- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
- 250
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Does capitalism make us more imaginative about merchandise?
This yarn (my last one --- yup, I'm like 99% sure --- I'll miss writing) was inspired by the capitalism-symbolic films Toys and Ruthless People.
Signing off,
====
Deadpool was America's favorite vigilante, but the press wanted something offbeat from him, even though he had already performed great miracles as the holiday season approached. Deadpool had curbed the activities of a terrible opium-ring in British Columbia, apprehended a mad scientist named Dr. Evil who was conducting unnatural genetics experiments in Los Angeles, and prevented North Korea from firing nuclear missiles at the White House. However, Deadpool himself agreed that he needed to do something 'special' for the holidays, so he decided to go on a prayer-sermon campaign about women suffering miscarriages during Christmas. Deadpool talked about the power of prayer in a time when most Americans were too busy shopping for presents and jewelry.
Deadpool became the official American spokesperson for Christmas miscarriages. He talked about how women suffer incredible heartbreak during the sensitive time of Christmas when going through a miscarriage (a failed pregnancy!). Deadpool even offered white flowers for multiple women who suffered miscarriages in NYC on Christmas Eve. Deadpool was now being called a 'creative hero' by the press, and everyone (even his enemies!) had something to cheer about --- America's favorite eccentric superhero was now a prayer-giving 'priest.' It was a great holiday season in America, and sales of Hallmark Christmas cards and New Year's cards went through the roof. President Trump declared, "Everyone's a winner."
However, Deadpool's evil enemy, Slayback, wanted to thwart Deadpools 'special Christian miscarriage-prayer mission' (since it did not dissuade countless Christmas shoppers from buying jewelry and toys during the shopping-heavy season). Slayback hated capitalism (and consumerism!) and was frankly unmoved by Deadpool's miscarriage-prayer gesture for the holiday season. So, Slayback did his own Christmas 'campaign' --- the ghoul posted flyers around NYC with Nazi swastika symbols posted next to Hindu-Sanskrit swastika symbols (since the Nazi swastika was originally borrowed from Hindu iconography and 'reversed' to signify pure martial law). People wondered if Slayback's message was that for every kind of creative endeavor, there exists a 'dark side.'
Well, Deadpool was not deterred. When the new year rang in, Deadpool decided to go on a new campaign, posting pictures of the Indian 'boti' (a basic blade-and-board kitchen-tool used for cutting foods on the floor with hand-and-foot) on Facebook and writing about the consumer-item. The boti was very effective/efficient but also deadly if not used with great care, and indeed, many women in India using the boti to prepare meals in their kitchens reported suffering cuts on their hands and feet while using it. Deadpool suggested that if there is a 'dark side' to every toy, gadget, or crafted item (such as the boti!), then there would be no real room to promote optimism in shoppers. How would people feel happy about Crate & Barrel consumerism if the boti was both handy-dandy and also (sadly) dangerous? Slayback was furious.
Slayback retorted by claiming that various tools and 'consumerism items' (such as the Indian boti) were mere 'relics' of capitalism-gluttony and that they signalled a general human moral apathy towards commerce and mindless labors. Slayback suggested that mankind needed to deeply analyze the geometric foundations of good and evil (e.g., the Hindu and Nazi swastikas) to really solve the problem of 'commerce-danger riddles' (e.g., NATO/OPEC). Slayback devised a cunning little gold-metallic 'puzzle-box' for Deadpool. If Deadpool could reorient the box in such a way as to make it seem ingenious rather than deadly or sharp (since the box folded out to reveal sharp edges in certain contorted orientations), then Slayback would concede that imagination could conquer pain.
Deadpool not only solved Slayback's puzzle-box challenge, but he also posted pictures of the solved box on Facebook and used the solved-box pictures to complement his miscarriage-prayer sermons the following Christmas. It was a terrific victory for consumerism, toy-shopping, imagination (in general), and of course, kitchen-tools! Women across America sang of Deadpool's praises, and the eccentric superhero/vigilante declared himself the 'Messenger of Consumerism Utopia.' President Trump himself declared, "Deadpool has reminded us that shopping for toys and tools during Christmas has to be neither mindless nor crude!" Slayback retreated in humiliation, and he always remembered how the clever Deadpool had outwitted him with a very 'human' gesture promoting the 'giddiness' of capitalism.
