Christians - does your church prepare you for marriage?

[The ClayTaurus]

Outside help, professional type.

If the other person is unwilling, though, it makes it difficult. I think in that case, you either need to accept it or leave.

 

[Bonnie]

I will revert to a previous post I made.

Both people should want what is best for the other person. Therefore, if one person "stops loving," then my theory has broken down.

How can you have a relationship of either one of the people have "stopped loving?"

Marriage is a two person thing - both people "in love" and "loving." If one person stops..and the other person has done everything in their power to fix it but still can't, there isn't much hope for them.

That's assuming one person has no culpability and the other is completely at fault. People can fall out of love if there is anger or resentment that builds up and is never addressed. But I think your right that if it comes to a point that everything possible has been done to save the marriage and one person is not in it 100% there doesn't seem to be much hope.

 

[Nienna]

But what does that mean... not much hope? Conservatives are generally for restrictions on divorce, especially Christians. But it still seems like there is the attitude out there "If you aren't happy, just leave." Is that what is meant by "not much hope"? That they should just leave?

 

[dmp]

But what does that mean... not much hope? Conservatives are generally for restrictions on divorce, especially Christians. But it still seems like there is the attitude out there "If you aren't happy, just leave." Is that what is meant by "not much hope"? That they should just leave?

Could mean different things to different people. Maybe it's 'not much hope that things will improve...'

:-/

Everyone has a line they draw, consciously or not, I suppose.

 

[GotZoom]

That's assuming one person has no culpability and the other is completely at fault. People can fall out of love if there is anger or resentment that builds up and is never addressed. But I think your right that if it comes to a point that everything possible has been done to save the marriage and one person is not in it 100% there doesn't seem to be much hope.

I absolutely agree that if there is anger or resentment, it is easy to let that get in the way of love. Again, Communication 101. If one of the two doesn't want to talk about their feelings, or deflects the conversation and/or blame, then there may not be much hope. No desire to communicate and one of the basic foundations is ruined.

People who want it to work will do anything and everything to make it work. Professional help, communication, etc.

But if one of the two doesn't.......the other one is just spinning his/her wheels - and the marriage will go no where.

 

[dilloduck]

I absolutely agree that if there is anger or resentment, it is easy to let that get in the way of love. Again, Communication 101. If one of the two doesn't want to talk about their feelings, or deflects the conversation and/or blame, then there may not be much hope. No desire to communicate and one of the basic foundations is ruined.

People who want it to work will do anything and everything to make it work. Professional help, communication, etc.

But if one of the two doesn't.......the other one is just spinning his/her wheels - and the marriage will go no where.

Agree---and precious time is a ticking that you will NEVER get back. Waiting for the other party to make a move is avoiding responsibilty.

 

[shepherdboy]

Marriage the ultimate sacrifice of one's freedom? I know when I married my wife, its was a marriage with Christ at the center of focus. I learned to set aside my needs for hers. She tends to do the same and we have total unity with each other. This is so hard to explain in words and I am a lousy writer.
Its like our walk with Christ. We surrendered our lives to Him. We live to serve Him and not our selfish needs. I am not saying we can't have any pleasure in our lives. I am just saying if we put Christ first above all things, all those other needs and wants according to His desire will be blessed upon us.(Matthew 6:33) I hope I am making some sense here, because I have been there and dealt with some of those issues. I guess what I am saying in a nut shell is really understand yourself and who you really are. Cast aside all selfishness and serve your wife with unconditional love. To really grasp this, is to really understand your relationship with Christ Jesus. (Matthew 6:21) "For where your treasure is, there your hearts will be also."

 

[GotZoom]

Wow you nailed here Don. Too bad your taken I think you
and Darin would be great together... j/K

Must....spread......rep....

Too funny.

(Shhh..don't tell Darin but I think he is just infatuated with me...or the idea of me...)

