dead beat parents

[ncarolinadixie]

Pale.....thanks!!! A dear dear friend made that for me just before we lost her to cancer a couple of years ago.

"Then there is "post majority" support which is intended to help with college expenses."

Amen...we got hit with that with my husbands son. Thing is, the judge handling the case was a "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" type of guy. The ex c*^T (and she is the ONLY woman I would ever call this) tried to go after my husband for 987.00 a month to pay for EVERYTHING!! You're talking about a kid that was on the Honor Roll all through High School. Made some kind of special honor roll given by the Governor I think it is in Wisconsin. Could have gotten scholarships enough to carry him all the way through college. The judge hit the freakin ceilin when the c**t told him that they NEVER applied for anything because SHE felt that my husband should have to pay it all. You're talking about a man who paid 673.00 a month for 10 years without fail, never late, never missed a payment..nothing. The judges ruling....he pointed at my husband and told him he would be responsible for 1/3, pointed at the c**t told her she would be responsible for 1/3, and pointed at Jess and told him he would be responsible for the remainder. Needless to say, Jess was on the phone with us within a week asking for help applying for scholarships and grants. We got his portion paid in full by doing so. He's graduated now, but the funniest thing about the whole situation was that we had offered to send him MORE per month that what we were ordered to pay by the courts before she ever filed the suit for the Supplemental Educational Support.

 

[ncarolinadixie]

"Like the woman that keeps getting beat up by an abusive boy friend, husband, whatever, and then when told to get away from him, she say's, "but I love him." That just makes my head explode. "

There is so much behind this kind of thing that just defies normal reasoning. Women are torn down and what they become mentally is really a hard thing for someone who has never experienced it to understand. It's simple to say "just leave the bum". All to often it's happened in such a way that the woman is actually made to feel that it's her fault. That she can change him if she just does things the right way or more to his qualifications. If a woman is strong enough to get out when it first starts they do good. But if they're not....they begin to believe that they can't leave. That they can't do any better. He threatens her family, their kids, her with death and she believes it to the point that basic primal fear keeps her there. There is just so much more in the majority of these cases than just "getting out." But I understand what you're saying. It can be very frustrating. Especially when you know the person. Getting them out from under the "control" is always the hardest part. That's why a lot of these women are spirited away while the man is at work or asleep or something like that. It becomes the ONLY way you can really get them to leave. When HE is no where around to exert the "control". But there are an awfully lot of success stories and that's what makes it all worth it in the end.

 

[007]

"Like the woman that keeps getting beat up by an abusive boy friend, husband, whatever, and then when told to get away from him, she say's, "but I love him." That just makes my head explode. "

There is so much behind this kind of thing that just defies normal reasoning. Women are torn down and what they become mentally is really a hard thing for someone who has never experienced it to understand. It's simple to say "just leave the bum". All to often it's happened in such a way that the woman is actually made to feel that it's her fault. That she can change him if she just does things the right way or more to his qualifications. If a woman is strong enough to get out when it first starts they do good. But if they're not....they begin to believe that they can't leave. That they can't do any better. He threatens her family, their kids, her with death and she believes it to the point that basic primal fear keeps her there. There is just so much more in the majority of these cases than just "getting out." But I understand what you're saying. It can be very frustrating. Especially when you know the person. Getting them out from under the "control" is always the hardest part. That's why a lot of these women are spirited away while the man is at work or asleep or something like that. It becomes the ONLY way you can really get them to leave. When HE is no where around to exert the "control". But there are an awfully lot of success stories and that's what makes it all worth it in the end.

I think you did a really good job of explaining the intricacies of those situations.

I know "men are from Mars and women are from Venus," , so I really can't know how women think when they're in a harmful situation. All I know is how I feel as a man, and like I said, any man that habitually beats his woman, girl friend, wife, and add to that threatens to kill her, her family and/or kids, deserves a bullet.

If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to donate a substantial amount of my winnings to the prevention of abuse, of any kind, in the home.

