Cheating on your Lover

[Lumpy 1]

Cheating .. defined as having sex, of any kind with someone other than your lover.

My point of few is that there is no good excuse for it.

Yet the question always comes down to this..

"Should we split up or stay together"

My answer for the victim .. "split up, I doubt you'll get over it but I'll support you either way"

My answer for the cheater.."Dumb Ass"

 

[LuckyDan]

Wow. Just get the hell out, huh? One and done?

Your thread title says "lover," not "spouse." Do you draw a distinction? I mean, two single people can easily choose to split over many different things. That's the beauty of being single.

Marrieds have to be a little more flexible. Then there's the male-female difference. Men can and often do have sex utterly devoid of any emotion or feeling with their partner. Women tend to be more emotionally invested before becoming a lover or spouse. (I know there are many who don't, but I'm speaking generally.)

If a husband has a weak moment, would you advise the wife to leave him? He may still love her, and she him, and their marriage may still be perfectly salvageable. I'd be careful about dishing out that kind of advice so quickly.

 

[JW Frogen]

I am an honest man of integrity, if you are one of my lovers I will never cheat on you or the others.

Rock solid word on that.

Other parts are rock solid too.

 

[Shadow]

My point of view.

If they will cheat on you once...they will cheat on you again. Not worth your time (learned this the hard way.) Cheating is a definate deal breaker IMO.

 

[Lumpy 1]

My point of view.

If they will cheat on you once...they will cheat on you again. Not worth your time (learned this the hard way.) Cheating is a definate deal breaker IMO.

Sorry Guys.. going with the Lady on this one..

 

[dilloduck]

I've been on both ends of that one. It sure makes for some high drama. Maybe that's why some people like putting all their eggs in one basket.

 

[JW Frogen]

Sorry Guys.. going with the Lady on this one..

All right I can't stand it anymore,

Will you marry me Lumpy?

 

[Barb]

My point of view.

If they will cheat on you once...they will cheat on you again. Not worth your time (learned this the hard way.) Cheating is a definate deal breaker IMO.

So, what if one or the other is on the disabled list long term (like forever, and only where sex is concerned) and they are in a committed relationship, and the other is not on the disabled list? Does the non disabled have to stare down the barrel of a lifetime of celibacy even if she or he feels a financial and emotional responsibility to stay in said committed relationship? Its a hard world for cut and dried pronouncements.

 

[Lumpy 1]

Wow. Just get the hell out, huh? One and done?

Your thread title says "lover," not "spouse." Do you draw a distinction? I mean, two single people can easily choose to split over many different things. That's the beauty of being single.

Marrieds have to be a little more flexible. Then there's the male-female difference. Men can and often do have sex utterly devoid of any emotion or feeling with their partner. Women tend to be more emotionally invested before becoming a lover or spouse. (I know there are many who don't, but I'm speaking generally.)

If a husband has a weak moment, would you advise the wife to leave him? He may still love her, and she him, and their marriage may still be perfectly salvageable. I'd be careful about dishing out that kind of advice so quickly.

When you're single and you have an understanding of sexual loyalty and one of you breaks it .. that's it .. no trust.. it's over.. (still up to them.. I just wouldn't stand for it)

On the husband wife thing.. I'm not saying they should split up, I'm saying it up to them but the odds of trust being renewed.. pretty slim.

Also.. I think guys get just as emotionally involved as the ladies. There is something about guys ego's though.. they may not really want her but they don't want any other guy have her, I don't know if the Ladies feel the same way..

 

[dilloduck]

Wow. Just get the hell out, huh? One and done?

Your thread title says "lover," not "spouse." Do you draw a distinction? I mean, two single people can easily choose to split over many different things. That's the beauty of being single.

Marrieds have to be a little more flexible. Then there's the male-female difference. Men can and often do have sex utterly devoid of any emotion or feeling with their partner. Women tend to be more emotionally invested before becoming a lover or spouse. (I know there are many who don't, but I'm speaking generally.)

If a husband has a weak moment, would you advise the wife to leave him? He may still love her, and she him, and their marriage may still be perfectly salvageable. I'd be careful about dishing out that kind of advice so quickly.

When you're single and you have an understanding of sexual loyalty and one of you breaks it .. that's it .. no trust.. it's over.. (still up to them.. I just wouldn't stand for it)

On the husband wife thing.. I'm not saying they should split up, I'm saying it up to them but the odds of trust being renewed.. pretty slim.

Also.. I think guys get just as emotionally involved as the ladies. There is something about guys ego's though.. they may not really want her but they don't want any other guy have her, I don't know if the Ladies feel the same way..

It's all chemistry Lumpy----get out your test tubes.

 

[syrenn]

alright lumpy, what are you REALLY asking?

 

[LuckyDan]

Wow. Just get the hell out, huh? One and done?

Your thread title says "lover," not "spouse." Do you draw a distinction? I mean, two single people can easily choose to split over many different things. That's the beauty of being single.

