cat vs. bird..the bird nearly won

Discussion in 'Pets' started by strollingbones, Jan 22, 2009.

  1. strollingbones
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    strollingbones Diamond Member

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    sunday my problem child, roland...caught a bird....man tried to get it away from roland but he was gone with it....monday roland is puking his little guts out...but hey that is what cats do..tuesday i notice...roland is not eating...nothing going in...nothing coming out...so off to the vet we go...

    after the following: regular exam, radiology 2 veiws 1 film interp...blood chemical presurgical....complete blood count...fluids subcutaneious lrs...vit b complex....penicillin....

    the vet determined...most likey...roland ate the bird and somehow scratched his throat...bleeding occurred...so now roland is restricted to this damned baby food and cant go out...he hates my guts on a normal day...(he does not know how lucky he was that he was in the same cage as clark...my son picked out clark for me...and the humane had a 2 for one....so roland was in the same cage and got to go home with clark) so now roland is recovering....my wallet is empty...so so empty....

    and yes i have bells on my cats.
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2009
  2. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

    1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process

    3 Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw

    9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply band aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap

    10. Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom

    12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the fucking cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap

    13. Tie the little bastard’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down

    14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches
    fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call in on furniture shop on way home to order new table

    15. Arrange for animal welfare to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters


    HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

    1. Wrap it in bacon
     
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  3. strollingbones
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    strollingbones Diamond Member

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    lol@bootneck...for two days i went to work...smelling of chicken and gravy....the babyfood....i would try to feed him and he would toss it all over the place...he is keeping food down....and looking better....i think he will live..there is no such thing as a free cat....

    my mixed i just toss the pill up in the air...he catches it and wolfs it down....

    all my dobermans can pick out a pill...they will pick it out of food and place it beside their dish.....lucky for me..they have big throats and i just toss the pill down his throat
     
  4. DavidS
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    DavidS Anti-Tea Party Member

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    Why do you have a cat that hates you? My dog loves me... will do anything I tell him to do, never leaves my side and if someone tries to harm me, watch the fuck out... he's got jaws of steel. When we were playing a couple years he accidentally bit my hand in the soft area between fingers... the worst imaginable pain I've ever felt and he wasn't even trying to hurt. I am convinced that my dog could kill a man if he wanted to. Yet he feels obligated to be a servant to my next door neighbor's 3 year old girl who ADORES him more than anything... and he adores her just as much.

    Who the fuck gets animals who hate the? I never understood cats.
     
  5. strollingbones
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    strollingbones Diamond Member

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    well my son went to humane to get a cat for me....they had a long hair loving cat...clark....in the cage with him was roland....they offered both cats to my son for about the same price...so my son got clark for me..and got roland cause he was with clark...roland and clark are best buds that is enough for me...

    my dogs are devoted to me...both of my dogs...have the same attitude...if the food goddess aint happy...you kill whatever needs killing....lol...

    roland hates everyone but clark....but he is clark's best friend...so he stays and we care for him.
     
  6. editec
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    editec Mr. Forgot-it-All

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    I love my cat.

    I have loved every cat I have ever shared a home with, but the replacement cost of a cat is seldom greater than their repair costs.

    You know that already, of that I am quite certain.

    So there's nothing to say to you but I am sorry that your kindness, your loyalty and you sense of responsibility are costing you so much.

    Remember...no good deed EVER goes unpunished.
     
  7. xsited1
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    xsited1 Agent P

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    Our cats are now strictly indoor cats. We finally got tired of all the birds, mice, rats, squirrels and assorted bugs they would bring in and let go. They are finally getting used to being indoor cats after a couple months. You might consider doing the same.
     
  8. AllieBaba
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    AllieBaba BANNED

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    I once spent $350 on a registered Persian kitten for my son.

    She was the most hateful, vicious animal I have ever owned. She would catapult herself at my legs and ankles every morning as I dragged myself to the kitchen to get her (very expensive) breakfast, and bite and claw. Not playfully, leaving blood and slicing me open.

    You didn't even consider cuddling her.

    If you brushed her (and I was gentle) you had to wrap her in a towel, she growled, hissed and bit viciously..I can't emphasize that word enough....the entire time. And would have a go at you when you let her go.

    I put an end to the early morning attacks finally one morning after being sliced and punctured one too many times...I launched her across the room with my bare foot. She'd still run at me at breakfast, but she kept a respectful distance.

    I gave that bitch away to a human bitch who raised Persians and didn't even thank me when I handed over her impressive (and free. Shit, I would have paid her to take that harridan.) registration papers. I imagine they were well suited. I didn't tell her she should probably get a crate to travel with the cat...she also had a tendency to attack and puke in the car during travel. I imagine it was a fun ride home (about 45 miles).

    I'll give shots and pills to horses and pitbulls but you couldn't have paid me to put my fingers in that whore's throat. She would have taken the meat off the bones of my hands, and I would have probably died of some horrible infection.
     
  9. AllieBaba
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    AllieBaba BANNED

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    BTW, strolling...birds carry all sorts of lovely diseases that can kill people and other mammals. Be careful. Don't touch the dead ones, and if you have it, take it with you to the vet....
     
  10. DavidS
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    DavidS Anti-Tea Party Member

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    That 3 year old neighbor I was talking about loves to poke, prod and pull everything there is to poke, prod and pull on my pitbull. He couldn't care less... he's happier than a pig in shit because this kid is giving him attention. She asks for his paw, he gives her his paw. She asks him to lay down, he's on his back, paws in the air quicker than a inmate at fat camp will attack a pizza pie fresh from dominos.

    The real dogs that have a tendency to bite, are those that weigh less than 10 lbs. Those little fucking pugs or boston terriers or even worse, chiuahuas are the most annoying little creatures on this earth.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2009

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