One time a long time ago I was outside a bar at bar time with my 'best friend' and his girl friend. We were all a little liquored up but he decided he had to smack her around a little bit. I said "hey, you don't need to do that." He said "keep your nose out of it." She was crying and he hit her again and I stepped in. Being a good foot taller than he was I said, "if you need to hit somebody, hit me mother fucker." He didn't. His bullying seemed to end real fast faced with somebody big enough to kick his ass. That even made me madder, so I pushed him and called him a piece of shit, pussy, girl hitting, jerk off. Needless to say our friendship was over, but, I did start dating his "ex" girl friend. Her name was Heidi. She was a very sweet girl.

 

[strollingbones]

hmm friend of mine..got married...brought a business...house..living the american dream...suddenly he left her for another woman....she is 4 and half months preggies...no one saw this happening at all

 

[007]

hmm friend of mine..got married...brought a business...house..living the american dream...suddenly he left her for another woman....she is 4 and half months preggies...no one saw this happening at all

Sounds like the preggie had something to do with it. She may have secretly stopped taking her birth control and "surprised" hubby with... "I'm pregnant!" I could understand him being pissed.

 

[asaratis]

hmm friend of mine..got married...brought a business...house..living the american dream...suddenly he left her for another woman....she is 4 and half months preggies...no one saw this happening at all

I think a man that abandons a pregnant woman is lower than whale shit.

 

[Phoenix]

I think a man that abandons a pregnant woman is lower than whale shit.

As are women who get pregnant specifically to try to keep or control a man. Or those who use the children as leverage in the event of a split.

 

[kwc57]

hmm friend of mine..got married...brought a business...house..living the american dream...suddenly he left her for another woman....she is 4 and half months preggies...no one saw this happening at all

Sounds like the preggie had something to do with it. She may have secretly stopped taking her birth control and "surprised" hubby with... "I'm pregnant!" I could understand him being pissed.

Or he was turned off at the thought of being married to a mother of a needy baby instead of a hot wife who would attend to his needs.

 

[ncarolinadixie]

Pale...thank you for stepping in. A lot of people would have just turned their back on the situation and felt it was none of their business. You saw the true worth of an abuser when you confronted him. It's all about power with an abuser. When someone has the balls to stand up to them they have no power. They have no hold over that person. That's why you see so many women who are in abusive relationships live a life of almost total solitude other than the "man" (and I use that term loosely) They aren't allowed to have friends, their every move is monitored, for the most part they're never allowed anywhere without him there to keep her under "control". They know that is she is allowed to get away from that control then they've lost it. What always broke my heart was the ones that, regardless of how hard we tried, went back. It was all they knew and of course they allowed themselves to be snowed by promises and declarations of love that were given only to get her back under that control. It's sad to have to watch someone come so far only to fall right back into the trap and cycle of abuse.

 

[JakeStarkey]

A woman who deliberately gets pregnant without the man's knowledge and a man who leaves an unexpectedly pregnant woman are both scum, period, in my book.

 

[Mr. H.]

States have differing laws with respect to support and separate maintenance. Then there is "post majority" support which is intended to help with college expenses. Yeah, responsible parties should be held responsible- but those receiving the support should be required to spend the money for the benefit of the children. There's nothing guaranteeing that kids will benefit.

It's a happy thought, but not realistic.

Especially if the custodial parent remarries someone with a high income. The support is still based on the non-custodial parent's income, regardless of the combined income of the custodial parent and their new spouse.

So many times the non-custodial parent is scrambling to care for their own family (if they remarry, etc.) while still paying support to their ex. When said ex goes on cruises, buys new houses, property, automobiles, boats, quit their jobs, etc. - it's a little bit hard to swallow.

But no one guaranteed life would be fair, right?

Exactly.

 

[RadiomanATL]

Sorry, I read the thread title wrong. I thought this was a halloween/zombie thread.

"Beat dead parents".

I see I was wrong.

Continue.