CIA Finds significant problems with record keeping

eagle1462010

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May 17, 2013
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LANGLEY, VA—A report released Tuesday by the CIA's Office of the Inspector General revealed that the CIA has mistakenly obscured hundreds of thousands of pages of critical intelligence information with black highlighters.

According to the report, sections of the documents— "almost invariably the most crucial passages"—are marred by an indelible black ink that renders the lines impossible to read, due to a top-secret highlighting policy that began at the agency's inception in 1947.

Goss added: "There was probably some really, really important information in these documents."

"I'm sure the CIA played major roles in all these things," Goss said. "But now we'll never know for sure."

In addition to clouding the historical record, the use of the black highlighters, also known as "permanent markers," may have encumbered or even prevented critical operations. CIA scholar Matthew Franks was forced to abandon work on a book about the Bay Of Pigs invasion after declassified documents proved nearly impossible to read.

"With all the highlighting in the documents I unearthed in the National Archives, it's really no wonder that the invasion failed," Franks said. "I don't see how the field operatives and commandos were expected to decipher their orders."

"It is unclear exactly why CIA bureaucrats sometimes chose to emphasize entire documents," the report read. "Perhaps the documents were extremely important in every detail, or the agents, not unlike college freshmen, were overwhelmed by the reading material and got a little carried away."

https://politics.theonion.com/cia-realizes-its-been-using-black-highlighters-all-thes-1819568147

skye
 
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https://politics.theonion.com/kid-who-mowed-white-house-lawn-to-flip-on-trump-1826806871

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision represented what was best for himself and for the nation, Frank Giaccio, the 11-year-old boy best known for mowing the White House lawn last September, told reporters Wednesday that he has decided to flip on Trump. “After extensive discussion with my legal representatives, I’ve realized that the right move for me is to cooperate with the special counsel and tell them everything I gleaned about the president while mowing the Rose Garden lawn late last year,” said Giaccio, explaining that as he watered a row of tulips close to an open West Wing window, he overheard the commander in chief reveal potentially incriminating information related to his finances, undisclosed interactions with foreign agents, and his intentions while firing former FBI director James Comey. “The stakes surrounding this case are higher than ever, and it’s time for me to cooperate. Despite my choice, I remain steadfast that neither I nor my lawn-mowing company have done anything wrong.” At press time, sources close to the special counsel stressed that Giaccio had no choice but to cooperate after the FBI raided his house and seized his lawnmower and safety goggles.

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