Darin's Reflections On Spousal Friendship

[dmp]

I can't believe three of among the smartest people I know on this board are having such trouble with very simple concepts of 'labels' and 'duties' and shit.

 

[misterblu]

Sharing details of MY marital spats with a few close friends SAVED my married.

That was more than a 'spat'... I suppose we should define 'spat' first though. :

 

[misterblu]

I can't believe three of among the smartest people I know on this board are having such trouble with very simple concepts of 'labels' and 'duties' and shit.

We're not having trouble. We just realize that word = label in this instance.

http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:6dNomuXVVcEJ:www.m-w.com/dictionary/label+a+descriptive+or+identifying+word+or+phrase&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=2

 

[The ClayTaurus]

I can't believe three of among the smartest people I know on this board are having such trouble with very simple concepts of 'labels' and 'duties' and shit.

I have no conceptual shit problems!

 

[dmp]

We're not having trouble. We just realize that word = label in this instance.

http://72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:6dNomuXVVcEJ:www.m-w.com/dictionary/label+a+descriptive+or+identifying+word+or+phrase&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=2

It's a simple case of you guys being stuck on things that 'brief well' such as "Marry your best friend!!" and shit.

Saying "My wife is my BEST FRIEND" sure sounds nice, doesn't it?

But it's BS. A wife in a GOOD marriage...in a REAL marriage (good and real as defined by dmp) is So much MORE and DIFFERENT than a best friend.

5stringJeff was just in my office - he understands now.

 

[Joz]

Personally, I think that sharing the details of marital spats, with others outside of a marriage, creates more problems than it's worth.

Unless it is a trusted counselor/clergy, someone neutral

 

[Joz]

Men are the 'house-bands' of the family. It is one of his jobs to the bind the mother and children together as the family unit. The family circle should be guarded carefully. No one should be allowed to intrude.

 

[dmp]

Unless it is a trusted counselor/clergy, someone neutral

...neutral and trusted like a....(wait for it...)

(c'mon....)


(waiiiiiiiiit...)


Best friend?

 

[The ClayTaurus]

It's a simple case of you guys being stuck on things that 'brief well' such as "Marry your best friend!!" and shit.

Saying "My wife is my BEST FRIEND" sure sounds nice, doesn't it?

But it's BS. A wife in a GOOD marriage...in a REAL marriage (good and real as defined by dmp) is So much MORE and DIFFERENT than a best friend.

5stringJeff was just in my office - he understands now.

So then your spouse IS your best friend, but also more.

 

[dmp]

So then your spouse IS your best friend, but also more.

No - she's the person who knows me most/best...but not a best friend. A Best Friend is somebody else.

 

[5stringJeff]

No - she's the person who knows me most/best...but not a best friend. A Best Friend is somebody else.

And herein is where Darin and I had a ten-minute discussion about the terms "best friend," "close friend," and what not.

When Darin says "Best Friend," he means "neutral, trusted confidant." We both agreed that a spouse has all of those qualities which a close friend has: trust, common interests, and the enjoyment of being around each other. Darin's point is that someone has to have a "Best Friend" apart from one's spouse.

Darin, correct me if I'm wrong on this.

 

[dmp]

And herein is where Darin and I had a ten-minute discussion about the terms "best friend," "close friend," and what not.

When Darin says "Best Friend," he means "neutral, trusted confidant." We both agreed that a spouse has all of those qualities which a close friend has: trust, common interests, and the enjoyment of being around each other. Darin's point is that someone has to have a "Best Friend" apart from one's spouse.

Darin, correct me if I'm wrong on this.

That's pretty much it.

 

[The ClayTaurus]

So D has a different definition for "best friend" than the rest of us. Ok.

 

[dmp]

So D has a different definition for "best friend" than the rest of us. Ok.

No - D thinks words 'Mean Something'.

A "Best Friend" is not 'a close friend' - it's somebody's BEST, Most-Trusted Friend - perhaps a body who knows things even one's SPOUSE doesn't.

 

[Joz]

...neutral and trusted like a....(wait for it...)
(c'mon....)(waiiiiiiiiit...)Best friend?

Uh, no.
Most, but not all, 'best friend' take sides. Rare is the friend who can look at you when you've told them something & say, " you're full of sh*t"; you're spouse is right on this one." We choose friends as a support system, people we have something in common with, people we like. We never meet a person & say, "Wow, that guy r-e-a-l-l-y irritates me; I think I'll see if we can be friends".

And too, as I mentioned to Nienna, some things could prove to be embarrassing in a family or friendly gathering, should some private matter of confidentiality slip out. And I have known people to let it "slip out" purposely.

All I'm saying is, there is a very fine line here.

 

[dmp]

Uh, no.
Most, but not all, 'best friend' take sides. Rare is the friend who can look at you when you've told them something & say, " you're full of sh*t"; you're spouse is right on this one." We choose friends as a support system, people we have something in common with, people we like. We never meet a person & say, "Wow, that guy r-e-a-l-l-y irritates me; I think I'll see if we can be friends".

And too, as I mentioned to Nienna, some things could prove to be embarrassing in a family or friendly gathering, should some private matter of confidentiality slip out. And I have known people to let it "slip out" purposely.

All I'm saying is, there is a very fine line here.

I would NEVER have a best friend who didn't have the scrote to tell me when I'm full of shit. Best friends OWE it to one-another to be honest. Some of my closest friends are those with whom I have fundamental differences. If I wanted somebody to take sides, should I need advice about my wife, I'd confide in Mary.

 

[Joz]

I would NEVER have a best friend who didn't have the scrote to tell me when I'm full of shit. Best friends OWE it to one-another to be honest. Some of my closest friends are those with whom I have fundamental differences. If I wanted somebody to take sides, should I need advice about my wife, I'd confide in Mary.

Then I'd hang on to that friend, for they are rare, indeed.

 

[misterblu]

It's a simple case of you guys being stuck on things that 'brief well' such as "Marry your best friend!!" and shit.

Saying "My wife is my BEST FRIEND" sure sounds nice, doesn't it?

But it's BS. A wife in a GOOD marriage...in a REAL marriage (good and real as defined by dmp) is So much MORE and DIFFERENT than a best friend.

5stringJeff was just in my office - he understands now.

What does that have to do with the difference between a 'word game' and a 'label game'? I think you've lost track of what I was referring to.

I understand fully that your definition of a wife in a good marriage = best friend + more. That means that your wife, by definition, is your best friend. She is also more than that. One doesn't preclude the other. Neat how that works eh? :duh3:

Either way, it's just a word game.

 

[misterblu]

...neutral and trusted like a....(wait for it...)

(c'mon....)


(waiiiiiiiiit...)


Best friend?

Best friends are almost never neutral. Sorry, we may try to be, but we aren't.

You can't be entirely neutral if you have a relationship with either of the parties involved. Last time I checked, a friendship is a type of relationship.

 

[Joz]

Do you know why the average couple seeks counselling?

It isn't because they want to repair/save their marriage. Each one wants to prove they are right.