Cheating on your Lover

[dilloduck]

Who said anything about men being stupid or weak? I'm actually saying the opposite if you think about it. It's not just some impulse for physical gratification they're too weak to resist. There has to be something else, some reason why they don't want to resist. The same as women, although the reson may be different.

It does ? Really---now men cheat just for grins ?? They COULD resist but they choose not to ?

Isn't that how cheating happens, for both men and women? Sure they could resist, but they don't. Why?

I think a combination of a lot of things but if we insist on ruling out wiring we are in severe denial.

 

[Lumpy 1]

Guys and I'm guessing Gals are funny in a way.. Rather than simply accepting the total commitment to another they hold back just a little piece, their individuality. I think they feel if they lose that they've lost themselves. So they go around with that little piece and explore and imagine all the possibilities that they feel they may be missing out on.

The beautiful Gal with the big knockers, the secretary with the nice ass... the young lady all fresh and pure..the offers of delicious pleasure their not getting at home. etc (the Gals have to make up their own list.)

Some Guys bring that energy, ego boost, imagination.. etc, home to their wives.. others stray and if their emotionally equipped suffer the guilt..

There's more to this of course..

You it the nail on the head Lumpy......some guys bring that energy home to their wives and are able to uphold their vows. I also think that being in a committed relationship takes more work than the cheating. A man who cheats knows that he's cheating and doesn't have to put anything into the relationship....and because he's cheating he can blame inadequacies on his committed relationship and then not put any energy into that either. It's a lazy man's way out of exerting self-control and focusing his energies in one direction.

Personally.. I find it rather easy to be in a committed relationship.. I imagine I would find it much more difficult covering for lies, times unaccounted for and that whole guilt thing would suck..

 

[PatekPhilippe]

Who said anything about men being stupid or weak? I'm actually saying the opposite if you think about it. It's not just some impulse for physical gratification they're too weak to resist. There has to be something else, some reason why they don't want to resist. The same as women, although the reson may be different.

It does ? Really---now men cheat just for grins ?? They COULD resist but they choose not to ?

Isn't that how cheating happens, for both men and women? Sure they could resist, but they don't. Why?

I'm not buying that....I smile at women every day....that doesn't constitute a sexual relationship.

 

[goldcatt]

It does ? Really---now men cheat just for grins ?? They COULD resist but they choose not to ?

Isn't that how cheating happens, for both men and women? Sure they could resist, but they don't. Why?

I think a combination of a lot of things but if we insist on ruling out wiring we are in severe denial.

I'm not going to bother denying there are differences in the wiring, and not just sexually. I'm sure the reasoning is different. But I highly doubt either men or women cheat just because they can, or because they saw a nice ass. There's too much at stake, there has to be something else - some other need that needs to be met, or a lack of value in the relationship they're risking.

 

[kurtsprincess]

You believe it's the same? No difference?

Edit: Consider the porn industry. How many video makers and magazines and websites thrive on selling images of naked girls to men? How many on selling pics of naked men to women?

Maybe that's why men are able to use the phrase "it's harder for men to control themselves" because there is so much media focus on naked women. I wonder how soon women would be using that phrase if media were to put the same amount of focus on naked men.

I'm not talking about "media focus." I'm talking about making money in porn.

Men consume pix of naked girls voraciously, because they are lustful. If women are just as lustful, why aren't they consuming the same amount of male pornography?

And I can't help but wonder how many male members (pardon me) have given you av rep so far.

Perhaps women are more attracted to female porn....

And how is my rep relevant?

 

[goldcatt]

It does ? Really---now men cheat just for grins ?? They COULD resist but they choose not to ?

Isn't that how cheating happens, for both men and women? Sure they could resist, but they don't. Why?

I'm not buying that....I smile at women every day....that doesn't constitute a sexual relationship.

I was under the impression we all know "cheating" means sex. If smiling at somebody is cheating, boy would I be in big trouble.

 

[dilloduck]

Isn't that how cheating happens, for both men and women? Sure they could resist, but they don't. Why?

I think a combination of a lot of things but if we insist on ruling out wiring we are in severe denial.

I'm not going to bother denying there are differences in the wiring, and not just sexually. I'm sure the reasoning is different. But I highly doubt either men or women cheat just because they can, or because they saw a nice ass. There's too much at stake, there has to be something else - some other need that needs to be met, or a lack of value in the relationship they're risking.

