Child Support is unfair

[AmyNation]

"What about the men who pay child support to children they rarely get to see? If the woman has full custody and he only gets to see the kids every second weekend, why should he pay child support when he isn't even allowed to see his kids when he wants? "

Because his child doesn't stop eating simply because he isn't there.


"And why can't the woman get a job and provide for HER kids herself, without seeing the man as a cash cow?"

Who says the mother doesn't have a job?

"And what about those men right now who are paying child support for a child that isn't even biologically theirs? "

That's very rare, and I personally think it should be up to the man and not the courts.

"Men should be allowed to request paternity tests at the birth to make sure they are not going to be forced into paying thousands to raise someone else's child."

Paternity tests are done before child support orders are set, as long as the father requests one.

"Years ago I heard of a man who had four children. He was paying support for all of them, equaling thousands of dollars. He discovered that only ONE of those children was his, the other three were fathered by his best friend - his neighbor. He took the ex to court but the judge decided that because he had been paying support for so many years, it would be harmful to the kids for this to stop, so he was ordered to continue paying child support to all of those children.

How the hell is that fair?"


It's not fair. However child cases put the needs of the children above the man and the woman. He was their father, and it would have been devastating for those children to lose him at that point simply because he doesn't want to pay child support anymore.

 

[Noomi]

He wasn't their father. The father was the neighbor who wasn't paying a red cent. Whether the kids would have been upset or not doesn't matter. The man shouldn't be paying a penny for kids he didn't father.

 

[Dont Taz Me Bro]

I believe if child support is in the best interest of the child and if the state wants the father (or mother) to pay, it should be in the form of a card like an EBT to check how the money is being spent. It makes no sense for fathers to cut a woman a check, only to have her do as she wish. I hear to many stories of men payingan arm and a leg yet, the woman is buying Channel gift bags while her child has a dirty shirt and a snotty nose.

When the American people decided to invite the government into their family affairs, this is the can of worms that was opened, for better or for worse.

 

[AmyNation]

He wasn't their father. The father was the neighbor who wasn't paying a red cent. Whether the kids would have been upset or not doesn't matter. The man shouldn't be paying a penny for kids he didn't father.

He was their father in every other way.

I agree with you in that I don't agree with forcing men to continue to parent and pay for children that aren't biologically theirs.

But again, when it comes to children, the courts put the well being of the child above all else, above the mother, the father, and what's fair or just.

 

[Aristotle]

If the primary parent is a drug addict or otherwise unfit then it's the other parents responsibility to report him/her and file for custody.

However "mom is a crack head", is not the norm, it's a bit of a red herring. In the majority of situations, the primary parent is your average responsible adult who provides food shelter, and the 101 other things that the non-custodial parent does not.

Sure but I am talking about irresponsible behavior. You stated that it was acceptable for a woman to blow money because she is paying rent. Seriously, paying rent? How do you even know that this is so? You don't. No case is typical. You just decimated your entire case by justifying selfish behavior which is atypical of supporting the child.

The bottom line is, you would like to monitor how the mother of your child spend her child support money. I say, that's a great idea, as long as every month she spends more then you send, you send her more money.

If I am paying money yes as a taxpaying citizen and responsible adult, I want to make sure my money is going to my child, not funding another adult's lifestyle.

 

[AmyNation]

Sure but I am talking about irresponsible behavior. You stated that it was acceptable for a woman to blow money because she is paying rent. Seriously, paying rent? How do you even know that this is so? You don't. No case is typical. You just decimated your entire case by justifying selfish behavior which is atypical of supporting the child.

The bottom line is, you would like to monitor how the mother of your child spend her child support money. I say, that's a great idea, as long as every month she spends more then you send, you send her more money.

If I am paying money yes as a taxpaying citizen and responsible adult, I want to make sure my money is going to my child, not funding another adult's lifestyle.

I can't really comment on your case, as I have no idea what you pay for how many children.

However, my ex brother in law pays $300 a month for my niece who is 13. That doesn't come close to averaging half of her expenses.

 

[Aristotle]

The bottom line is, you would like to monitor how the mother of your child spend her child support money. I say, that's a great idea, as long as every month she spends more then you send, you send her more money.

If I am paying money yes as a taxpaying citizen and responsible adult, I want to make sure my money is going to my child, not funding another adult's lifestyle.

I can't really comment on your case, as I have no idea what you pay for how many children.

