Christians - does your church prepare you for marriage?

[dilloduck]

Because finding responsibility can often lead to a solution much quicker than trying to find a solution without finding responsibility... not always, I suppose, but in my experience, often enough.

Placing the responsibility for the marriage problem on one person isn't much encouragement for that person to change. Even asking someone to change is pushing it. Have we forgotten the vows alredy?

 

[GotZoom]

People have different thoughts as to what true love is. First love in Junior High or High School...was that true love? The first person you had sex with? Is that true love?

I, for one, thought I knew what true love was..thought I was in love. But then I met someone who I fell insanely in love with..and now...I am absolutely, without a doubt in love.

Butterflies, the excitement at the next conversation and the next time we will see each other, having a Valentines date together, an email or text message or phone call. Getting away for a weekend. But also just knowing that she feels the same way about me. And never fails to show that to me...every day.

Is this going to die down? Fade away as we get older? I doubt it.

Why? Because I know her..and she knows me...and we know that the only thing we really want out of life is to be together and show each other how deeply in love we are with each other.

These are things that should never die. They should never fade away. I don't care how long you are with someone. If you are that in love with someone, then you should never let those feelings and actions stop.

And they won't, because neither one of you will allow it.

 

[dmp]

Placing the responsibility for the marriage problem on one person isn't much encouragement for that person to change. Even asking someone to change is pushing it. Have we forgotten the vows alredy?

At the same time it's pathetic to fall back on 'It takes TWO to cause a bad marriage'. Sometimes...really, it just takes one. Sometimes there IS specific Fault. Sometimes ppl need to come to grips with the idea they, in fact, MAY BE the one who is flushing things down the toilet.

Not always...but I'm sure it exists.

 

[dmp]

People have different thoughts as to what true love is. First love in Junior High or High School...was that true love? The first person you had sex with? Is that true love?

I, for one, thought I knew what true love was..thought I was in love. But then I met someone who I fell insanely in love with..and now...I am absolutely, without a doubt in love.

Butterflies, the excitement at the next conversation and the next time we will see each other, having a Valentines date together, an email or text message or phone call. Getting away for a weekend. But also just knowing that she feels the same way about me. And never fails to show that to me...every day.

Is this going to die down? Fade away as we get older? I doubt it.

Why? Because I know her..and she knows me...and we know that the only thing we really want out of life is to be together and show each other how deeply in love we are with each other.

These are things that should never die. They should never fade away. I don't care how long you are with someone. If you are that in love with someone, then you should never let those feelings and actions stop.

And they won't, because neither one of you will allow it.

Holy Crap. Stop. Just stop.

You had me at Hello.




You nailed it. Your reality is my dream.

 

[The ClayTaurus]

Placing the responsibility for the marriage problem on one person isn't much encouragement for that person to change. Even asking someone to change is pushing it. Have we forgotten the vows alredy?

But rarely is it one person's fault. However, usually the one thinks about only the problems of their spouse, which is where I was trying to go. If the two could sit down and say "I don't like how this has come to be" and the spouse responds with "well maybe this has come to be becuase this came to be before it" etc. etc. you could begin to understand the chain.

It seems to me that both people, if interested in actually saving the marriage, would be willing to sit down, cast ego aside, and hash out honestly how things go to where they are, because both of them individually are most likely blaming the other person for everything, even if they say "oh I know marriage is a team thing." It's really, "yeah, it's a team thing, but my side of the team is doing it's job."

 

[dilloduck]

At the same time it's pathetic to fall back on 'It takes TWO to cause a bad marriage'. Sometimes...really, it just takes one. Sometimes there IS specific Fault. Sometimes ppl need to come to grips with the idea they, in fact, MAY BE the one who is flushing things down the toilet.

Not always...but I'm sure it exists.

Thats what I meant by the boiling point---if one partner is torpedoing the marriage and waiting for the other spouse to accept it or leave, the ball is in your court and it's time to put up or shut up, isn't it?

 

[dmp]

But rarely is it one person's fault. However, usually the one thinks about only the problems of their spouse, which is where I was trying to go. If the two could sit down and say "I don't like how this has come to be" and the spouse responds with "well maybe this has come to be becuase this came to be before it" etc. etc. you could begin to understand the chain.

It seems to me that both people, if interested in actually saving the marriage, would be willing to sit down, cast ego aside, and hash out honestly how things go to where they are, because both of them individually are most likely blaming the other person for everything, even if they say "oh I know marriage is a team thing." It's really, "yeah, it's a team thing, but my side of the team is doing it's job."