Marrieds have to be a little more flexible. Then there's the male-female difference. Men can and often do have sex utterly devoid of any emotion or feeling with their partner. Women tend to be more emotionally invested before becoming a lover or spouse. (I know there are many who don't, but I'm speaking generally.)

If a husband has a weak moment, would you advise the wife to leave him? He may still love her, and she him, and their marriage may still be perfectly salvageable. I'd be careful about dishing out that kind of advice so quickly.

When you're single and you have an understanding of sexual loyalty and one of you breaks it .. that's it .. no trust.. it's over.. (still up to them.. I just wouldn't stand for it)

On the husband wife thing.. I'm not saying they should split up, I'm saying it up to them but the odds of trust being renewed.. pretty slim.

Also.. I think guys get just as emotionally involved as the ladies. There is something about guys ego's though.. they may not really want her but they don't want any other guy have her, I don't know if the Ladies feel the same way..

Ego? If a man doesn't want a woman why would he care who she sleeps with? Unless he's a control freak. Maybe that's what you meant.

I believe the sexual natures of men and women are worlds apart. Men have an innate desire for variety which makes monogamy more difficult for them than for women.

Edit - Not that men should get a pass for being unfaithful. It is a broken promise in a marriage and a painful one. I just disagree with you that if it happens once, the marriage should end. Not necessarily.

 

[Lumpy 1]

alright lumpy, what are you REALLY asking?

Oh.. I'm sssoooo lonely....

No hidden agenda here.. I just though it was worth discussion..

Okay.. I'll admit this.. politics IS getting boring...

 

[dilloduck]

alright lumpy, what are you REALLY asking?

Oh.. I'm sssoooo lonely....

No hidden agenda here.. I just though it was worth discussion..

Okay.. I'll admit this.. politics IS getting boring...

Amen bro-------Dems and GOPs duking it out is some mighty stale shit

 

[gslack]

I am pretty sure I am no one to judge the workings of others minds or hearts... Or other parts for that matter... Nor am I one for absolutes especially in regards to the human heart or sexuality.

In my opinion, if you can live with an incident of cheating and not make each others life hell or become a doormat with repeated offenses, and you want to try and make it work; go for it and let others decide their own fate and choices.

however if you cannot live with it, and or it will never change or stop; best get shut of the partner ASAP. As mentioned by another poster, I have been on both sides as well. This is why I feel the way I do about it... I have been saint and sinner and all points between, and I am no one to judge or criticize anyone's actions or behavior.

I feel each relationship is just as unique as the partner, and should not be undertaken with any preconceptions or expectations.. Life is about living, and relationships are about living with another person. You never know what a person is capable of both good and bad, so its hard for me to say what I will or will not forgive with each person.

 

[mudwhistle]

My point of view.

If they will cheat on you once...they will cheat on you again. Not worth your time (learned this the hard way.) Cheating is a definate deal breaker IMO.

So, what if one or the other is on the disabled list long term (like forever, and only where sex is concerned) and they are in a committed relationship, and the other is not on the disabled list? Does the non disabled have to stare down the barrel of a lifetime of celibacy even if she or he feels a financial and emotional responsibility to stay in said committed relationship? Its a hard world for cut and dried pronouncements.

Unless the disabled partner agrees to let you have girlfriends.

Otherwise you can leave or stay and be celibate.

 

[dilloduck]

My point of view.

If they will cheat on you once...they will cheat on you again. Not worth your time (learned this the hard way.) Cheating is a definate deal breaker IMO.

So, what if one or the other is on the disabled list long term (like forever, and only where sex is concerned) and they are in a committed relationship, and the other is not on the disabled list? Does the non disabled have to stare down the barrel of a lifetime of celibacy even if she or he feels a financial and emotional responsibility to stay in said committed relationship? Its a hard world for cut and dried pronouncements.

Unless the disabled partner agrees to let you have girlfriends.

Otherwise you can leave or stay and be celibate.

What would justify a disabled partner not letting you have girlfirends?

 

[goldcatt]

It's up to the individuals and the relationship. For some people it's a real dealbreaker, for others it's salvageable. I can't imagine it ever being painless though, and for me at least trust would be very hard to re-establish. In general I'd say if you're going to give your word, keep it. Or don't give it at all.

 

[Shadow]

My point of view.

If they will cheat on you once...they will cheat on you again. Not worth your time (learned this the hard way.) Cheating is a definate deal breaker IMO.

So, what if one or the other is on the disabled list long term (like forever, and only where sex is concerned) and they are in a committed relationship, and the other is not on the disabled list? Does the non disabled have to stare down the barrel of a lifetime of celibacy even if she or he feels a financial and emotional responsibility to stay in said committed relationship? Its a hard world for cut and dried pronouncements.

I don't know...is this something they have agreed to as a couple? Or is one partner sneaking around behind the others back?

 

[dilloduck]

It's up to the individuals and the relationship. For some people it's a real dealbreaker, for others it's salvageable. I can't imagine it ever being painless though, and for me at least trust would be very hard to re-establish. In general I'd say if you're going to give your word, keep it. Or don't give it at all.

Which begs the question----why does ANYONE make this kind of a promise or believe it for that matter ?