However, my ex brother in law pays $300 a month for my niece who is 13. That doesn't come close to averaging half of her expenses.

What makes you think I have a child? I was just making a general comment.

 

[AmyNation]

If I am paying money yes as a taxpaying citizen and responsible adult, I want to make sure my money is going to my child, not funding another adult's lifestyle.

I can't really comment on your case, as I have no idea what you pay for how many children.

However, my ex brother in law pays $300 a month for my niece who is 13. That doesn't come close to averaging half of her expenses.

What makes you think I have a child? I was just making a general comment.

Well if you don't have a child, this thread makes much more sense.

 

[Aristotle]

I can't really comment on your case, as I have no idea what you pay for how many children.

However, my ex brother in law pays $300 a month for my niece who is 13. That doesn't come close to averaging half of her expenses.

What makes you think I have a child? I was just making a general comment.

Well if you don't have a child, this thread makes much more sense.

So I need a child to believe child support is unfair? LOL

 

[koshergrl]

If I am paying money yes as a taxpaying citizen and responsible adult, I want to make sure my money is going to my child, not funding another adult's lifestyle.

I can't really comment on your case, as I have no idea what you pay for how many children.

However, my ex brother in law pays $300 a month for my niece who is 13. That doesn't come close to averaging half of her expenses.

What makes you think I have a child? I was just making a general comment.

Whether or not you pay taxes or are a responsible adult doesn't matter. Your child support isn't supposed to go directly to your child. It's to support the child's household. What you want is irrelevant.

 

[koshergrl]

He wasn't their father. The father was the neighbor who wasn't paying a red cent. Whether the kids would have been upset or not doesn't matter. The man shouldn't be paying a penny for kids he didn't father.

He was their father in every other way.

I agree with you in that I don't agree with forcing men to continue to parent and pay for children that aren't biologically theirs.

But again, when it comes to children, the courts put the well being of the child above all else, above the mother, the father, and what's fair or just.

When a man accepts children as his own, regardless of whether or not they're his biologically, he doesn't get to drop them when he gets tired of playing house. Once you openly accept the responsibility for a child, the law recognizes you as responsible for that child for good.

 

[Aristotle]

I can't really comment on your case, as I have no idea what you pay for how many children.

However, my ex brother in law pays $300 a month for my niece who is 13. That doesn't come close to averaging half of her expenses.

What makes you think I have a child? I was just making a general comment.

Whether or not you pay taxes or are a responsible adult doesn't matter. Your child support isn't supposed to go directly to your child. It's to support the child's household. What you want is irrelevant.

This is nonsensical. There are documented incidents where child support money was used for personal luxuries. What I want for myself and other men is to have a balanced system where the child is cared for.

Getting $500 hand bags is not supporting the child. Getting new clothes for yourself is not supporting your child. Buying the new boyfriend a car is not supporting the child. If a man is paying child support he has every right to know where his money is going.

 

[koshergrl]

"undocumented incidents". Well that will get you a long ways in a court of law.

It doesn't matter. What you want is irrelevant and a mother receiving child support is in no way obligated to spend the child support in a manner that you approve, nor is she obligated to provide you an accounting.

 

[AmyNation]

What makes you think I have a child? I was just making a general comment.

Well if you don't have a child, this thread makes much more sense.

So I need a child to believe child support is unfair? LOL

No, you just seem to have no idea how much it costs to raise a child.

 

[Steelplate]

He wasn't their father. The father was the neighbor who wasn't paying a red cent. Whether the kids would have been upset or not doesn't matter. The man shouldn't be paying a penny for kids he didn't father.

He was their father in every other way.

I agree with you in that I don't agree with forcing men to continue to parent and pay for children that aren't biologically theirs.

But again, when it comes to children, the courts put the well being of the child above all else, above the mother, the father, and what's fair or just.

When a man accepts children as his own, regardless of whether or not they're his biologically, he doesn't get to drop them when he gets tired of playing house. Once you openly accept the responsibility for a child, the law recognizes you as responsible for that child for good.

that's not true.....unless the man legally adopts them.

But, as a guy with lots of first hand experience....being a step parent is a tough gig. It's not for everyone. You have all the responsibilities as a biological parent and very little authority. First off, you get it from the kids themselves..."you're not my Dad!". They challenge you...a lot. Then, if you stand firm....they run to their mother, who more often than not, takes their side and renders you impotent as a parent.

