Dear Samantha Clause...

[Procrustes Stretched]

"Dear Samantha Clause, how have you been?"

"Samantha Clause?"

"She's the fat lady with the reindeer who brings us Christmas presents."

"With the red suit and white beard?"

"The white beard is just sort of a disguise."

"Very clever."

"How would it be if I ask her to bring you a new bicycle?"

"Why not?"

"Please bring my brother a new bicycle."

"Does Samantha Clause go, ho-ho-ho?" "Or does she just smile daintily?"

"Forget the bicycle!!"

"Get away from me you stupid Beagle!"​

 

[Procrustes Stretched]

"There were three wise men, see? They came from the east, and they were looking for Bethlehem. You know how they found it? They followed a star."

" Who was the star?"

if this doesn't sound like a conversation in a USMB thread...

"I'm going out to fall down a Christmas tree."

"You mean cut down."

"I don't know how to cut down a Christmas tree. When I look at it, I hope it'll just falls down."

 

[Procrustes Stretched]

PEACE ON EARTH

FROM LUCY
​

"Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown. At this time of the year, I think we should put away all of our differences and try to be kind."

"Why does it have to be for just this time of the year? Can't it be all year round?"

"What are you, some kind of fanatic or something?"

 

[Procrustes Stretched]

Lucy and Linus or ___________(usmb member?) and ______________(usmb member)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucy: "You have to give me a Christmas present. It says so in the Bible."

Linus: "You're bluffing. The Bible says nothing about giving Christmas presents."

Lucy: "It doesn't?"

Linus: "You can't bluff an old theologian."

--- --- --- -- -- -​

Lucy: "Here it is, here it is, I found it, I found it! I found the word 'sister' in the Bible. There it is, right there, see? There's the word 'sister' right there in the Bible."

Linus: "So?"

Lucy: "That proves you have to give me a Christmas present."

Linus: "Oh, good grief."

 

[percysunshine]

Wasn't the Samantha Clause in Darrin's prenup?

 

[Procrustes Stretched]

"It says so in the Bible!"

 

[Derideo_Te]

"It says so in the Bible!"

If the bible told you to jump off a cliff, would you do that?

 

[Procrustes Stretched]

"It says so in the Bible!"

If the bible told you to jump off a cliff, would you do that?

Of course. It's teh word of God!

 

[Derideo_Te]

"It says so in the Bible!"

If the bible told you to jump off a cliff, would you do that?

Of course. It's teh word of God!

Speaking of which, why it is that God only speaks to people who argue with lampposts and stop signs? Inquiring minds...

 

[Procrustes Stretched]

"It says so in the Bible!"

If the bible told you to jump off a cliff, would you do that?

Of course. It's teh word of God!

Speaking of which, why it is that God only speaks to people who argue with lampposts and stop signs? Inquiring minds...

he speaks to people who shit their pants too

 

[Derideo_Te]

"It says so in the Bible!"

If the bible told you to jump off a cliff, would you do that?

Of course. It's teh word of God!

Speaking of which, why it is that God only speaks to people who argue with lampposts and stop signs? Inquiring minds...

he speaks to people who shit their pants too

This is about Santa so let's try to keep Republicans out of this!