Christmas fruitcake recipe

ScreamingEagle

Gold Member
Jul 5, 2004
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Fruitcake
A friend e-mailed me this recipe. Also good with rum.

Ingredients

1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
3 tablespoons lemon juice
1 cup nuts
1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.

Who likes fruitcake anyway?

Musical vershon: http://www.dobhran.com/humor/GRhumor10.htm
 
ScreamingEagle said:
Fruitcake
A friend e-mailed me this recipe. Also good with rum.

Ingredients

1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
3 tablespoons lemon juice
1 cup nuts
1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off mixer. Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.

Who likes fruitcake anyway?


:rotflmao:
 
LOL, when I saw the title, I thought, 'humor', now I'm sure of it! :laugh:
 
Kathianne said:
LOL, when I saw the title, I thought, 'humor', now I'm sure of it! :laugh:

Guess it should have gone under the humor section....but I'll expand here a little upon the topic to keep it in the Food & Wine section:

Did you know that there is a Fruitcake Subculture Conspiracy? A fruitcake Underground?

Somewhere in the recent past, society took a turn and a long-standing holiday tradition was transformed into a joke. So complete was this societal change that those daring to speak up for or defend fruitcake were virtually stoned by an angry mob. Fruitcake lovers were outcast, rejected and ridiculed by popular culture. So vitriolic was the anti-fruitcake feeling that those with differing views were forced to quietly seek out others who, like them, still appreciated the fruitcake. Soon, the outcasts began to find each other, and so, the fruitcake subculture was formed.

It may surprise you how many people number themselves among the Fruitcake Underground. Just tell a fruitcake joke to a group of people and carefully watch the reactions. Oh yes, there will more than likely be one or more people in the group laughing nervously, trying to blend in without making a scene, wondering if anyone will ever come to the rescue of the defamed fruitcake.

Other evidence is the amount of fruitcake out there in the world, and it is spreading. Right now, someone somewhere (maybe even someone you know) is enjoying a dense, moist piece of fruit-and-nut-laden, spirit-drenched cake behind closed doors, and probably feeling a little guilty about it.

I can tell you, after extensive research, that the movement is about to come out of the basement. Fruitcake is about to become the next great thing in the world of special occasion food items. The movement has firm roots in many areas of food manufacturing and marketing, as well as suspected endorsements from many famous chefs and food critics. That's right, fruitcake is on its way back in. It's almost conspiratorial the way everything is falling into place. Have you noticed the abundance of dried fruits available in your local markets these days? Not your nuclear green candied fruit substances, but real dried fruits. They are even putting them in the cereal to get you acclimated to them. And where did the dried cranberries come from? It's all part of the plan.

The next step is to gain broad acceptance by changing the name. Let's face it. The term "fruitcake" has all kinds of negative associations. But what about Jack Daniels Bourbon Cake? Or Meyer's Rum Cake? Yesterday, I saw the first of these commercially marketed fruitcakes in the holiday section of the gourmet grocery store in my town.

What can you do to stop it? It's too late to try - it's already gone too far. So just embrace it; give it a try. Who knows, you may actually like some of these cakes. The new cakes blend the best of the new world with the best of the old world. Gone are the crazy candied fruits, and in are the modern dry fruits. Don't hide this in your closet anymore. Dice it up into small squares and dip it into chocolate for some delicious treats. With the outstanding shelf life built in to a fruitcake, what do you have to lose?

Basic Fruitcake recipe
http://www.texascooking.com/features/nov2002makingfruitcakerecipe.htm

Also, did you know there is even a (gasp!) "Church of the Besotted Fruitcake"? :laugh:
http://forums.gardenweb.com/forums/load/harvest/msg101344176362.html
 
Way too funny!! I can't stand fruitcake...yuk
SE your on a roll... :laugh:
 

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