This is a story that any Liberal would love. A story about a baby that was born over 2000 years ago in a manger to a family that had been uprooted and forced to leave their home and travel to the city of their birth because of a massive government mandate. And it's all because of taxes.
Talk about unintended consequences.
It's a story of a carpenter, Joseph, and his young wife, Mary, compelled to travel to the city of his birth to participate in a census. The purpose of the census was to assist the government in setting up a tax-code that would balance the government's massive budget.
The government of Cesar Augustus was going into a hole, so it was felt that the people had to be counted in order to be properly taxed. Consequently the government of Cesar Augustus felt that what better way to count them then to count them in the city of their birth, not where they live. After all, that is where the records are kept of live births.
Now, I know what you're saying. Why just the husband's city and not Mary's. Well, back then, women were like chattel, like a goat or a camel. They weren't considered to be complete human-beings, similar to the way Muslims consider women today. Back then they were lucky to even have some guy give them their hand in marriage, much less a name. Perhaps this explains why our savior, of which this story is about, wasn't named Jesus Goldstein. Back then they didn't go by a last name, but by a first name and the name of the city of his birth. Jesus was known as Jesus of Nazereth.
I guess Joseph felt it was better to lie about the city of Jesus's birth to protect him. After all when King Herrod was told about the coming of a king who would be born into the city of David, Bethlehem, well, he wanted to remove any threats to his throne. So his solution was to kill every first born male child in the city of David. Little did he know that his son would eventually participate in the death of this king years later. Even foolishly in a drunken stooper allow this king an opportunity to save himself, of which he would refuse.
But back to the my tale.
So an entire country was thrown into turmoil because of an insane government mandate. Everyone who had moved from the city of their birth had to return just so they could be taxed. I know that sucks but the government needs it's taxes. They must be allowed to continue their work. After all, the government is providing a service to the people. They must spread the wealth, take care of the poor, feed children, be kind to puppies. That kind of thing.
Joseph and Mary finally get to Bethlehem and because they had to travel so slowly, due to Mary's condition, they arrived late in the night. All of the rooms at all of the inns were already taken. After asking at every inn they could find and being turned away, one kind innkeeper took mercy on them and showed them to a barn, or back in those days it was called a manger, and said they could stay there for the night. She brought in plenty of fresh straw, which was a Godsend because if you've ever smelt fresh straw, it's better then Febreze. It smells kind of nutty and Earthy. To anyone who's slept in a freshly packed straw bed it literally makes you sleep better just smelling it. So things weren't all that bad out in the barn for Mary and Joseph. Much better then smelling all of the stale wine and sweaty travelers at the inn.
By this time Mary was about to pop, so they arrived just in time. Outside a star appeared and shown directly over the manger it seemed, showing the way to other travelers who started arriving. You see angels had been telling shepherds in the surrounding countryside, "Come see the newborn king". "Tis Christ the Lord". They started showing up and thankfully Mary with the help of the innkeeper had given birth to the baby they named Jesus, and was resting comfortably.
3 Kings also arrived that had traveled far because of the prophecy bearing gifts for the new king. Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh.
These were very precious gifts at the time. Gold wasn't worth what it is today but during those days the government taxed everyone to death so owning a lot of gold wasn't a good idea. Only kings and the extremely wealth could keep their gold because they had shelters they could use to avoid taxation. So Gold wasn't exactly the gift it seemed, that is if they wanted to declare it. Joseph and Mary were a Middle-class family owning a small business, and later decided to go to Egypt to avoid the wrath of King Herrod, and avoid the evil Roman government, thus avoiding taxation of this gift.
So taxes made this story possible when you look at it closer. Taxes caused this family to move during a pregnancy, and to avoid taxes they moved outside the country. So this is really a story about taxes. Maybe it should be celebrated as tax day by those who have a problem with Christians. I haven't thought up a name for this new holiday yet but I'll get back with you. Right now I need another bit of that Christmas cheer and egg-nog.
Merry Christmas