Why does there have to be something other than wiring involved ?

 

[dilloduck]

Maybe that's why men are able to use the phrase "it's harder for men to control themselves" because there is so much media focus on naked women. I wonder how soon women would be using that phrase if media were to put the same amount of focus on naked men.

I'm not talking about "media focus." I'm talking about making money in porn.

Men consume pix of naked girls voraciously, because they are lustful. If women are just as lustful, why aren't they consuming the same amount of male pornography?

And I can't help but wonder how many male members (pardon me) have given you av rep so far.

Perhaps women are more attracted to female porn....

And how is my rep relevant?

because it's erotic and we're discussing sex

 

[kurtsprincess]

So every man that has ever cheated is lazy, stupid or weak ?

Possibly .... there could be other reasons, like my ex. He was an adrenaline junkie (raced cars, motorcycles, etc.) and liked the riskiness. Do you have a list that you want to share?

List of what? We could also be asking why it's so difficult for a woman to forgive ? Are they to weak, lazy or stupid ?

Who says she doesn't forgive him for his weakness? Just because a woman leaves her husband because he broke her vows doesn't mean she didn't forgive him. But if he broke his vow in this instance, which is a very important vow, then who's to say he won't fail her in lesser things.

A man who keeps his vow shows that he has a value system.

 

[goldcatt]

I think a combination of a lot of things but if we insist on ruling out wiring we are in severe denial.

I'm not going to bother denying there are differences in the wiring, and not just sexually. I'm sure the reasoning is different. But I highly doubt either men or women cheat just because they can, or because they saw a nice ass. There's too much at stake, there has to be something else - some other need that needs to be met, or a lack of value in the relationship they're risking.

Why does there have to be something other than wiring involved ?

Because that's just saying "Men can't help it, we were born this way, we can't resist". Which is bull, men are no more weak or powerless over their hormones than women. Of the two of us, if you think about it you're the one who's actually arguing men are inherently weak. Can anybody, male or female, have a weak moment? Sure. But I still say there has to be something else driving that decision.

 

[Amanda]

Cheating .. defined as having sex, of any kind with someone other than your lover.

My point of few is that there is no good excuse for it.

Yet the question always comes down to this..

"Should we split up or stay together"

My answer for the victim .. "split up, I doubt you'll get over it but I'll support you either way"

My answer for the cheater.."Dumb Ass"

Isn't it only cheating if you try to do it without them knowing about it?

Gads... you really want to confuse the issue don't you?

No, trying to clarify. I've had sex with several other guys since I got together with my current SO, but he knows about it, and was there on more than 1 occasion. I never thought of that as cheating because it was all in the open, but your definition got me concerned. I'm not sure where the sex with other women would fit either, so if you could clarify that as well I would appreciate it.

 

[LuckyDan]

Maybe that's why men are able to use the phrase "it's harder for men to control themselves" because there is so much media focus on naked women. I wonder how soon women would be using that phrase if media were to put the same amount of focus on naked men.

I'm not talking about "media focus." I'm talking about making money in porn.

Men consume pix of naked girls voraciously, because they are lustful. If women are just as lustful, why aren't they consuming the same amount of male pornography?

And I can't help but wonder how many male members (pardon me) have given you av rep so far.

Perhaps women are more attracted to female porn....

And how is my rep relevant?

Okay, maybe they are. I wouldn't blame them, but even so, I'm pretty sure they don't consume it to the degree that men do.

I mentioned your av because you and I are discussing media focus on women, or male consumption of images of them, and your av is an example of what I'm talking about - an alluing image of a woman's attractive legs. I noticed it right away.

 

[dilloduck]

Possibly .... there could be other reasons, like my ex. He was an adrenaline junkie (raced cars, motorcycles, etc.) and liked the riskiness. Do you have a list that you want to share?

List of what? We could also be asking why it's so difficult for a woman to forgive ? Are they to weak, lazy or stupid ?

Who says she doesn't forgive him for his weakness? Just because a woman leaves her husband because he broke her vows doesn't mean she didn't forgive him. But if he broke his vow in this instance, which is a very important vow, then who's to say he won't fail her in lesser things.

A man who keeps his vow shows that he has a value system.

ok--we're getting a great list here---a man who cheats is lazy, stupid, weak and doesn't have a value system.

 

[Luissa]

Isn't it only cheating if you try to do it without them knowing about it?