 

[dmp]

Marriage the ultimate sacrifice of one's freedom? I know when I married my wife, its was a marriage with Christ at the center of focus. I learned to set aside my needs for hers. She tends to do the same and we have total unity with each other. This is so hard to explain in words and I am a lousy writer.
Its like our walk with Christ. We surrendered our lives to Him. We live to serve Him and not our selfish needs. I am not saying we can't have any pleasure in our lives. I am just saying if we put Christ first above all things, all those other needs and wants according to His desire will be blessed upon us.(Matthew 6:33) I hope I am making some sense here, because I have been there and dealt with some of those issues. I guess what I am saying in a nut shell is really understand yourself and who you really are. Cast aside all selfishness and serve your wife with unconditional love. To really grasp this, is to really understand your relationship with Christ Jesus. (Matthew 6:21) "For where your treasure is, there your hearts will be also."

Very well said.

 

[dilloduck]

Marriage the ultimate sacrifice of one's freedom? I know when I married my wife, its was a marriage with Christ at the center of focus. I learned to set aside my needs for hers. She tends to do the same and we have total unity with each other. This is so hard to explain in words and I am a lousy writer.
Its like our walk with Christ. We surrendered our lives to Him. We live to serve Him and not our selfish needs. I am not saying we can't have any pleasure in our lives. I am just saying if we put Christ first above all things, all those other needs and wants according to His desire will be blessed upon us.(Matthew 6:33) I hope I am making some sense here, because I have been there and dealt with some of those issues. I guess what I am saying in a nut shell is really understand yourself and who you really are. Cast aside all selfishness and serve your wife with unconditional love. To really grasp this, is to really understand your relationship with Christ Jesus. (Matthew 6:21) "For where your treasure is, there your hearts will be also."

Thats where the answer is !

 

[Bonnie]

Marriage the ultimate sacrifice of one's freedom? I know when I married my wife, its was a marriage with Christ at the center of focus. I learned to set aside my needs for hers. She tends to do the same and we have total unity with each other. This is so hard to explain in words and I am a lousy writer.
Its like our walk with Christ. We surrendered our lives to Him. We live to serve Him and not our selfish needs. I am not saying we can't have any pleasure in our lives. I am just saying if we put Christ first above all things, all those other needs and wants according to His desire will be blessed upon us.(Matthew 6:33) I hope I am making some sense here, because I have been there and dealt with some of those issues. I guess what I am saying in a nut shell is really understand yourself and who you really are. Cast aside all selfishness and serve your wife with unconditional love. To really grasp this, is to really understand your relationship with Christ Jesus. (Matthew 6:21) "For where your treasure is, there your hearts will be also."

Christ is perfect, but sadly we are not, and it sounds nice to say the term unconditional love, but really most people do put conditions on love such as no cheating, no lying, no abuse, etc. I do get the gist of what you are saying in that if you put your faith in Christ and make him the center of your marriage it will be easier to love and have a great partnership. And that goes for life as well.

 

[Bonnie]

Must....spread......rep....

Too funny.

(Shhh..don't tell Darin but I think he is just infatuated with me...or the idea of me...)

I really do think you complete him :tng:

 

[dmp]

I really do think you complete him :tng:

Now...if Don were only a hot chick...(sigh). Maybe I should just love him 'as-is' right??

 

[dilloduck]

I'll recommend it again The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm

Best book I've ever read regarding love. An straight-foreward approach to a complicated subject and you feel great after reading it.

 

[Bonnie]

Now...if Don were only a hot chick...(sigh). Maybe I should just love him 'as-is' right??

Well he's probably a hot dude, besides he's got a great mind.

 

[dmp]

I'll recommend it again The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm

Best book I've ever read regarding love. An straight-foreward approach to a complicated subject and you feel great after reading it.

...but aren't you single???




:

 

[dmp]

Well he's probably a hot dude, besides he's got a great mind.

Honey, if I were just attracted to minds I woulda made a move on gop_jeff a year ago.

:

 

[dilloduck]

...but aren't you single???




:

yuppers--decided that inflicting myself into another womans life might be considered punishment.
( it includes OTHER kinds of love too, D)

 

[dmp]

yuppers--decided that inflicting myself into another womans life might be considered punishment.
( it includes OTHER kinds of love too, D)

 

[dilloduck]

Fortunately loving is not restricted to married people. It's free for all to engage in.