Chips ....

Chips! Please take a deep breath and calm down....

Is there a Christian in your life right now that is irking you or is being hypocritical or someone from the past?

Where does all of this anxiety of yours regarding Christians or any of the religious come from?

Who is feeding this "stuff" to you if you are not a Christian or was not raised a christian or a Jew? Your quotes pulled out of the Bible could not have been found just by picking up and reviewing the book in the Library and unless you know the verse and what book of the Bible it is in, it would be near impossible to do an internet search at the Bible Gateways on the net...

So to me, this means that "someone" is leading you to cause this havoc on this site or someone on a blog has moved you in to believing that the whole world would be fine and wonderful without God or anyone believing in HIm...

Or, just plainly, you could be a simple troll.

If I am wrong and you really are searching for some sort of answers in your own mind about how and what you think about God, then I apologize.

Care

Once again, spoken like the typically patronising Christian that you are, Care4Paul. In the spirit of your post, and harking back a previous post to me, what possesses you, that you think I would come cap in hand to the entrance of your cave, Swami Marge?*

A totally bogus, Betty Bowers style Christian like you, “I was reading Ecclesiastes, or was it Deuteronomy? the other day” would be the very last person I would go to seeking a guru. :eusa_sick:

But to answer your laughably leading questions; yes, it IS my Lord and Master SATAN (Chip’s head spins, spraying green vomit all around the room!) who influences me to “cause this havoc on this site.” Better join Ateball in trying to get me barred from here before I cyberly say a Black Mass and sacrifice a Baptist baby! :badgrin:

Look, I know how hard it is for a bible-brainwashed, hubby subjugated, Brownie-baking, Sunday school Ma'm like you to conceive of anyone who could despise their pretentious plastic persona. In your feeble far-right fostered rent-a-mind it just doesn’t compute, does it? :wtf:

So just think of me as your satanic counterpart, who sees Americhristians as “evil” personified because they “love” and do the bidding of an utterly depraved, murdering mad-dog of a God that any truly “decent” person would gladly put out of his misery.

You ain’t conning me, Car4Paul. Whichever way you slice it, your self-delusional love for God is founded on fear. NO ONE, not even a psychologically disturbed masochist like Jesus, could love the barbaric Bible God.

*Consequently, when you want to grow a spine and cease the see-through Christian charade, drop by my cave… :eusa_pray:
 
Once again, spoken like the typically patronising Christian that you are, Care4Paul. In the spirit of your post, and harking back a previous post to me, what possesses you, that you think I would come cap in hand to the entrance of your cave, Swami Marge?*

A totally bogus, Betty Bowers style Christian like you, “I was reading Ecclesiastes, or was it Deuteronomy? the other day” would be the very last person I would go to seeking a guru. :eusa_sick:

But to answer your laughably leading questions; yes, it IS my Lord and Master SATAN (Chip’s head spins, spraying green vomit all around the room!) who influences me to “cause this havoc on this site.” Better join Ateball in trying to get me barred from here before I cyberly say a Black Mass and sacrifice a Baptist baby! :badgrin:

Look, I know how hard it is for a bible-brainwashed, hubby subjugated, Brownie-baking, Sunday school Ma'm like you to conceive of anyone who could despise their pretentious plastic persona. In your feeble far-right fostered rent-a-mind it just doesn’t compute, does it? :wtf:

So just think of me as your satanic counterpart, who sees Americhristians as “evil” personified because they “love” and do the bidding of an utterly depraved, murdering mad-dog of a God that any truly “decent” person would gladly put out of his misery.

You ain’t conning me, Car4Paul. Whichever way you slice it, your self-delusional love for God is founded on fear. NO ONE, not even a psychologically disturbed masochist like Jesus, could love the barbaric Bible God.

*Consequently, when you want to grow a spine and cease the see-through Christian charade, drop by my cave… :eusa_pray:

well! You really cleared THAT up for me, now didn't you!:eusa_clap:

and as far as YOUR cave? yea, call it a ''date''! i will meet you there after the rapture, how's that sound? :lol:

you are one strange dude...!!!

care
 
well! You really cleared THAT up for me, now didn't you!:eusa_clap:

and as far as YOUR cave? yea, call it a ''date''! i will meet you there after the rapture, how's that sound? :lol:

you are one strange dude...!!!

care

Hey, do ya think God is onto the Seppo Christian plan to force his hand and pre-empt The Rapeture by setting up Israel (for a fall) in 1948?

Nah, I don’t either. Any deity that is that dumb that he can’t put a vowel in G-d, or work out what YHWH stands for, has gotta be as thick as a Christian’s hide. Especially one whom the Kikes held captive in a packing crate and the Amerifundies have confined in a Bible modified by a Scottish faggot!

But gee, it will be great to see most of them Christ-killin' Kikes exterminated, eh? Then you can go and frolic with G-e-e-zus and all the other resurrected Calvinazis in the clouds!

Here ya go Care48Ball. Have a laugh for once in ya life. Instead of torturing cute l'il kittens, pulling the legs off of blowflies, burning my effigy, and looking for satanic Muslims and Reds under your bed. :rolleyes:

May 12 / 13, 2007

And Ted Haggard Was the Best Man
Jesus Christ Weds Pat Robertson
By SUSIE DAY

In a quiet ceremony attended by a few close friends and family members, nationally known televangelist Pat Robertson of the 700 Club was married today to world-renowned avatar and reputed Prince of Peace, Jesus of Nazareth. The wedding took place in Stowe, a picturesque Vermont town, and was catered by the Von Trapp family of "The Sound of Music" fame, who assembled in Austrian peasant garb to sing "Climb Every Mountain."

Robertson wore a dignified charcoal gray business suit and carried a lovely ecru portfolio filled with Christian Broadcasting Network stock options. "I love Jesus," Robertson told reporters after the ceremony. "And Jesus loves me * it's in the Bible."

