than a friend, and that she'd have to stick to it long enough to say vows before I'd even consider what she was keen on doing. I did end with saying that we could still be friends, but I think that made her angrier.

 

[Nienna]

I agree with this, but I also maintain that "DON'T" alone is dangerous. We make people take a Driver's Ed. course to learn the do's and don't's, safety, and the general rules of the road before letting them operate a car.

Teenagers are already sitting behind the wheel of a Testerosa (ok, some kids are stting in Edsels) and the hormones are revving the engine. Do you want your child to be totally ignorant of all things "automoblie" when it suddenly jumps into gear?

I'm not against sex education. I think people should know how their bodies work, how they reproduce, all the physical and emotional results both of their changing bodies and of the act of sex.

In drivers' ed, they are taught the how to operate the vehicle, the rules of the road, and safety precautions to take during normal driving. But not many driving instructors will say, "You're not really supposed to speed or cross the yellow line, but if you do, here are some tips to keep from getting caught."

Your last paragraph was very funny, BTW!

 

[Gabriella84]

I talk to people of all kinds -- rich, poor, Anglo, Latino, Christian and non-Christian. It is the kids in the middle who seem to get in the least amount of trouble. If your parents are ultra-permissive and give you everything you want, you tend to want more. And you have the facilities to get more.
On the other hand, the kids from repressive and ultra-strict families tend to want what they are not allowed at home. These are generally smart, well-behaved kids who are very adept at sneaking around. Not to say that ALL of them do it. But it is unlikely that you will ever find out, unless they decide to tell you, or you find out by accident. You can meet your boyfriend at a church youth group and still end up having sex with him. Or you could meet your boyfriend at a keg party and never do more than kiss him.
These decisions are always up to the kids, not their parent.

My best friend Beth went through junior high and high school with me. She probably knows more about sex and its complications than I do. She knows about safe sex, birth control, condoms, etc. Has had far more dates and boyfriends than I have. Has seen the same girls get pregnant in middle school and high school that I have. Has been exposed to the same temptations that I have. Unlike me, Beth is not religious. She doesn't believe in organized religion. Beth has had the same serious boyfriend for three years.
She's also still a virgin. At 21. Her boyfriend is 24, and is also a virgin.

 

[dilloduck]

I talk to people of all kinds -- rich, poor, Anglo, Latino, Christian and non-Christian. It is the kids in the middle who seem to get in the least amount of trouble. If your parents are ultra-permissive and give you everything you want, you tend to want more. And you have the facilities to get more.
On the other hand, the kids from repressive and ultra-strict families tend to want what they are not allowed at home. These are generally smart, well-behaved kids who are very adept at sneaking around. Not to say that ALL of them do it. But it is unlikely that you will ever find out, unless they decide to tell you, or you find out by accident. You can meet your boyfriend at a church youth group and still end up having sex with him. Or you could meet your boyfriend at a keg party and never do more than kiss him.
These decisions are always up to the kids, not their parent.

My best friend Beth went through junior high and high school with me. She probably knows more about sex and its complications than I do. She knows about safe sex, birth control, condoms, etc. Has had far more dates and boyfriends than I have. Has seen the same girls get pregnant in middle school and high school that I have. Has been exposed to the same temptations that I have. Unlike me, Beth is not religious. She doesn't believe in organized religion. Beth has had the same serious boyfriend for three years.
She's also still a virgin. At 21. Her boyfriend is 24, and is also a virgin.

so she says ! :teeth: