Christmas humor

Votto · Dec 22, 2019

A Husband and Wife are Christmas Shopping at a busy shopping centre. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do she called him on his mobile.

The wife said "Where are you, you know we have lots to do." He said "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace?
I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"

Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up …

"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.

"Well I am in the motorcycle shop next door to that.

Votto · Dec 22, 2019

Votto · Dec 22, 2019

Votto · Dec 22, 2019

Democrats are like Christmas lights. They are costly, they hang together, half of them don't work, and none of them are too bright.

petro · Dec 22, 2019

petro · Dec 22, 2019

petro · Dec 22, 2019

Votto · Dec 23, 2019

I said Merry Christmas to a feminist the other day.

My trial is next Monday.

Weatherman2020 · Dec 24, 2019

Wyld Kard · Dec 25, 2019

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.