According to anonymous highly-placed sources attending the Throne of God, there is no scriptural evidence in any religious text to support the claim that Jesus Christ loves Pat Robertson. Yet Robertson remained ebullient.

Asked why he "popped the question," Robertson replied, "It's no secret, Jesus and I are more than friends. We've been in a committed relationship for years. He is with me, always. We watch TV together, bowl together, excoriate perverts together. When I predicted that acceptance of homosexuality would result in hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, terrorist bombs, and possibly a meteor, Jesus was there * well, actually, I think he was in the shower, then * but basically, we're an item. So one day I said, Whoa. Catholic nuns get to marry Jesus. How come those papist biddies have more rights than us red-blooded Protestant dudes?"

Ted Haggard, disgraced Pastor of the New Life Church, now graduated from sexual normalcy reprogramming, was Best Man. "This is so beautiful," sobbed Haggard, who couldn't stop crying. "Two manly men who want to conquer the world in the name of love, uniting forces. It's another way of saying, "Lord, we are 100% heterosexual."

Jesus, resplendent in a simple Laura Ashley gown decorated in faux bloodstains, also wept.

Present at the nuptials was Mary, Mother of Jesus, who stated that she would not offer the couple her blessings.

"My son, the martyr," Mary sighed, flicking her cigarette ashes into the punch bowl. "I knew some day the kid would go too far. He was an extremist as a youth, busting up temple bake-sales, driving defenseless, non-kosher animals into the sea, going around with that shiksa Magdalene, but I thought he would settle down. He never calls, he never writes * two thousand years later, I get an invitation to this farshtunkeneh thing. A tragedy * I say this as a mother and a virgin."

Questioned as to her son's possible motivation for his nuptials, Mary answered, "It's pure ego * he's out to save the world. I mean, having spikes driven into your extremities and getting hung up on a couple of boards * that's got to hurt. But marrying Pat Robertson * now, THAT is agony. He's a total codependent, my son."

In a surprisingly modern break from matrimonial tradition, Robertson announced that he and his "Holier Half" will hyphenate their surname. "At first, I wanted Jesus to change his name to Jesus Robertson," admitted the televangelist. "But then I realized that might make him look suspicious to the immigration authorities. So we have decided to become the Robertson-Christs."

Foremost on everyone's mind was Pat Robertson-Christ's persistent condemnation of homosexuals. Reporters were eager to know if this wedding changes his views, particularly, of gay marriage.

"No, no," smiled Roberts. "Don't get me wrong. I continue to view homosexual marriage as a fetid, stench-filled puke-mire of lecherous maggots fornicating obscenely in disease-ridden coffins of pus. But God likes it when heterosexuals get married. And Jesus and I are real He-Men. Right, honey?"

Jesus asked Colonel Von Trapp for an Excedrin.

"I've looked into this marriage thing, and it's got some major perks," continued Robertson-Christ. "Under state law, for example, half of Jesus' holding are now legally mine. So, besides our other moneymaking enterprises, the Christian Broadcasting Network finally owns the intellectual property rights to our heavenly Mascot. That means we can sue the Pope for copyright infringement."

Conspicuously absent from the event was the virulently antigay evangelist Fred Phelps, who had been invited. "Aw, he's just pissed he didn't think of this first," Robertson-Christ chuckled.

"I told Jesus and I told him," said Mary, stepping in front of the news camera, "You think you can change this shmuck; you think you're the only one who can understand him * HA. Mark my words, I said to Jesus: in a few weeks, you'll be begging the cops for a restraining order."

So saying, the Blessed Virgin excused herself, explaining that she was late for her Women in Black vigil.

No word yet as to where the happy couple will honeymoon.

Susie Day can be reached at: [email protected]

© Susie Day, 2007
 
The Gunny's point is valid. I began this thread as an extension to another where you chose to pick and choose from the Bible.

Are you going to hold yourself to the same standard? No quoting the Bible? That makes the argument even EASIER.

Just as a post script, as it seems there won't be an argument, see the difficulty, nay, the hopelessness, that a reasonable person experiences trying to argue a point with people who subscribe to this sort of supremely arrogant pap,

1 Corinthians 2:14-15, “But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly judged by no one.”
 
Yiddish smiddish - she wasn't Yiddish - she was a very nice Jewish girl from Occupied Judea :cool:

Mary: Heh. Nortius Maximus his alias was. Hmm. Promised me the known world he did. I was to be taken to Rome, House by the Forum. Slaves. Asses' milk. As much gold as I could eat.

Then God, having had his way with me... voom! Like a rat out of an aqueduct.
 
Mary: Heh. Nortius Maximus his alias was. Hmm. Promised me the known world he did. I was to be taken to Rome, House by the Forum. Slaves. Asses' milk. As much gold as I could eat.

Then God, having had his way with me... voom! Like a rat out of an aqueduct.

He's got priors....Leda...well he swanned right up to her didn't he? And let's not forget that poor little sausage Danae...well, I mean....very pervvy.
 
Our President Bush discussed Iran in a meeting with our Rev. Dobson, who said that our President warned that Iran plans a terrorist attack on one or more American cities. We have to invade Iran now to protect our Families!
 
Our President Bush discussed Iran in a meeting with our Rev. Dobson, who said that our President warned that Iran plans a terrorist attack on one or more American cities. We have to invade Iran now to protect our Families!


WHAT?? I didn't know Dimwit had been demoted!

Geez, he used to talk directly to God, or, in His absence, inerrantly interpret His needs for Him, just like any normal Chrischun - not one of his self-appointed Cottonmouth handling mouthpieces! :eusa_doh:
 

New Topics

Forum List

Back
Top