Gads... you really want to confuse the issue don't you?

No, trying to clarify. I've had sex with several other guys since I got together with my current SO, but he knows about it, and was there on more than 1 occasion. I never thought of that as cheating because it was all in the open, but your definition got me concerned. I'm not sure where the sex with other women would fit either, so if you could clarify that as well I would appreciate it.

It may not be cheating, but your relationship will never last. Dr Dru says if you have to do things like that, there is something wrong with your relationship.

 

[kurtsprincess]

Yeah, I caught that, too. Are lazy guys up to much? Do they even attract committed partners to cheat on?

It's not physical laziness ... it's emotional laziness.

I'm not sure what "emotional laziness" is, if not an absence of emotion. And in it's place, what? Lust?

Expending sexual energy outside of a committed relationship is emotional laziness. Cheating and saying it's because I can't control myself is laziness because it's too hard to put extra energy and time into control one's self. It takes focus and work to bring that energy home and make the relationship work. Cheating is exactly that .... it cheats the one who is being faithful of having all their partners focus and energy.

Lust does not have to end in having sex.

 

[kurtsprincess]

Isn't that how cheating happens, for both men and women? Sure they could resist, but they don't. Why?

I think a combination of a lot of things but if we insist on ruling out wiring we are in severe denial.

I'm not going to bother denying there are differences in the wiring, and not just sexually. I'm sure the reasoning is different. But I highly doubt either men or women cheat just because they can, or because they saw a nice ass. There's too much at stake, there has to be something else - some other need that needs to be met, or a lack of value in the relationship they're risking.

 

[kurtsprincess]

I'm not talking about "media focus." I'm talking about making money in porn.

Men consume pix of naked girls voraciously, because they are lustful. If women are just as lustful, why aren't they consuming the same amount of male pornography?

And I can't help but wonder how many male members (pardon me) have given you av rep so far.

Perhaps women are more attracted to female porn....

And how is my rep relevant?

because it's erotic and we're discussing sex

 

[dilloduck]

It's not physical laziness ... it's emotional laziness.

I'm not sure what "emotional laziness" is, if not an absence of emotion. And in it's place, what? Lust?

Expending sexual energy outside of a committed relationship is emotional laziness. Cheating and saying it's because I can't control myself is laziness because it's too hard to put extra energy and time into control one's self. It takes focus and work to bring that energy home and make the relationship work. Cheating is exactly that .... it cheats the one who is being faithful of having all their partners focus and energy.

Lust does not have to end in having sex.

I guess masturbation is cheating then too ?

 

[kurtsprincess]

I'm not talking about "media focus." I'm talking about making money in porn.

Men consume pix of naked girls voraciously, because they are lustful. If women are just as lustful, why aren't they consuming the same amount of male pornography?

And I can't help but wonder how many male members (pardon me) have given you av rep so far.

Perhaps women are more attracted to female porn....

And how is my rep relevant?

Okay, maybe they are. I wouldn't blame them, but even so, I'm pretty sure they don't consume it to the degree that men do.

I mentioned your av because you and I are discussing media focus on women, or male consumption of images of them, and your av is an example of what I'm talking about - an alluing image of a woman's attractive legs. I noticed it right away.

How very asute of you! I purposefully changed my av after I got involved in this thread. I felt that it would create a softer connection. It is one of my favorites because I think the female body is beautiful and one's avatar can convey a subtle message that words cannot.

As for the consumption of female porn by females ... have you noticed that a good portion of the porn these days is lesbian....I don't think that is just to satisfy male's sexual fantasies.

 

[Amanda]

Gads... you really want to confuse the issue don't you?

No, trying to clarify. I've had sex with several other guys since I got together with my current SO, but he knows about it, and was there on more than 1 occasion. I never thought of that as cheating because it was all in the open, but your definition got me concerned. I'm not sure where the sex with other women would fit either, so if you could clarify that as well I would appreciate it.

It may not be cheating, but your relationship will never last. Dr Dru says if you have to do things like that, there is something wrong with your relationship.

Dr Dru????

OMFG... Dr Dru. There's a whole other thread right there.

Ok, so back to reality. Who said "have to"? How about... enjoy?

We've been together more than a year and things are only getting better. You need a ton of trust to do what we do and we have it. I'd give my relationship better odds than most because we're so open with each other. I've never, EVER felt to connected to someone, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same.