Understanding the problem doesn't keep a body warm at night. Knowing where your spouse is 'coming from' (No pun intended) won't make me laugh when I'm feeling sad. Knowledge that other person "loves you" wont make you walk into a room, and look for them first.

 

[The ClayTaurus]

Understanding the problem doesn't keep a body warm at night. Knowing where your spouse is 'coming from' (No pun intended) won't make me laugh when I'm feeling sad. Knowledge that other person "loves you" wont make you walk into a room, and look for them first.

But often times, the fading of all those things can be tied to something the other person did or didn't intentionally do, and could be resolved as such...

 

[dilloduck]

But often times, the fading of all those things can be tied to something the other person did or didn't intentionally do, and could be resolved as such...

Time to get outside help--or leave. Just MHO

 

[Nienna]

Placing the responsibility for the marriage problem on one person isn't much encouragement for that person to change. Even asking someone to change is pushing it. Have we forgotten the vows alredy?

I have to agree, dillo.

 

[GotZoom]

But often times, the fading of all those things can be tied to something the other person did or didn't intentionally do, and could be resolved as such...

Communication 101.

The problem comes with one of the two people refuses to communicate or simply says..."everything is fine."

When it is obvious that it isn't.

Then what?

 

[Nienna]

People have different thoughts as to what true love is. First love in Junior High or High School...was that true love? The first person you had sex with? Is that true love?

I, for one, thought I knew what true love was..thought I was in love. But then I met someone who I fell insanely in love with..and now...I am absolutely, without a doubt in love.

Butterflies, the excitement at the next conversation and the next time we will see each other, having a Valentines date together, an email or text message or phone call. Getting away for a weekend. But also just knowing that she feels the same way about me. And never fails to show that to me...every day.

Is this going to die down? Fade away as we get older? I doubt it.

Why? Because I know her..and she knows me...and we know that the only thing we really want out of life is to be together and show each other how deeply in love we are with each other.

These are things that should never die. They should never fade away. I don't care how long you are with someone. If you are that in love with someone, then you should never let those feelings and actions stop.

And they won't, because neither one of you will allow it.

Your wife is a lucky woman.

 

[Nienna]

Communication 101.

The problem comes with one of the two people refuses to communicate or simply says..."everything is fine."

When it is obvious that it isn't.

Then what?

Yeah, then what?

 

[The ClayTaurus]

Communication 101.

The problem comes with one of the two people refuses to communicate or simply says..."everything is fine."

When it is obvious that it isn't.

Then what?

Then Dillo's probably right. Get outside help, and if that's not something the other agrees to, put up or shut up.

 

[5stringJeff]

We NEVER hear "well, your mate is unloving - they need to learn to BE Loving, and to FEEL loving."

And how does one learn how to "feel" loving? It's not like you can control your emotions like that.

 

[Bonnie]

Why do people accept that "there is more to marriage than that" as opposed to "that is a part of marriage that should never die?"

I like the way you said that.

 

[5stringJeff]

Then Dillo's probably right. Get outside help, and if that's not something the other agrees to, put up or shut up.

Outside help, professional type.

 

[Bonnie]

People have different thoughts as to what true love is. First love in Junior High or High School...was that true love? The first person you had sex with? Is that true love?

I, for one, thought I knew what true love was..thought I was in love. But then I met someone who I fell insanely in love with..and now...I am absolutely, without a doubt in love.

Butterflies, the excitement at the next conversation and the next time we will see each other, having a Valentines date together, an email or text message or phone call. Getting away for a weekend. But also just knowing that she feels the same way about me. And never fails to show that to me...every day.

Is this going to die down? Fade away as we get older? I doubt it.

Why? Because I know her..and she knows me...and we know that the only thing we really want out of life is to be together and show each other how deeply in love we are with each other.

These are things that should never die. They should never fade away. I don't care how long you are with someone. If you are that in love with someone, then you should never let those feelings and actions stop.

And they won't, because neither one of you will allow it.

Wow you nailed here Don. Too bad your taken I think you
and Darin would be great together... j/K

 

[The ClayTaurus]

And how does one learn how to "feel" loving? It's not like you can control your emotions like that.

I agree. I think the reason you don't hear that is because who wants to be loved by someone who has to force themself to do it?

 

[Nienna]

Then Dillo's probably right. Get outside help, and if that's not something the other agrees to, put up or shut up.

What does that mean... "put up or shut up"? If you're stuck in a marriage like that, you're already "putting up." So the person is just supposed to "shut up"? Like "So you're miserable. Sorry about your luck, but I don't want to hear about it"?