children sharing a room - help!

[MyName]

I was/am an only child. Therefore my motto has always been, 'what's mine is mine, what I say is mine, is mine; and whatever of yours that I want, still is mine'. (just ask dk)

Because of this, Im finding myself in a situation of which I know little to nothing about. We have 2 teenage children, a boy and a girl. Each have their own room, of course. However, we now have a 3 year old daughter as well. Our 15 year old daughter offerred to share her room wiht the baby (thank God because that is what was going to happen anyway lol).
Things are working ok I guess except that there is this underlying issue of boundries I guess...or rather, 'what is mine'? With BOTH of the girls, even though the 15 year old hasnt said a word.

Any suggestions on sharing a room or room division so each kid has the 'identity space' that they need?

 

[Mr. P]

Yeah...unless they hurt one another,
leave em alone..

 

[USViking]

I was/am an only child. Therefore my motto has always been, 'what's mine is mine, what I say is mine, is mine; and whatever of yours that I want, still is mine'. (just ask dk)

Because of this, Im finding myself in a situation of which I know little to nothing about. We have 2 teenage children, a boy and a girl. Each have their own room, of course. However, we now have a 3 year old daughter as well. Our 15 year old daughter offerred to share her room wiht the baby (thank God because that is what was going to happen anyway lol).
Things are working ok I guess except that there is this underlying issue of boundries I guess...or rather, 'what is mine'? With BOTH of the girls, even though the 15 year old hasnt said a word.

Any suggestions on sharing a room or room division so each kid has the 'identity space' that they need?

It was very nice of your 15 year-old to offer to share her room.

Children are not always unreasonable. I shared a room with my brother, who was 6 years younger, for some time with no big issues that I recall. Also, I have 3 year old and 6 year old neices who have been sharing for over a year, and they seem to be getting along fine.

 

[5stringJeff]

I was/am an only child. Therefore my motto has always been, 'what's mine is mine, what I say is mine, is mine; and whatever of yours that I want, still is mine'. (just ask dk)

Because of this, Im finding myself in a situation of which I know little to nothing about. We have 2 teenage children, a boy and a girl. Each have their own room, of course. However, we now have a 3 year old daughter as well. Our 15 year old daughter offerred to share her room wiht the baby (thank God because that is what was going to happen anyway lol).
Things are working ok I guess except that there is this underlying issue of boundries I guess...or rather, 'what is mine'? With BOTH of the girls, even though the 15 year old hasnt said a word.

Any suggestions on sharing a room or room division so each kid has the 'identity space' that they need?

I've never dealt with the situation either, but off the top of my head:

Get each their own dresser, and their own half of the closet.

Sit down with both of them and talk about keeping their stuff where it belongs, and respecting the other's stuff (obviously this will be harder for the 3-year-old).

If you have the space, consider getting a desk for your older daughter outside of her room. That will give her another space which is "hers" alone. Likewise, if you have an extra closet, make it a play closet for the 3-year-old, which is now "hers" alone.

Does that help at all?

 

[MyName]

yeah it does.

Im also getting each a canopy thing for their beds as well as dressing up each window under each bed (which are on opposite corners of the room) in themes and colors that they like. EG - baby=disney princesses which you know makes the older daughter want to vomit, Im sure lol
15 year old - black, purple, teal and fantasy/anime stuff.

I figure the canopy things will be neat for them because the 3 year odl never had a room of her own in her old home and anything is cool to a child that age and for the 15 year old, she gets annoyed by the nightlight for the baby so the draping around her bed will not only look 'awesome' (her word - not mine) but it will provide some shielding from the ever-offensive nightlight.

 

[no1tovote4]

I was/am an only child. Therefore my motto has always been, 'what's mine is mine, what I say is mine, is mine; and whatever of yours that I want, still is mine'. (just ask dk)

Because of this, Im finding myself in a situation of which I know little to nothing about. We have 2 teenage children, a boy and a girl. Each have their own room, of course. However, we now have a 3 year old daughter as well. Our 15 year old daughter offerred to share her room wiht the baby (thank God because that is what was going to happen anyway lol).
Things are working ok I guess except that there is this underlying issue of boundries I guess...or rather, 'what is mine'? With BOTH of the girls, even though the 15 year old hasnt said a word.

Any suggestions on sharing a room or room division so each kid has the 'identity space' that they need?

The 15 year old is clearly old enough to put her important items out of reach. I would suggest just making it clear that you expect them to deal with the issue between them without your interference. The age difference makes a huge difference as the young lady will soon be an adult and expected to take care of everything for herself regardless, this is only one step in the process of getting her ready for the next step in her life.

