Nobama2022
NoBAMA 2012
- Jul 27, 2009
- 2
- 1
- 1
Washington, DC -- June 23, 2009
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.
The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000
yearly salary, and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures
and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 3
months.
It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the
President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost
savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We
cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai,
India, will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were
vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY; thus making him eligible for the
position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no
health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer
call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.
"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President,
this should not be a problem as Obama had never been familiar with the
issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses,
he can address common concerns without having to understand the
underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated
the spokesperson.
"Obama has used them successfully for years, with the result that some
people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."
Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will
be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately
he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits
will exceed the allowed limit.
Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower,
Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition. According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in
securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work
experience during his lifetime.
A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Obama's extensive
experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.
The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000
yearly salary, and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures
and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 3
months.
It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the
President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost
savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We
cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai,
India, will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were
vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY; thus making him eligible for the
position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no
health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer
call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.
"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President,
this should not be a problem as Obama had never been familiar with the
issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses,
he can address common concerns without having to understand the
underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated
the spokesperson.
"Obama has used them successfully for years, with the result that some
people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."
Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will
be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately
he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits
will exceed the allowed limit.
Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower,
Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition. According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in
securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work
experience during his lifetime.
A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Obama's extensive
experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.