No....the piece of advise I can give any prospective step-parent is this......Learn to take a passive role. Support your wife/husband in their decisions....discuss those decisions at a later time when the kids aren't around, and when you do have that discussion....do it in a non-confrontational manner.

Like, instead of saying...."You give them anything they want!".....say, "I'm just worried that if WE keep providing to them their every whim, they aren't going to be very well prepared for life when they get older" Notice the word "we", instead of "you"? That goes a long way.

Oh....and BTW....just as an aside.....if you are a step dad.....prepare for the inevitable fights between your step kids and the mother. It usually happens on nights that you have thoughts of intimacy running through your head.....especially during the teenage years.

It does get better....but you have to think long term....Kids grow up and eventually get more mature in their thought processes.

Sorry for the unsolicited advise....But I thought it important.

 

[Ravi]

What makes you think I have a child? I was just making a general comment.

Whether or not you pay taxes or are a responsible adult doesn't matter. Your child support isn't supposed to go directly to your child. It's to support the child's household. What you want is irrelevant.

This is nonsensical. There are documented incidents where child support money was used for personal luxuries. What I want for myself and other men is to have a balanced system where the child is cared for.

Getting $500 hand bags is not supporting the child. Getting new clothes for yourself is not supporting your child. Buying the new boyfriend a car is not supporting the child. If a man is paying child support he has every right to know where his money is going.

Why don't you just concentrate on being the best father you can be to your children? They're the ones that matter. It isn't your kids fault that you had them with such a shallow person. The answer is NOT to become a petty, shallow person yourself.

 

[Borillar]

"It's the fucking you get for the fucking you got. Best males remember that."

More like 20 minutes of pleasure, 20 years of pain (servitude). Definitely something oversexed adolescents should ponder before they hop in the sack with their latest "conquests". The state isn't interested in who caused a breakup, who would be a better parent, who was at fault, etc. They just want to figure out how much they can squeeze out of you. Don't complain about how much you pay, because they'll probably make it even worse. Your money going to support drug habits, other boyfriends, etc? Judging from personal experience, it probably happens a lot more than some people think.

 

[Katzndogz]

I was a single parent from my kids ages of 9 and 11 years old, until the youngest was 18. I never received a penny of child support from ex-wife, the court said she didn't have to pay. I was divorced when my youngest was 1.

I started paying child support before the divorce was final and continued until I was awarded sole custody. The 8 years between divorce and my gaining custody were eventful. I was awarded temporary custody for 2 years. The court ordered me to continue paying my ex-wife child support even though I had the kids. Due to state jurisdictional issues, I had to return my kids to my ex-wife. I did't see them again for 5 years. My ex didn't honor our custody orders and moved or changed phone numbers to keep me from contacting my kids. All the while my child support allotment kept going to her bank, I was active duty Navy during this time.

I was going to court the entire time to get my visitation enforced and no matter what she did, from leaving the state when visitation dates came or not answering the phone on our scheduled phone visits, I still paid child support.

Every time we went to court the first question I was asked: "Is your child support current?". No matter what she did, I was always asked about child support. The court gave her total disregard of a court ordered custody agreement equal weight with whether or not I missed a payment. In the end, I won sole custody. My ex-wife was ordered to pay 33% of my legal fees, pay me $5,000 and was given 5 years probation for repeatedly and excessively violating the court orders.

Custody/visitation and child support are two completely different issues. You don't pay child support to buy time with your kids. You pay child support to support your children, and those children need to be supported whether or not you get to see them. They don't cease to exist when they are out of your sight, nor do you get to punish them and your ex because you don't like the custody/visitation arrangement (or even if the custody arrangement is violated).

The amount of time a non-custodial parents spends with the children can certainly and absolutely reduce the child support obligation.

 

[koshergrl]

Sure...based on the custody/visitation order.

HOwever, parents who don't get to see their kids at all, whether by court mandate or just because the custodial parent won't let the kids visit, still have a child support obligation.

 

[koshergrl]

I worked in an office that specialized in divorce/custody for 5 years. I can't tell you how many of our clients came in trying to justify the fact they were withholding support by saying "She won't let me see the kids so I don't pay child support!"

The first thing my attorney did...had a come to Jesus meeting with them to explain that their obligation did not decrease because they didn't see the kids, and get them on a payment schedule to eliminate those arrears.