====
This yarn (my last one --- yup, I'm like 99% sure --- I'll miss writing) was inspired by the capitalism-symbolic films Toys and Ruthless People.
Signing off,
====
Deadpool was America's favorite vigilante, but the press wanted something offbeat from him, even though he had already performed great miracles as the holiday season approached. Deadpool had curbed the activities of a terrible opium-ring in British Columbia, apprehended a mad scientist named Dr. Evil who was conducting unnatural genetics experiments in Los Angeles, and prevented North Korea from firing nuclear missiles at the White House. However, Deadpool himself agreed that he needed to do something 'special' for the holidays, so he decided to go on a prayer-sermon campaign about women suffering miscarriages during Christmas. Deadpool talked about the power of prayer in a time when most Americans were too busy shopping for presents and jewelry.
Deadpool became the official American spokesperson for Christmas miscarriages. He talked about how women suffer incredible heartbreak during the sensitive time of Christmas when going through a miscarriage (a failed pregnancy!). Deadpool even offered white flowers for multiple women who suffered miscarriages in NYC on Christmas Eve. Deadpool was now being called a 'creative hero' by the press, and everyone (even his enemies!) had something to cheer about --- America's favorite eccentric superhero was now a prayer-giving 'priest.' It was a great holiday season in America, and sales of Hallmark Christmas cards and New Year's cards went through the roof. President Trump declared, "Everyone's a winner."
However, Deadpool's evil enemy, Slayback, wanted to thwart Deadpools 'special Christian miscarriage-prayer mission' (since it did not dissuade countless Christmas shoppers from buying jewelry and toys during the shopping-heavy season). Slayback hated capitalism (and consumerism!) and was frankly unmoved by Deadpool's miscarriage-prayer gesture for the holiday season. So, Slayback did his own Christmas 'campaign' --- the ghoul posted flyers around NYC with Nazi swastika symbols posted next to Hindu-Sanskrit swastika symbols (since the Nazi swastika was originally borrowed from Hindu iconography and 'reversed' to signify pure martial law). People wondered if Slayback's message was that for every kind of creative endeavor, there exists a 'dark side.'
Well, Deadpool was not deterred. When the new year rang in, Deadpool decided to go on a new campaign, posting pictures of the Indian 'boti' (a basic blade-and-board kitchen-tool used for cutting foods on the floor with hand-and-foot) on Facebook and writing about the consumer-item. The boti was very effective/efficient but also deadly if not used with great care, and indeed, many women in India using the boti to prepare meals in their kitchens reported suffering cuts on their hands and feet while using it. Deadpool suggested that if there is a 'dark side' to every toy, gadget, or crafted item (such as the boti!), then there would be no real room to promote optimism in shoppers. How would people feel happy about Crate & Barrel consumerism if the boti was both handy-dandy and also (sadly) dangerous? Slayback was furious.
Slayback retorted by claiming that various tools and 'consumerism items' (such as the Indian boti) were mere 'relics' of capitalism-gluttony and that they signalled a general human moral apathy towards commerce and mindless labors. Slayback suggested that mankind needed to deeply analyze the geometric foundations of good and evil (e.g., the Hindu and Nazi swastikas) to really solve the problem of 'commerce-danger riddles' (e.g., NATO/OPEC). Slayback devised a cunning little gold-metallic 'puzzle-box' for Deadpool. If Deadpool could reorient the box in such a way as to make it seem ingenious rather than deadly or sharp (since the box folded out to reveal sharp edges in certain contorted orientations), then Slayback would concede that imagination could conquer pain.
Deadpool not only solved Slayback's puzzle-box challenge, but he also posted pictures of the solved box on Facebook and used the solved-box pictures to complement his miscarriage-prayer sermons the following Christmas. It was a terrific victory for consumerism, toy-shopping, imagination (in general), and of course, kitchen-tools! Women across America sang of Deadpool's praises, and the eccentric superhero/vigilante declared himself the 'Messenger of Consumerism Utopia.' President Trump himself declared, "Deadpool has reminded us that shopping for toys and tools during Christmas has to be neither mindless nor crude!" Slayback retreated in humiliation, and he always remembered how the clever Deadpool had outwitted him with a very 'human' gesture promoting the 'giddiness' of capitalism.
====
