Classes for men

Discussion in 'Humor' started by CSM, Feb 10, 2005.

  1. CSM
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    CSM Senior Member

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    Got this from a female relative...I have no idea what she is hinting at:

    CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LOCAL LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS - REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY February 28th.
    NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZE WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

    Class 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays. Step-by-step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Class 2: The Toilet Paper Roll. Does it Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday at 12:00 for 2 hours.

    Class 3: Is It Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat and Avoiding the Floor/Walls and Nearby Bathtub? Group Practice.

    Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. (Note: this class meets at Irish's Brew Pub on 16th Street)

    Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor. Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meeting are Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

    Class 5: After Dinner Dishes. Can They Levitate and Fly Into the Kitchen Sink? Video - Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

    Class 6: Loss of Identity - Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other.
    Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.

    Class 7: Learning How to Find Things - Starting with looking in the right places instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.

    Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours
    !
    Class 8: Health Watch - Bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and Audio Tapes Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 9: Real Men ask for Directions When Lost. Real Life Testimonials.
    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

    Class 10: Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly while she parallel parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours..

    Class 11: Learning to Live - Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
    Online Classes and role-playing

    Class 12: How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing techniques. Proper techniques for holding her purse. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Class 13: How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going to be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
     
  2. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    AWhile ago, gop_Jeff and I replied with 'classes for women'....I can't find it though...so, I'll wing it:


    CLASSES FOR WOMEN AT THE LOCAL LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS -

    REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY February 28th.
    NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZE WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

    Class 1: How to Fill Up the Ice Cube Trays. Step-by-step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Class 2: Your Car's Oil: It Doesn't it Change Itself. Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday at 12:00 for 2 hours.

    Class 3: Bathroom Science: The Seat goes back UP.
    Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. (Note: this class meets at Irish's Brew Pub on 16th Street)

    Class 4: Spacial Relations Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor: "Close" counts in MORE than Hand Grenades. Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meeting are Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

    Class 5: After Dinner Dishes - How to get the dishes done without making too much damn noise. - Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

    Class 6: Loss of Identity - Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other.
    Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.

    Class 7: Learning How to Find Things - Starting with Putting Stuff back on the Garage floor, so he can FIND IT again.

    Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours !

    Class 8: Health Watch - Bringing 'him' beer is not harmful to 'your' health. Graphics and Audio Tapes Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 9: Real Women, When Lost, Keep their trap Shut. Real Life Testimonials.
    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

    Class 10: How To Parallel Parks. Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours..

    Class 11: Learning to Live - He's not your Dad, or your Son - but take care of him as if he is.
    Online Classes and role-playing

    Class 12: How to Shop: 1 Item, 1 Store, 10 Minutes. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
     
  3. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    I think most of these problems could be solved with these two classes.

    For men: Women like it when you talk to them and listen to what they say.

    Featured exercise: Repeating what she said back to her in your own words until she says, "Yes, that's what I said." (even if you still disagree with her, at least she'll know that you did so with a perfect understanding of her point of view. It really works.)

    For women: The male ego: It's there for a reason. Either put it on a very long leash or leave it alone.

    Featured exercise: How not to neuter your significant other, an interactive experience. (Asking a guy to take care of the kids is acceptable. Asking him to change diapers in public is not. Asking a guy to stop and ask directions is typically unnacceptable. Asking him to stop and check a map is a good comprimise. Asking a guy to even touch your purse when in view of somebody else is just plain wrong. Poke until you find the line and then just don't cross it.)
     
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  4. Shattered
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    Class 5: After Dinner Dishes - How to get the dishes done without making too much damn noise. - Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

    Here's a freebie for ya.. The noise means "Get off your dead ass and get in here and help me. There's no reason I should be doing this while you're sitting on your ass in front of the TV. I work all day, too."

    :)
     
  5. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    But she doesn't work all day... :)
     
  6. Shattered
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    She does if the house is clean, the groceries are bought, the kids are taken care, of and the laundry is done. :)
     
  7. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    ...Do I have the option of putting on 'Shrek' for my boss, and taking a nap while she watches it?

    ...Do I have the option of sitting at my desk in my robe until noon?

    ...Do I have the option of sending my coworkers to play at OTHER employees cubicles so I can take a long hot bath?

    ;)
     
  8. Shattered
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    Oh, God, no! Not a BATH! My goodness! The horror of it all! :halo:

    I'm just telling you what the banging usually means...:)

    Cook breakfast.
    Do the dishes.
    Cook lunch.
    Do the dishes.
    Cook dinner.
    Do the dishes.
    Do the laundry.
    Clean the house.
    Grocery shop.
    Run errands.
    Entertain the kids.
    Entertain the husband.
    If the kids are in school, that comes with a whole list of new tasks...

    Women really don't have it any harder than men (especially if the men have an office job), and vice-versa.
     
  9. dmp
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    dmp Senior Member

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    I've done the stay-at-home dad thing...I know what's involved. I never indicated what she did wasn't work...I'm saying she doesn't work 'all' day. Remember, it's FUN to hang out with kids. The things I've missed in their lives because i've been away sorta suck...however, we're just glad at least one of us can stay home with them.

    :D
     
  10. Shattered
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    I agree that it's fun to "hang out" with the kids.. But there's the normal parts of childhood.. bickering, illness, boredom, temper tantrums, whining.. etc. Those are more work than fun...
     

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