Make the rules clear, no harming each other, then let them hash it out between them. Stress the responsibility factor with the 15 year old, and how close she is to the age where she will be expected to deal with far larger issues than who is using her brush and what they did with the doll she hasn't touched in over 5 years.

 

[MyName]

The 15 year old is clearly old enough to put her important items out of reach. I would suggest just making it clear that you expect them to deal with the issue between them without your interference. The age difference makes a huge difference as the young lady will soon be an adult and expected to take care of everything for herself regardless, this is only one step in the process of getting her ready for the next step in her life.

Make the rules clear, no harming each other, then let them hash it out between them. Stress the responsibility factor with the 15 year old, and how close she is to the age where she will be expected to deal with far larger issues than who is using her brush and what they did with the doll she hasn't touched in over 5 years.

well, so far it's not come to that. She has pretty much given the baby nearly all of her things from when she was little.

But I do hear what youre saying and thanks for the advice

And yikes on the harming each other - if either of my teenagers even THOUGHT of harming any baby, theyd have ME in ALL of my mom-ness on their ass quicker than white on rice.

 

[no1tovote4]

well, so far it's not come to that. She has pretty much given the baby nearly all of her things from when she was little.

But I do hear what youre saying and thanks for the advice

And yikes on the harming each other - if either of my teenagers even THOUGHT of harming any baby, theyd have ME in ALL of my mom-ness on their ass quicker than white on rice.

The brain of a teenager is different than that of an adult physically as well as mentally. The forepart of the brain has yet to fully develop and this causes them to be deficient in reason (that is the part of the brain where reasoning takes place and yes this is scientifically accurate). Therefore sometimes the teenager can let emotion overrule the limited reasoning that they have. It is important to stress rules such as that and inform of the dire consequences long before the reasoning has to take place. Do not rely on the reasoning ability of your young adult, it is deficient physically as well as mentally.

 

[MyName]

The brain of a teenager is different than that of an adult physically as well as mentally. The forepart of the brain has yet to fully develop and this causes them to be deficient in reason (that is the part of the brain where reasoning takes place and yes this is scientifically accurate). Therefore sometimes the teenager can let emotion overrule the limited reasoning that they have. It is important to stress rules such as that and inform of the dire consequences long before the reasoning has to take place. Do not rely on the reasoning ability of your young adult, it is deficient physically as well as mentally.

You are completely right and I thank you for reminding me of this.
Watch out, lest I flood your PM box when Im having a my-kid-is-driving-me-insane day. :teeth:

 

[no1tovote4]

You are completely right and I thank you for reminding me of this.
Watch out, lest I flood your PM box when Im having a my-kid-is-driving-me-insane day. :teeth:

I'll return the favor when it happens at my house too....

 

[Semper Fi]

Allow me to chip in...

I shared a room with my brother during my younger years, nd Im a pretty territorial guy. What I would suggest is giving each kid their own drawer in the desk, own drawer in dresser, ect. Little things that are theirs are almmost as good as having your own room. Ok maybe not, but its better than free-for-all.

By the way, I'm 15 and I would never offer to share my room. Consider yourself blessed.

 

[Annie]

I was/am an only child. Therefore my motto has always been, 'what's mine is mine, what I say is mine, is mine; and whatever of yours that I want, still is mine'. (just ask dk)

Because of this, Im finding myself in a situation of which I know little to nothing about. We have 2 teenage children, a boy and a girl. Each have their own room, of course. However, we now have a 3 year old daughter as well. Our 15 year old daughter offerred to share her room wiht the baby (thank God because that is what was going to happen anyway lol).
Things are working ok I guess except that there is this underlying issue of boundries I guess...or rather, 'what is mine'? With BOTH of the girls, even though the 15 year old hasnt said a word.

Any suggestions on sharing a room or room division so each kid has the 'identity space' that they need?

I would thank your daughter, (the older) for being so mature. Then would tell her that her 'important papers' should be put, "HERE" where NO ONE will look at them. For sure should be school papers, (high school teachers will NOT accept that, "my sister doodled, flushed, ripped them"), might also be diaries/journals that are for her eyes only. There IS NO SAFE PLACE IN A GIVEN ROOM WITHOUT LOCK AND KEY from a 3/4/5 year old.

The idea of canopies/hanging curtains is excellent.

 

[MyName]

I would thank your daughter, (the older) for being so mature. Then would tell her that her 'important papers' should be put, "HERE" where NO ONE will look at them. For sure should be school papers, (high school teachers will NOT accept that, "my sister doodled, flushed, ripped them"), might also be diaries/journals that are for her eyes only. There IS NO SAFE PLACE IN A GIVEN ROOM WITHOUT LOCK AND KEY from a 3/4/5 year old.

The idea of canopies/hanging curtains is excellent.

Yeah, she is a pretty phenomenal kid